Sketch script, high score!

A: I haven't seen you for a long time.

Yes, it's been over a year.

I thought you lost it.

Am I dead?

A: No, it's already on the stage.

We actors must go deep into life.

A: Then I'll introduce you to a place.

B: Where?

The compound where our family lives.

B: What's there?

A: What's this? Any old man's words will inspire you

Really?

A: Especially for an old actor like you, you are always warm when your uncle greets you!

How do you say hello?

A:' Yo, X is old!'

Grandpa, I can't afford it.

A: "It has been more than a year."

B: That's right.

A: "I thought you lost it!" "

Well, why do you think I should leave? I am still young!

Answer:' Compared with whom, you are younger than me and older than your son.'

Hey, you're really kidding.

A:' Why don't I see you out for a walk?'

B: Busy at work. I've never seen you go out for a walk!

A: "No, I don't know Doyle."

B: As an old Beijinger, you are familiar with this road.

It's just a rough guess, but the new place doesn't work. I heard that Sanyuan overpass was fresh that day, so I went to have a look. After I saw it, I turned around for two hours and walked fifteen times. I don't know where I got off.

B: Yes, you are not used to it.

A:' I'm used to this, but can society progress?'

That's true.

A:' It used to be Qihuamen and Hadmen, but now it is called Chaoyangmen and Chongwenmen.'

B: It was renamed a long time ago.

A:' I am used to drinking bean juice. Children can't say it well if they eat it. It tastes sour and smells bad.

They are not used to it.

Now children like to eat rice, bread and salad. At first, I wanted to know why there was Haraz in western food.

B: You'll get it later.

A:' You have to get used to it from home to outside.'

B: it's better at home.

A:' Good what? It is also a kind of panic. "

B: Why?

My child, you know, is good at playing with electrical appliances. In a chaotic year, I bought a Hungarian TV from a thrift store. In the end, it was dismantled and dismantled. I'm watching the fun. No one at first, all the sheets! "

Sheets?

A:' Sometimes it's horizontal, sometimes it's oblique, and sometimes it's checkered. I have an idea: all right, son, don't change. It's good to change this sheet into curtains.'

B: Cough! I'm tuning the TV!

A:' Only a few years ago, I changed to a sexy one. You go home now and look at a room full of wires. This is connected to the TV, that is connected to the tape recorder, this is connected to the electric fan, and that is connected to the washing machine. I took a look when I was there, alas! Tight encirclement!'

B: Then help me clean up.

Answer:' Don't even dare to move, switch around, draw a cold shot and hit me.'

B: The old man is all thumbs.

A:' Well, it doesn't matter. I'd better listen to semiconductors. It doesn't work.

Don't you like listening to music or something?

A:' It's good to listen to the old ones. What do you mean, to celebrate the harvest? It's comfortable to slow down. Now there are always drums in those music,' * * * plus * * plus, * * * plus', which makes my heart jump with the music there. "Jump, jump, jump, jump! That music, you follow a point. Wow! Sometimes I suddenly stop two beats and then make a big gong sound. Do you think my heart can stand it? '

B: Music is rhythmic now.

A:' This song is everywhere, and now it's getting better and better. Sometimes I can't hear the "* * * plus sign" at night, but I still can't sleep. "

B: There is something wrong with it.

A:' So is the street. What was so particular about selling watermelons before?'

B: pay attention to shouting.

Answer:' Hey, I went over and shouted,' Hey, two pieces, taste them first, and then choose one-'

B: That sounds good.

A:' It's much easier now. Put two speakers next to the watermelon stall and put grandma's Penghu bend. "

Campus songs in Taiwan Province Province.

A:' Hey! Don't say that. It was really attractive when it was released. So is this watermelon buyer. Do you know there are watermelons in Penghu Bay? "Go over there,"

B: That's to attract customers!

A:' Oh, there are all kinds of ideas. You must get used to everything.

B: it's also an improvement.

A:' progress! "I used to like playing with birds and listening to them chirping."

B: Old people all have this hobby.

A:' Don't catch it now. Love birds. The newspaper said it was to keep the balance between the old lady and the old lady.

That's ecological balance.

Oh, I'm surprised, too. This bird player has to have children, but no one has an old lady.'

Do you understand now?

A: "I understand, but the bird market is depressed."

B: Why?

