Cai Lixu: What is the Meaning of Marriage, Buddhism.com

In the whole Chinese culture, the ritual part takes up a large proportion, and among the rituals there is a very important ceremony called wedding. What is the significance of wedding? In the Book of Rites, it is said, "The upper part is to serve the clan and temple, and the lower part is to succeed the next generation." The meaning is to serve the clan and the temple, and in fact, to carry on the family tradition from parents and ancestors. This phrase is the meaning of "filial piety" in our traditional culture. The "old" is the previous generation, the ancestors; the "son" is the next generation, that is, "the next to succeed the next generation". The previous generation and the next generation are completely indistinguishable from each other, and they are integrated into one, which is the essence of the culture - filial piety.

The union of husband and wife is the realization of filial piety, which is "to serve the ancestors and the temple from above, and to succeed the next generation from below". When did you hear that? Now, right? I was speaking in Taiwan that one time, and when I finished, the college students came running, "Ah, marriage is still a moral right, this is the first time in my life I've heard that." And when I was up there and the college student was crying, I thought, "What did I say that offended him, and why did he keep crying? When I got off the stage I asked him, and he said, "How come no one has taught me these truths? I realized only after I heard it... Oops, I don't know how many sins I've committed." He was ashamed. It's not easy, the child is still very simple and very educated, and he didn't want to be like this, no one told him right and wrong, good and evil, and he regretted it. Therefore, this is called "If a person does not learn, he does not know," and "If a person does not learn, he does not know righteousness. Without the classics, people simply do not know where the standards of right and wrong are.

And we can feel from the phrase "to serve the temple, and to succeed the next generation" that marriage in the past was a very different experience. How do people propose nowadays? "Marry me!" I heard that the price now is 999 roses, right? That's not how it used to be. How did King Wen of Zhou marry his wife Taisi? Very grandly over, and then said to her, "Please join me in sacrificing to my ancestors!" Isn't it beautiful? Look at that state of mind. That state of mind is a responsibility, the responsibility of taking precedence. "You marry me." It's just like if you like it, come on, if you don't like it, pull back.

In ancient times, both sides of the family in the child's marriage three days before the parents do not turn out the lights, those three days is the parent's ear to tell their son, how to be a good Mr., how to be a good father, how to bear the responsibility of a family; admonishing their daughters, how to be a good Mrs., how to be a good daughter-in-law, how to be a good mother. We can see from this etiquette, they attach importance to marriage is definitely not that three days before the interim, it must be from childhood, parents perform couples and joy to the next generation to see, and in many points of opportunity will guide the child how to treat the other half. Because of this, coupled with the advice given before marriage, the husband and wife are very clear about some of their duties and responsibilities as Mr. and Mrs., and will not be confused.

And nowadays, young men and women may not be ready to step onto the carpet before they are ready to be a Mrs. or a Mr., nor do they think of taking the responsibility of the family. Not only not ready, there are many wrong ideas, this time the elders have not advised him? Did the elders advise him? Did they teach him in time? Nowadays, many elders don't care if their own children are in bad shape after getting married, but they still say, "Young people have their own ideas." Whenever I hear this, I get very nervous. "Raising a child without teaching him is a father's fault." Not only have they not taught their children well, but now they are also letting their children's marriages go by the wayside, so they may not even be able to teach their children and grandchildren well. These attitudes toward people and the opposite sex are crucial to his life, and we, as parents and teachers, probably didn't guide him properly until he was 20 years old.

Courtesy of Mr. Cai Lixu's speech: "How to Establish Harmonious and Respectful Relationships Between the Sexes"

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