Classical Chinese spoof 360 questions and answers

1. The funny question and answer in ancient Chinese in China is a burden.

There was a scholar who was nearly seventy years old and gave birth to a happy son, so he was named "year old". In the second year, another one was born, which looks like a scholar.

This is called "learning". In the third year, he gave birth to a third child. The scholar said, "It's a joke to have a son at this age." Say its name.

"joke"

Three sons grew up and one day went up the mountain to get firewood. After collecting firewood, the old scholar asked his wife, "Which child made this firewood?"

how much is it? "Answer:" As you get older, you have no knowledge at all, but you are burdened with jokes.

Let go.

The father taught his son, "anyone should be flexible when talking to others, not just saying death." The son asked what it meant to be alive.

At this time, it happened that the neighbor came to borrow something. Father said, "If the neighbor comes to borrow something, you won't."

It can be said that there are all or none, but some are at home and some are not at home, so they are alive. Everything can be compared. "

Remember, son. A few days later, a guest visited and asked, "Is your father at home?"

His son replied, "Some are at home and some are not."

Niang's eyes

A woman stole a neighbor's sheep and hid it under the bed, telling her son not to tell. Neighbors scolded along the street.

Come on, her son quickly said, "My mother didn't steal the sheep."

A woman is afraid of her son's exposure, so she squints at him and hints that she should not talk nonsense. His son pointed to his mother and said to his neighbor:

"Look at my mother's eyes, just like sheep's eyes under the bed."

Dumb mouth

A beggar pretended to be deaf and dumb, begging for money in the street. Once, he took two pence, bought wine and drank it and said, "More."

Give me the wine. The landlord was surprised and said, "How can you talk?"

The beggar said, "I have no money on weekdays. How can I speak? " ? I have two dollars today, so I will say it naturally. "

2. The business of spoofing China's classical butcher is not half done, but he can't damage his father's hill. Today, we have a huge soup. Fiona Fang is seven miles away. This sincerity can be a tree with an inch diameter, a piece of jade, a beautiful island and a rock. However, the guards' ministers were filthy, loyal ministers were frozen thousands of miles away, and snow drifted in Wan Li. The cover chased the butchers all day to see the beautiful scenery of the field, and the more they looked, the more they entered. Sincerely, it is advisable to cut bamboo and take the road and go to the countryside to feel homesick. Don't hold a holy meeting and stab me in the face to block the way of loyalty.

The palace is full of smelly oil and rotten sauce, and there are rows of fines. If there are criminals, honest and kind, they should show their tails and bare their breasts to show their unkindness.

Assistant ministers Yu Shinan, Zhang Suiyang, Zhang, etc. Are they all animals? Do they jump big? , is a butcher like a tourist, Jane. Fools think that if they learn to read, they can "click" and read the drums all around and scatter tirelessly.

Donkeys and generals in Guizhou love to make noises during sex. He tried in the past. The butcher called it "two wars, and he wanted to go first" because he regarded Zhong Yong as a satrap. Fools think that if they learn from disputes, they can make their flags weak, and if they are chaotic, they can be in an invincible position.

Feet confused, eyes blurred. This is why the Han Dynasty was so prosperous; I was confused by my own eyes, I was confused by my own feet. Since then, the Han Dynasty has been so depressed. When the butcher is around, every time I look at his minister with a knife, I sigh that I am not a good marksman. Taihang, the palace, the son of the neighbor, the snake god, I know that I am a minister who died of chastity. I hope your majesty believes that then the Han Dynasty will be overthrown and nothing can be done.

I don't know who Chun Han is, but he is as tall as two millet. He devoted his whole life to the hidden place in the north, risking his life for the people of Wen Da in Chu. The butcher does not regard his ministers as fierce and chivalrous, but cares about him from left to right. Thanks to the three ministers in the Broken Mountain Temple, the butcher was allowed to live a quiet life with his territory and could not stay long. When the latter value is overturned, when it is appointed at the end of the road, it ranks between two stocks, and it is useless for you to come.

The butcher knew that my minister had thrown my food bar and cup aside, and I couldn't eat or drink, so he knocked my minister to the ground. Since he was appointed, he has always supported yellow on the left and blue on the right. He only knew how to shoot an eagle with a bow, and he was afraid that the entrustment would not work, so he hurt the young madman of the first emperor. So he brushed Zhang Suiyang with his sleeve and didn't dare to play. Today, the South China Sea has decided that the military revolution is not unyielding, and there is not much rice and millet. When the three armed forces were awarded prizes, they ordered the barbecue for 800 miles, but they were mixed with the former dynasty. Therefore, the minister reported that the butcher's duty was to go home by the wind. As for the losers who sing on the road and the walkers who rest in the trees, Yu Shinan, Suiyang and Fang Ping will be appointed.