A:' People are always banging! Xizhimen today, Mingyuan Garden tomorrow, Liuliqiao the day after tomorrow and Balizhuang the day after tomorrow. A birdman who runs around Beijing all day. Prepare two money to buy birds, and I can't pay them then. "

B: Why?

A: "I bought all the tickets."

B: Cough! What is the picture? !

A:' Don't you just listen to the birds? The boy in our family suggested to me:' Dad, you should listen to the birds, and I will record it for you with a tape recorder! ''

Hey, this is a new trick.

A:' Forget it, take a Sunday, and you really recorded it for me. Ok, I'll just watch it at home and let that boy play it for me! At first, the sound of "squeak, squeak" was very loud.

B: That will do.

A:' But after listening for a long time, it's always' squeaky, squeaky'. I asked,' Boy, did you record me a bird or a mouse? Why do you keep creaking? ''

B: Please listen later!

A:' The back is a mess. There are many squeaking cocks and laying hens. It will be even worse in the future. "It's screaming!"

What's that noise?

A:' When I asked, I dare say that this boy couldn't find a bird market, so he went to the free market factory to kill chickens and ducks for customers and recorded a dish for me!'

Oh, thank you!

A: Old X, what did you feel in this conversation?

B: Stop it. It's full of life.

A: Talking with my aunt will enrich the content.

Really?

A:' hey, old x, long time no see.'

More than a year, auntie.

A: "I thought you lost it!" "

B: Why do you think I'm gone without seeing me? I'm fine.

A:' Your aunt and I are fine, too.'

I don't see you out very often either.

A:' Well, you have to think about it for a while when you come out.'

What are you thinking about?

A:' What to wear! You said it was a good time for this girl to start. How many kinds of clothes are full today, short tomorrow, tight today and loose tomorrow, with trumpet legs running out and drumsticks coming in? Unlike crotch pants in the past, a pair of pants can last for half a lifetime. Anyway, there is no front. You can wear both sides. "

B: Cough! That dress is out of date.

A: Take shirts as an example. I can't even say their names. Not long ago, my eldest daughter bought me a dress. It's really comfortable to wear chubby, but look, hey, how did this sleeve fall from the bottom? '

This is a new style.

A:' My eldest daughter also told me,' Mom. This is called a butterfly shirt.

B: Yes, it has two wings like a butterfly.

A:' Really, I wear it several times a day. It is good not to reach out, but I am afraid to go out at night.

B: Why?

A:' I'm afraid people will say,' The old night owl tiger is out! ''

Well, this is a model similar to a bat.

A:' Oh, when I was a girl, I didn't dare to wear this. I don't know how to be beautiful. I made red flowers in big green clothes, and the rich man curled his lips and said,' Red matches green, smelly shit! ''

Well, I didn't know how to use the knife ruler at that time.

A: "Now that life has improved, people will like it. No, we have a beauty salon in our service building. I heard that lasers are used to remove wrinkles.

This is a modern beauty technology.

A:' My daughter-in-law has been there. I heard that some wrinkles on my face can be flattened, so I need to remind you.'

B: Remind what?

A:' I told them to shoot once or twice, not tightly. If they take too many photos, they will flatten their eyelids, but pulling them again will not count.

B: well, what you said is too mysterious.

A:' Don't look at my lack of knowledge. I'm also thinking: if a country is good, doesn't that mean everyone is comfortable?'

Yes, a happy life.

A:' It's the same as in previous years. I don't want to wear it, and I don't want to wear it. At my age, I still have to wear national defense green, and I have to pay attention to military capacity and discipline. My neck is too tight, and my voice is flat. I always talk like a rooster. Who can stand it! "

What you said is true.

A:' Don't look, get used to it and ponder it slowly. Our brains are not good, there are too many old things. Take Lao Zhao's big boy next door as an example. He lost his job after graduating from high school. Let me say you are just waiting for something serious to do. He prefers to sell big bowls of tea at the front door. I said, can that have a future? But they did it. From big bowls of tea to small department stores, from small carts to big stores, people have become big shopkeepers. "

B: That's the manager.

A:' Never mind the inside and outside of Beijing. I heard that all state-owned stores have been taken over recently. Not to mention the person in charge, he fired his father after only six days in charge. "

Yo, what's the trouble?

His father is very angry. He says that nothing will be done according to the new regulations. His son has put his righteousness above his family.

B: Cough! That's equal treatment.

A:' We changed everything we thought we should catch. Is it good for the whole people?'

