Seeking short stand-up comic dialogue lines

Author: Just be happy.

The north-south street runs east-west, and people bite dogs at the crossroads.

Pick up the dog and cut the brick. The brick bit his hand.

There was a 19-year-old man who drank lotus root with wine in his mouth.

I've never seen anything like this since I was a child. Three wheels pull the train.

Hey! Does this look like it to you?

Today I will tell you a stand-up comedy, in which there is such a disgraced person.

When did this happen? It happened in the Qing Dynasty. He said that there is such a rich man with a lot of money, and he is also one of the best people in Beijing. The old man has two sons. The eldest son is calm and capable in whatever he does. What about this penis? It's okay to be a man, but I have a little problem. I can drink some wine. How good is he? He hangs a wine gourd on the bedside, and when he wakes up at night, he opens the gourd and drinks a few mouthfuls. It's not good to go to the toilet. He put a wine jar at the door of the toilet, and he has to drink a few mouthfuls after going to the toilet! ! !

That's it. He drinks and gets drunk every day.

Finally, one day, the old man was dying. He is very ill and will die soon. He called his two sons to his side, told him to finish the funeral, left the eldest son alone, and said to the boss, "I'm going to die." My last wish is to ask your brother to give up drinking. Even if our family has money, we can't stand his drinking style! " ! ! "The boss nodded. The old man said that and died. After the two sons finished the old man's business, the boss began to give up drinking for his younger brother. Someone told the boss that the second brother hit an alcoholic! ! ! I had to ask the old mage to exorcise the evil spirits, but the boss believed me. Let me tell you, this is a sudden illness and disorderly medical care. I paid a lot of money to hire a group of wizards, but I didn't expect these people to be just a bunch of knives, reading grape classics at home all day. Who asked what the Grape Sutra was? In fact, it is what the liar read: "Eat grapes without spitting grape skins, and spit grape skins without eating grapes"! ! ! (chanting) In fact, they don't even know what they are talking about! ! !

That's it. Exorcism didn't work, so I asked my boss to kick those people out. Some people say that the second child is a wine bug and needs to bask in it. Dog days, comrades, hang a big living person with a rope to bask in the sun. Can you stand it? Don't worry. The boss is really cruel. Still not working. It's gone again

Whether you say it or not, the boss is smart. He asked someone to find a seawater tank. What is an ocean tank? Aquarium is a big aquarium that only five or six strong men can move in the early years. Why are you looking for such a big water tank? Don't worry, listen to me slowly! ! ! The boss got a barrel full of old wine. When it was finished, he put the second child in. He also got a big millstone to cover his mouth and put a seal on it. Feng said, "Brother, it's only a warning. It's time to stop drinking." After that, I left, which made the second child very happy and finally I could have a big meal. While drinking, I sang "It doesn't matter if I'm drunk, I'm buried in the restaurant, and I'm as happy as a fairy when I smell this Daqu"! ! ! (Singing), listen to this word. Not bad. But the second son's daughter-in-law can't sit still at home. If she is drunk, will she still be alive? ! ! Hurriedly ran to the edge of the water tank and knocked. "Master, are you all right?" ? The second child was happy when he heard that his wife was coming. "Hey, the seal of the wife and brother don't need to be opened. If it still matters, bring me a pickle! " ! ! !

His wife, listen. Hey! ! ! Why are you still drinking?