May your majesty languish for Iraq. If not, shoot it and sue the butcher knife. If there are no novelists, blame the south, which has no good opinion of Yang and is slow to respond. Your majesty will also entertain guests and cut his throat. I appreciate it.

Now it's time to stay away, courageously come out, fight two wars, and want to go first.

On Sunday, a friend of mine and I invited four mm to climb the mountain. On the way, all the MMs had a good impression on my friend and praised him for his outstanding literary talent and graceful demeanor. I was very unhappy and said to myself, "I don't know! Dare to be normal, crazy! " With the jokes all the way, I didn't feel very tired and came to the top of the mountain. I played for a long time and went on a picnic. Start going downhill.

On the way down the mountain, my friend suddenly said to MM, "There is a gazebo in front, where you can have a rest. We can climb to the slope and pick some wild flowers and fruits for you. Trip worthwhile! " All MM's cautious praise for themselves! I don't know what this means, so I have to echo it. After MM left, she whispered to me, "Urgent! ! Want to solve! ! "Before I realized what this meant, I looked around the field. This slope is so steep that many tourists don't follow it! And there are dense trees all around! People who look up and down the slope can't see through it. I said angrily, "You have to go to the toilet! Why did you leave me? Smell it! " After all, I want to follow the crowd. The friend replied, "there is no paper, it's urgent!" ! Can you find some paper? I'm going to eat! " I said, "I don't have any paper with me, so I'll ask MM!" " Answer: "We are courageous people! It's a pity to solve it in the wild today. No face, beg for paper in MM, don't go, please help me! " Take off your pants when you're done!

Helpless, I had to look for a steep slope everywhere, hoping to find a piece of paper, but I looked for a steep slope everywhere and only found an abandoned newspaper! Unfortunately, it has been a long time, broken and weather-beaten! Cover your nose for my friend. Friends sigh! I didn't expect the paper to be badly shredded, and my friends couldn't bear it. Hearing the sound of "poof", my friends' fingers cut the waste paper and touched the filth! Friends are angry, scold them and cut their hands vigorously. I don't want my fingers to touch the trunk next to them. In an instant, blood gushed out! A friend was so miserable that he forgot that his hands were dirty. He put his finger in his mouth and wiped the blood. I feel bad when I enter the eloquence. Vomiting wildly, I didn't expect the action to be too big and the slope to be too steep. My friend fell behind it, heard a "poof" and sat on it to excrete dirt. My friend was so angry that he jumped up without lifting his pants. He is still kneeling, and the slope is too steep! Under this jump, my legs were overwhelmed and I rushed down the slope according to my own habits. In a flash, I saw my friend running on the slope, trying to lift his pants with one hand and keep his body balanced with the other to avoid the trees and stones on the slope, that is, to get out of danger. I chased after him and tried to stop him, but I was too fast to catch up.

Many MMs in the pavilion under the slope paid attention to the sound of trees knocking on the slope. I saw my friend rushing down the slope, his pants falling off his knees and streaking out of the forest. MM people looked at it, frightened to disgrace, screamed again and again, and avoided it! My friend is extremely manic! Shout at the sky! Try to keep at its pace, but it's fast! Hearing another "poof", I fell to the ground and rolled out several feet. When I washed away, I saw my friend's pants had faded to his feet. His teeth were dazzling, foaming at the mouth, covered in blood, filthy, pungent, dizzy and half awake! And all the mm stood not far away, pale and afraid to go forward! I wanted to help it, but my friend refused. I stood on my own feet with tears in my eyes, put on my pants and combed my hair, but I stumbled down the mountain, leaving me standing on the mountain with all the MM and never appearing in the city again!