B: Good!

A: "This is a big group!"

B: That's the pot that breaks the system.

A:' Is it good to work long hours?'

B: Good!

A: I have changed to a contract worker. Whoever doesn't behave well doesn't have to.

B: That's a strict management system!

They say this is a second life! "What was it like to be a revolutionary in the past?"

B: What is it like?

A: "It used to be a revolution with guns."

B: What about now?

A: "Now I'm wearing a suit and holding weighing scale!"

Our reform began in the economic field.

Answer:' Even my aunt knows that it has changed!'

How do you change it?

A:' I told my children that filial piety to the elderly is a social virtue now. If one of you is not nice to me, I won't stay in this home, but go to another home!

B: Is that all right?

Why not? Maybe I dare to write to the newspaper and tell them that I don't care about spiritual civilization, which has caused my brain drain.'

B: Hey! Auntie is still a new term.

A: "It's all misplaced!"

Really?

A:' But I'm not afraid to use it wrong. Those who don't stick now don't make excuses. I made a mistake more than ten years ago, and now I feel chilling when I think about it. "

B: What's the matter?

A:' Revolutionary committees have been set up in the streets. Let me talk, but I still praise them.

What do you say?

A: "I said this was Mao Zedong Thought's second great victory!"

B: That's another one.

A: "Two more!"

B: Why?

A:' The atomic bomb exploded once that day!'

B: Cough!

A:' The result was approved for March, and I was too scared to say anything. "You see, I'm always quiet now."

B: You've said a lot.

A: "What a relief!"

That's true.

Now we must learn this new term slowly. It's better this way. I still don't understand.

B: slowly, you will!

A:' Yes, it's easy to listen to you, and some of them don't even understand!'

B: Now this new semester?

A: "Ah!"

B: No!

A:' No? Aunt asked you, are you in love now?'

B: At what age should I still be in love?

Answer: "Talk to your aunt once."

B: Forget it. I don't think uncle will like it in the future.

A: "Talk about the word love."

B: Then you love me. I love you.

A:' Look at what you said, it was all in the past. Now young people use new words that you don't understand.'

How did you know?

A: "The last time my second boy had sex, I stood behind a tree and eavesdropped for an hour."

What are you listening to?

A:' study! Learn the language of the times. "

Do you still need to learn this language?

A:' Do you still need to study? You can't! Listen, the second boy said he saw information in the girl's eyes.

B: information?

A:' The girl saw the feedback from the second boy's eyes again.'

B: feedback?

A: "You are sending a message by blinking."

I can't.

A:' Roll your eyes again and give me feedback.'

B: I can't get through!

A:' The girl said that most of the things in the second boy's head are meridians.'

television

A:' The second boy said that the girl's voice is very nice and stereo.'

A tape recorder.

A: "The second boy said he would shrink."

B: contracting?

Answer:' Take full responsibility for love.'

I thought I was opening a shop.

A:' The girl said she would sponsor.'

B: sponsorship?

A: "Let her mother help them introduce new furniture."

I dare to ask for money.

A:' Later, the voice became louder and louder, and my neck was sore, so I couldn't hear it.'

B: Go over there!

A:' In the past? Don't be fooled, auntie. Now every household is so small, you can't go to the back wall! "

B: Why?

Do you know the name of that place?'

B: What's your name?

A:' that's the love zone!'

B: Cough!

& lt& lt Surf the Internet.

(Scene 1): At home, Zhao watches TV, changes the channel, changes the channel, turns off the phone, shakes his head, feels bored, gets ready, and comes out of the back room.

Zhao: I quit. bye-bye ...

Stop, what are you doing?

Zhao: (laughs) This question is very strange. What time is it now? Why do you ask?

G: What era are you talking about? Is it not a new era of socialism?

Zhao: (shaking his head) I often say that there is a gap between you and me, but you still don't admit it. Now you can see it. A whole century apart. Still living in the 23 rd century. To tell the truth, it's the e era!

G: (grinning) He also said that I was a whole century behind him, but he was 22 centuries behind me. He only lived in 1 century.

Zhao: (glaring) It seems that I can't tell you about world history. (Roll up your sleeves and count your fingers) The development of the world can be divided into several eras. One is: the bronze age, as well as the brass age, the bronze age and the pig iron age. Now with the development of science and technology, it has entered the e era. Let me tell you something popular. It is called the internet age.

