What is the root cause of painful family relationships for some Chinese?

The root cause of painful family relationships for some Chinese people is actually a big question, since the question asks about Chinese people, what is special about China compared to its counterpart, the root cause of painful family relationships for Westerners?

I think it is the majority of Chinese people, there is no systematic concept of the family, many people may not be able to understand what I'm talking about, I'll put it this way, the concept of the family, whether it is husband and wife, parent-child relationship, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship is problematic.

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Chinese people talk about "filial piety and obedience", there are two words, filial piety and obedience, filial piety is filial piety and respect, obedience is obedience, the parents ask the children to carry out their wishes unconditionally. It's true to honor your parents, but it's a bit outrageous to obey your parents. Since ancient times, disobeying your parents is a big unfiliality. But is it morally wrong to disobey your parents? For example, diet, some mothers always want you to be able to eat and drink well, this kind of eating and drinking well, is only able to eat mom's cooking, saying that the outside of the things to eat is not clean and not nutritious, depriving you of the right to try other culinary possibilities.

Chinese people pay attention to "parents' orders, matchmakers' words", in the arranged marriage, many women with the bones of humility and obedience, resigned to spend their lives. While some have no emotional foundation, family conflicts have led to a series of tragedies, from divorce to death, either of which is detrimental to both parties. Why does the fate of children always have to be in the hands of their parents? Can children be given the right to make their own choices? Is this the kind of ending that parents want to see?

Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship in the family relationship is relatively special, is the parent-child relationship and husband and wife relationship as the intermediary and the formation of a relationship, this relationship is from the parent-child relationship and the husband and wife relationship extended, neither the stability of the parent-child relationship, nor the intimacy of the husband and wife relationship. Due to traditional concepts, the mother-in-law always wants to dominate her son, not realizing that her son and daughter-in-law have formed a new family, or often meddling too much in their lives. The son in the face of their mother, also adhering to the concept of "filial piety", to his wife to tolerate, so the mother-in-law-daughter-in-law conflict arose.

If a society is not self-reliant and enterprising, this is not allowed that is not allowed, then people can only compete with each other within a narrow range of limited resources. This inevitably leads to the family as the smallest organizational unit of society, the members of which must hold each other warm and take from each other. In ancient times, with the limitations of productivity and transportation, this kind of family relationship might have given individuals a better chance of survival.

But in the modern world, where productivity has grown tremendously, if family members are still tied to each other by force, it is inevitable that individual creativity will be sacrificed, and that individuals, who could be much more productive, will become even more oppressed by the constraints of the family.

? Unclear boundaries between family members

Insertion into another's private sphere is taken for granted, and another's insertion into one's own private sphere is painful but feels normal. There are countless intersections between people, family members are twisted like twine, intertwined like wool, and any small thing will involve other people and other things, and people's bad emotions accumulate and suppress for a long time, and may explode at any time.

On top of these roots, there is another root cause, which is no longer willing to make any changes. Only by continuing to learn and operate, grinding in both make some changes, it is possible to eliminate the root cause of the pain!