Qu Yuan said, "The world is cloudy and I am alone. Everyone is drunk and I wake up alone, so I see it!" " The friend said, "The world is clear and I am alone, and everyone is awake and I am alone. This is made of paper!" "

4. Begging to spoof and laugh at classical Chinese ~ 1. __________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

After class, I fainted again! The correct solution is "late rain time". Mayfly shook the tree, and _ _ _ _ _ replied: I didn't move at all (the correct answer is "ridiculous". Quietly, wonderful, very in line with the facts. ) 5. The beauty of a gentleman's adult, _ _ _ _ _ _ Student A: The villain wins the hearts of the people (directly fainting). 6. The poor are alone, _ _ _ _ _ Student A: The rich have wives and concubines (positive solution: the rich help the world)

. ) 8. There are other ladies in his court, stunning 3,000. _ _ _ _ _ Student A: Iron bars can also be ground into needles ~ ~ ~ (The correct solution is "but his love for 3,000 is concentrated on one body") 9. With Cai Feng's flying wings, _ _ _ _ _ Student A: It's better to pull a chicken than a phoenix. Another student A: Both husband and wife have returned to China. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ Student A: There is another student fighting at the end of the bed. Answer: I got on the wrong sedan chair and married the right husband 1 1. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _)12. I hope people can live long. _ _ _ _ _ A: One will last forever. (I laughed wildly at the time, but now I think it's quite classic. The positive solution is "* * * Chanjuan thousands of miles away") 13. Egrets fly in front of Mount Cisse, and _ _ _ _ _ _ Students answer: Climb the turtle by the river in Dongcun (right) 14. I advise God to be energetic, _ _ _ _ _ _. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ Student A: Show your magic at the critical moment. Another student A: The mouse's son can make holes (the Chinese teacher in the whole office laughs wildly without images). 16. If it is sentimental, it will be old. _ _ _ _ _ _ Student A: People don't waste their youth! (The positive solution is "If the moon is long and round, I don't hate it", and Li He's "Golden and Copper Immortal Ci Han Song") 17. If relatives and friends in Luoyang ask each other, _ _ _ _ _ _ students answer: Please don't tell him (the correct answer is "a piece of ice heart is in the jade pot") 18. There will be couplets in the final exam. _ _ _ _ _ _ Student A: You are a fool if you don't eat. No one has died since ancient times. _ _ _ _ _ _ Student A: It's just that you have died in order (ending: the teacher stayed to talk to you after the parent-teacher meeting ...) 20. The foot of my bed is shining with such bright light. _ _ _ _ _ _ Student A:. The correct answer is "visible") 22. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ The classmate replied: Wife, my wife and a man's wife (the teacher later said that the classmate was particularly dedicated, haha) 27. Think that year, Jin Ge iron horse, students answer _ _ _ _ _ _ _. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ "Student A: It tastes the same (the invigilator and the principal outside laugh) 29. If the relationship is long-lasting, _ _ _ _ _ _ Student A: It's time for them to get married. 30. Qian Fan walked by the sinking ship, and _ _ _ _ _ _ _ student A.

5. parody of ancient Chinese prose: what do you get by making fun of everyone? Napoleon said, "There is only one step between respectable and ridiculous." Those articles that were originally regarded as the most affectionate, reasonable, authentic, beautiful and beautiful by China people in past dynasties have become "respectful". Because it is "respectable", teasing it, deconstructing it, subverting it, and making it a "ridiculous" object, so as to show their non-mainstream and post-modernism, some people will undoubtedly gain a sense of cultural satisfaction. When they are satisfied, they have to compile a book to show it, which is euphemistically called "discovering the loveliness of classical Chinese", which is a kind of "emotional communication"

The so-called "the worst and funniest in history" is just a cover for booksellers to attract customers. The disorder of network information dissemination determines that it is a muddy media, and most people are wary of it. Once the network information flows back to the traditional communication channels with the help of capital, the magic of "spoofing" will undoubtedly be greatly enhanced. Of course, it is by no means an unreasonable publisher.

The model of Zhuge Liang's loyalty is "the first emperor collapsed in the middle of his business." Today, three points, Yizhou tired, this is the key autumn. "In the vernacular translation of Confessions of Mafia, it is interpreted as" Your dad came out to mix and died halfway; Now the website is divided into three parts, and Yizhou seems unable to cover it. The world longs for tragedy. "Both Liu Bei and Zhuge Liang have become bewitched children, and the article is full of lessons from Zhuge Liang's reprimand of his ancestors. Can such translation make people find that "classical Chinese has such amazing beauty of words and rhythm"?

It is not a sudden beauty in the general sense to spoof ancient prose from the old bottle of classic articles and bottle out new wine with popular taste, but a true portrayal of salt-free under the background of vulgar culture flooding. We can't expect such "funny" words to make classical Chinese "go on with a smile", which will only make people worry that "bad money drives out good money" in the cultural field and dispel the dignity and value of traditional culture.

There is a saying in a jingle that students are "afraid of classical Chinese, writing and Zhou Shuren". Lu Xun's works have been deleted a lot in the textbooks, but the classical Chinese, which is the most "three fears", has not been deleted, so it has become the object of banter. Perhaps this is a "mass base" for classical Chinese to be spoofed. If it is just a kind of psychological catharsis, it may still make sense.