G: (nodding inexplicably) Oh ... I don't care about you. What are you doing?

Zhao: It's the E era. What else can you do? I'm telling you, surf the internet! (Proud) Internet! .

G: (Mouth) Whether you are a hard net or a soft net, now is not the time to catch fish and birds, and you don't look at the season. (disdain)

Zhao: (shaking his head) I can't tell her. Wait till tomorrow, and we'll make up a program. Put it in the computer, throw the wire into the river, and enter: two and a half pounds of carp. Absolutely jump ashore, there are no grass carp, and there are no people weighing two pounds. (Proud) Boom, all carp. If there is grass carp, it must be "hackers" destroying it!

Zhao: Well, I don't understand if I talk too much. Very depressing.

G: Old man, what is that broken net? Why is this advanced?

Zhao: (swaggering) Hehe. Computer network.

G: (surprised) God, old man, how dare you get on the power grid? Didn't you get an electric shock on the production team? Why not have a long memory?

Zhao: (dismissively) I don't understand. This is a computer network. There, girls are not called girls. It's called Pretty Girl. Boys are not called boys, they are called "throwing pots".

G: (surprised) Oh, my God, it's Corona. The pot dropped. What did you eat?

Zhao: What's more, I praised the girl for her beauty: it's called blood spraying. Ugly: called dinosaur. Cockroaches are not called cockroaches, they are called cockroaches!

G: (covering your mouth and snickering) Hey, why is it the same as your nickname? Electric you into a cockroach?

Zhao: (glaring and pouting) ... I won't talk to you. Let's leave now.

(Zhao Chu. Gao takes out his laptop from the room)

G: Who doesn't know? Only he knows, and it's the e era. Actually, I went to e early. My son brought it back from abroad, said he missed him, and made a video, like face to face. I dare not let the old man know, lest he rob me. My screen name is Cui Hua.

(Scene 2): Zhao went to the activity center for the elderly and met him surfing the Internet.

Zhao: What are you talking about, it's so hot?

Fan: (panicking ... giggling) No, no, there's nothing to talk about. Watch the news, care about national affairs, the international situation and so on.

Zhao: What's the screen name?

Fan: The screen name is "Responsible for Great Events".

Zhao: (laughs) Please keep it for me. My hallway light is broken.

Fan: Oh, it's a big deal. Didn't you say that the American butterfly is flapping its wings and Japan is going to have an earthquake?

Zhao: Come on, who are you listening to?

Fan: How can this be nonsense? What I saw on the Internet was all said by scientists. What's the effect? According to this, your street lamp is broken. In case you accidentally fall down when you go out, don't you throw Saddam?

Zhao: So if I pee, the Nile will flood? Anyway, you have to care! Fix the street lamp for me later. Isn't it "managing big things"?

Fan: Hey, hey, don't you have household appliances?

Zhao: A flashlight? No, no, not that thing.

Fan: Why not? That thing, don't put it on your waist, face forward, it's headlights, face back, it's rear taillights! I'm still running.

Zhao: No, no, it's broken, poor contact, flash. Get off your ass and go out at night. People think fireflies!

Fan: Just kidding, are there such big fireflies?

Zhao: Why not? What time is it now? In the network age, technology is developed. Genetic engineering, understand? Last time I went to the street, I said, God, is this cherry delicious? Please weigh me two Jin of cherries. People say, uncle, what look? It's tomatoes

Fan: (laughs ...)

Zhao: Let's go shopping the next day. Tell people directly, weigh two Jin of tomatoes. People laughed and said, uncle, look, it's cherry! God, I'm embarrassed. My face turns red when I brush the floor, just like tomatoes.

Ha ha ha ... (both laugh)

Zhao: Don't you have a computer at home? Why do you surf the Internet in the elderly activity center?

Fan: (shaking his head) Forget it. My wife is also surfing the internet. Our good men don't compete with women.

Zhao: Oh, all online?

Fan: That's right. I go home every day, the computer at home is always hot, and the boiling water is always cold; Her eyes are always black, and her eyes are always white; My white socks are always flowery, and my black socks are always hard.

Fan: My uncle who raises chickens in my hometown called me and said that there are always dead chickens in recent days and I don't know what to do. She said, I understand this. The simplest and most effective way is to restart. A crab that I soaked in the washbasin ran away. As a result, she found it behind the refrigerator and said, I will know you online! When I saw it, it was an Okumo. Hey ... I call it "offline" when I sleep, "on" when I get up, "screensaver" when I take a lunch break, and "clear my memory" when I go to the toilet. ...

