Should parents let their kids hit back when they're bullied?

Should you hit them back?

Children play together and learn together, and inevitably there will be times when they bump into each other.

So, if a child is bullied and aggrieved, should parents teach their children to hit back?

This topic is a matter of public opinion, and it has always been a matter of concern to parents.

Many parents believe that the "gentleman's mouth, not hands" is a traditional virtue, even if the child is being bullied, but also to learn to hold back, so that the child less trouble.

Some parents believe that their children should be beaten back, and that holding back will only make them more vulnerable to bullying, and thus more vulnerable.

Psychology professor Li Meijin was asked this question when she was a guest on the program "Open Talk".

She gave an affirmative answer, "Definitely fight back!"

Professor Li Meijin also gave the example of her own granddaughter, who she said was once picked up and slammed to the ground again by a young boy in kindergarten.

Professor Li Meijin then taught her granddaughter, "You can hold the other person's ear until he other person lets go."

But this statement has been questioned by many netizens that there is something wrong with teaching children to "fight back" method is not worth encouraging.

All encourage children to "hit back", and violence against violence is no different.

The child's mind is not yet mature, it is difficult to ensure that the strength and limits of the "hit back".

For example, if a child is being bullied and has a pencil sharpener in his hand or a small bench nearby, and if he picks up these tools and fights back, he is likely to cause serious injury to the other party.

There was a debate on "Oddball" that also centered on this topic: if you're being bullied at school, do you fight back or tell the teacher?

The opposite approach is to tell the teacher.

The most impressive thing was Tsai Kang Yong's view:

We expect teachers, we expect good education.

Just because the real-world education system doesn't work, you can't hit rock bottom and say it doesn't work.

If the class sets up a rule that if someone goes and sues the teacher, he's a son of a bitch and we'll beat him to death.

If this value spreads, it can turn into a "lynching", which on the internet is called "bullying".

The law is the bottom line, and it protects us from agreeing to bully one kind of person just because we each have different values.

It's important to develop the strength to fight back, as well as the wisdom to fight back.

We have to trust adults to teach us that fighting back is necessary, we believe in the power of fighting back, but we also have to believe in the wisdom of fighting back.

In this wisdom, if there is a rational and peaceful solution, we don't need to hit back by hitting back.

02

The child is being bullied

What should parents do?

Children are bullied, if the child is allowed to tolerate, parents will certainly worry about whether the child's character will become more and more cowardly in the future.

But if you teach your child to fight back, you are afraid that your child's character will become more and more violent.

So what should parents do?

First, appease the child

The child is being bullied, the first thing to do is to appease the child's emotions.

To tell the child that you are always there for him, to give him strength and support, to calm the child's emotions and rebuild the child's sense of security.

Waiting for the child's emotions to stabilize will help in the subsequent education of the child on how to handle the incident.

Secondly, ask why

After you've calmed your child down, you need to understand why things are happening.

Let the child tell the truth about the causes and consequences of the incident, to distinguish right from wrong, to analyze the cause of the incident with the child, to be clear that the other party is intentionally bullying the child, or the children play with each other caused by a misunderstanding.

After figuring out the cause, ask the child how he or she is going to solve the problem, and then guide and encourage the child to solve the problem in a reasonable way.

Third, don't just look at one side of the story

Children are still young, and quarrels and even fights happen when they play with their buddies, so parents don't need to worry too much about it, and don't escalate the conflict between children into a conflict between the parents or between the parents and each other's children.

The parents, as adults, are themselves a deterrent to small children, so don't educate the other child by intimidating or reprimanding him or her, just tell him or her clearly that it's not right to do so.

If the other child does not listen, you can tell the teacher or find his parents to communicate.

Fourth, explore solutions

When the child tells his parents what happened to him, the parents must explore solutions with the child.

First let the child say their own solution? Do you need assistance from mom or dad? The first thing you need to do is to ask the child to come up with a solution on their own.