6. What are the funny and self-created paragraphs in classical Chinese? 1: There was a fish named Kunda in the north of Ming Dynasty.

One pot can't be stewed.

Turn it into a bird, called Pumbaa-sized bird.

We need two barbecue grills.

A polysaccharide and a slightly spicy.

Have a bottle of snowflakes.

Let's face the world bravely.

2. An official sitting in court occasionally farts and says "refreshing". Officials don't know, and they mistakenly think that they are rewarding officials, hoping to win their favor. They knelt down and said, thank you for your reward!

3. The monkey died, saw the keeper and asked for a replacement. Wang said, "If you want to be a man, you must pull out all your hair." He's the one who told the hag to do it and pulled out one. The monkey is in great pain. Wang smiled and said, "Bastard, how can you be a man without money?"

4. Isn't it a pleasure to have friends come from afar and whip them dozens of times to drive them away from the hospital?

5. Confucius said: It's not appropriate to hit with bricks. It depends on your face. You can't shout any more. Your right hand is almost finished with your left hand, and the brick is almost broken with your shoes. You are dying, but you are not dead. How can you be alone with your friends? It's an honor.

Classical Chinese is a processed written language based on ancient Chinese. The earliest written language based on spoken language may have been processed. Classical Chinese is an article composed of written language in ancient China, mainly including written language based on spoken language in pre-Qin period. During the Spring and Autumn Period and the Warring States Period, no articles were invented to record characters, but bamboo slips, silks and other things were used to record characters, and silks were expensive, bamboo slips were huge and the number of words recorded was limited. In order to record more things on a roll of bamboo slips, unimportant words were deleted. Later, when "paper" was used on a large scale, the habit of using "official documents" among the ruling classes had been finalized, and the ability to use "classical Chinese" had evolved into a symbol of reading and literacy. Classical Chinese comes from vernacular Chinese, characterized by writing based on words, paying attention to the use of allusions, parallel prose, and neat melody, including strategies, poems, words, songs, stereotyped writing, parallel prose and other styles. The classical Chinese in modern books are generally marked with punctuation marks in order to facilitate reading and understanding.

7. Classical Chinese funny sentences 1. Haha, Mulan flies a plane. What plane does she fly? Boeing 747.

I resigned from Beijing last year and lived in Tokyo, where I was ill. There was no music in Tokyo, and Sima Guang was not heard at the end of the year.

3. Money is what I want; Beauty is what I want. You can't have your cake and eat it, and those who give up money for beauty are also.

I don't leave my grandfather here, I have my own place to leave my grandfather, and I don't leave my grandfather anywhere. I will go to the railway.

I was sick when I was a child, not when I was nine. Alone, as for the establishment of a new China. There are no handsome guys, and finally there are beautiful women. The door is weak and thin, and there is a rest at night.

Liu Suying's illness is often in the sky. Chen Shi urine soup, never expired.

7. Be soft when you catch the sacred dynasty; Li Kui JY, the former satrap, loved Fang La more. From the Secretariat in Leslie Cheung, a courtier and a slave.

8. The imperial edict is strict, and I am in charge of Altman. The whole universe forced me to hang myself. I must obey.

9. I can live for a hundred years without my grandmother; Grandma can live for a thousand years without a minister. Mother and son can't compare with turtles.

10. Chen Mi has two out of twenty this year, and Grandma has nine out of ninety this year. Please forgive my affair.

8. spoofing classical Chinese, the first emperor didn't start a business in half, and the middle road collapsed. On the way, two wolves traveled long distances, broke their throats and tried their best to leave.

On the way east to Jieshi, two wolves traveled a long way. Cao was afraid and threw a bone at it. The tiger saw it and said, "Plug this ear!" " Cut his throat, do your best and leave. Sunset on the mountain, the figure scattered, the satrap returned, the guests followed, the donkey was furious, the hoof stepped on it, broke its throat and left.

Drunk can enjoy yourself, awake can follow the proclamation, the satrap is also, who does the satrap mean, Luling Ouyang Xiu is also, killing fear, breaking his throat, and doing his best to leave. The shame of Jingkang is still fresh, and the courtiers hate it. When it is destroyed, the persimmons have to be picked and softened, but before he can conquer them, he has already died, leaving them as a young man who has left his hometown. The newly married father Xiao, 23, just showed his sharp corner, and an apricot flower came to his court with other ladies-in-waiting. Three thousand rare beauties were armed with guns and iron pestles.