Zhao: (laughs ... shaking his head) It's no good going on like this. We have to "quit the net".

Fan: Brother, what do you suggest? We had a fight about it. She said: Why kick down the ladder? Didn't you use the search function to find me? I said, you think I'm looking for you I'm searching for Maggie Cheung. You are linked!

Zhao: You still have to quit. This is "sinking into the deep net of the Internet". If you don't catch it, something will happen sooner or later. Leaving is always cruel. Be cruel and make up your mind!

Fan: Brother, do you think this will work? I want to send her back to the mountains of her hometown. That place is remote, and there are no other nets except spider webs and fishing nets.

Zhao: Yes, why not? I can't believe it. She can enter the insect world by connecting the computer to the spider web, and find Nemo by connecting the fishing net?

Fan: Then it's settled. Oh, great, I can surf the Internet at home in the future! !

Zhao: Stop it. Let's hurry to the Internet cafe for a while. I went to irrigate. I've been diving these days, hiding something.

Fan: Brother, don't talk?

Zhao: Yes, why not? The screen name is "handsome to disfigure"

Fan: Oh, brother, good name. My name is a little rustic, called "Xiaohong", and the information says: female, eighteen years old. Don't look at the data, look at the chat effect.

Zhao: Yes, look at the effect of chatting! This information is false. At this age and size, he is still a little red. In the Flying Tigers, Lao Hong is younger than you!

Fan: Yes, that's right. Otherwise, the network is virtual.

Zhao: That's not true. I haven't talked to "Sister Brigitte Lin" recently, which is very speculative.

Fan: My sister?

Zhao: Yes, the screen name is My Sister.

(Scene 3): At home, facing the computer.

G: Small sample, handsome to disfigure. It's bad enough not to destroy it. I know who he is. It's just my dad. Look at this message: If love is wine, you are this bottle of spirit Erguotou. No, I'm going to hit him.

(Scene 4) Elderly Activity Center

Zhao: Look, look, I'll be right there. Oh, you see, I have admired me for a long time. Can you come out for a cup of coffee?

Fan: Brother, it's really good. I envy you. I don't have such a good life.

Zhao: What do you envy? Maybe dinosaurs.

Fan: Then meet her. Maybe she is really a beautiful girl, and my brother will benefit from it.

Zhao: Meet? Then let's meet! Let's meet some netizens.

(Scene 5) At the entrance of the village, under the old pagoda tree. Gao dressed up carefully.

G: Look, everyone, do I look like Brigitte Lin's sister? Yes, I'm just a little fat.

G: Look, look, it's coming.

(Zhao sits under a tall tree and walks up)

Zhao: It seems that you are early. Let's wait.

Fan: How else can you call it a beauty? This is called a reserve.

(Fan Lala Zhao, pointing to the height under the tree. Zhao comes over)

Zhao: Honey, you don't cook at home. What are you doing here? Go back, go back.

G: What can I say? Didn't you say I'm behind the times? I also entered the e era directly from the pig iron era, which is called a leap of the times, understand?

Zhao: Stop talking nonsense and just say it. What are you doing here? Do you know what this place is? This is a place where young people date.

G: I know this is a date place, and I won't come to the crematorium. To tell you the truth, I'm here on a date. (Shy) I'm here to date a net friend.

Zhao: (Surprised, almost fell down, Fan Fu) What? What? What? Dating online friends? Tell me, who is it today? It's strange that I don't kill him. Go ahead, who is it?

My net friend is so handsome.

Zhao: Blow it, just blow it directly. Maybe he's disfigured.

G: God, how do you know he is so handsome that he wants to be disfigured?

Zhao: What did you say? His name is so handsome that he wants to be disfigured?

G: Yes, I am so handsome that I want to be disfigured! !

(Zhao's legs are soft, Fan Ye. )

Zhao whispered to Fan: I really met my sister today. It seems that she is really different from her sister.

Fan: Brother, how about this?

Zhao: What should I do? Come on, go back to the homepage, and retreat when you meet a strong enemy. ...

(Zhao is like a ghost soldier, bending down and sliding down step by step ... background music: tunnel warfare)

Gao chased after him and shouted, old man, what are you doing?

Zhao replied from a distance: too handsome, disfigured.