The true status of wives in traditional society

The peach is a beautiful peach, and it burns with splendor. The son of a man who returns to his home is suitable for his family. Three thousand years ago, the forefathers celebrated the marriage of a woman in simple but passionate terms. After starting a family, the man builds his career outside, the woman teaches her children at home, and they share the same sweetness and pain for the rest of their lives. What was originally an ordinary and beautiful life in a traditional family has been interpreted as a female tragedy in today's society.

Regarding traditional women, many people have this impression: they do not go out of the door, they do not step out of the door, their words and deeds are bound by traditional morality, and they become subordinate to their husbands after marrying, and they work hard for their husbands for their whole life, and they also have to put up with their concubines, and they may be rejected at any time.

But is this really the true state of traditional wives? If we can calm down and read those yellowed pages that have been passed down through the ages, we may be able to find out a little bit of the truth, and understand the true interpretation of the relationship between husband and wife in ancient times, as well as the wife's contribution to the family and the responsibilities they shoulder.

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Husband and wife support each other, and the wife is also Qi

In the history and classics, husband and wife are regarded as the most important ethical relationship among human relationships. In the Zhouyi, it is said that after the creation of heaven and earth, all things were created, and after the creation of all things, there was a difference between men and women, and then there were human relationships such as husband and wife, father and son, ruler and minister, and then there were also the concepts of up and down and etiquette [1]. Husband and wife relationship can be called the beginning of human relationships, as emphasized in the "Records of the Grand Historian": "the occasion of husband and wife, the humanities of the great Lun also."

"Zhongyong" even said: "The way of the gentleman, the creation of the end of the couple, and its to the end also, the investigation of heaven and earth." The ancients placed the relationship between husband and wife as the starting point for the gentleman to cultivate himself, and its most profound realm is connected with the right way between heaven and earth. Because the husband and wife relationship can be derived from a series of relationships such as father and son, siblings, relatives, and ultimately woven into the entire social network of relationships, and thus the husband and wife relationship is the most important of the entire family relationship, husband and wife to abide by their own way, each abide by their own, in order to make the family harmony, the family style is correct.

Further, the husband and wife are related to the rise and fall of the country's major events, which is also known as "father father, son son, brother, brother, husband and wife, women, and the family road is correct; positive family and the world is set" [2]. Confucian culture of husband and wife, father and son, ruler and subject, the eldest and youngest, friends, as the five human relationships, and more "cultivate oneself, the family, rule the country, the world" moral ideal. The first thing you need to do is to make sure that your family is in the right place, and since the relationship between husband and wife is so important, how could the ancients only emphasize the husband and devalue the wife?

So, how did the ancients define husband and wife? The book "Baihu Tong" talks about: the husband, support also; wife, Qi also. [3] The husband is the backbone of the family, the responsibility to lead, support, by him to support the family livelihood, regulate the family order. The wife, on the other hand, is the one who shoulders the same responsibility as the husband, that is, the husband and wife are one and the same, and they work together to make the small family well organized. A wife is also called a "woman", i.e., she serves, i.e., she is responsible for running the household and taking care of the family. Married women have these two names, perhaps suggesting that they have to take on more responsibilities in the marriage and family.

The woman in charge of the interior, the family prime minister

Couples are one, but men and women are different, different specialties, it is "a yin and a yang is called the way" [4]. The man represents the masculine, the woman represents the feminine, the ancients according to the yin and yang way, established the "male superiority and inferiority of women", "men outside, women inside" family ethics. This respect and inferiority is not a simple definition of noble and lowly, but a wisdom of life based on the law of heaven and earth. Heaven is yang, in the upper for the honor, means that men should be as tough as the sky, self-reliance; earth is yin, in the lower for the humble, means that women should be as humble as the ground, heavy virtue, tolerance of all things.

And specific to the husband and wife in the life of the duties, but also involves the internal and external points. Husbands outside, for the king, the king of the rich, strong people; for the subject of the loyal duty, to assist the king of the mountain; for the generals, the war in the north and south, to protect the country; for the people, fishing, woodcutting, farming and reading, hard work. At home, the wife is to abide by the rules of womanhood, teach the children, take care of the family's property, and help preside over the family rituals and ceremonies. The Book of Rites says, "Men do not speak of the interior; women do not speak of the exterior." Men do not ask about domestic affairs, in order to focus on career development; women do not interfere with their husbands' external affairs, in order to focus on wine, food, women's red and other domestic affairs, to take care of the whole family, but also to avoid the husband's worries.

Some people may think that the ancient women's life seems to be for the husband to live, no personal value can be said. I don't know, the monarch for the national politics, the generals for the national livelihood, the ordinary people for the family to work, which man is for their own life? Isn't this just a proof of the selfless virtue of traditional culture that everyone is for others? Moreover, compared to men, women are soft and delicate, dexterous, really suitable for the family, more able to contribute to the family side of the small world of their own heart.

Ancient people prefer to compare the husband and wife as a ruler and minister, the husband is the head of the family, then the wife is the home prime minister. Therefore, the daughter-in-law of the family also has the name of "mother", indicating that she and her husband, is respected by the whole family. In the matter of teaching children, a virtuous wife can train the next generation of gentlemen and ladies, which is even more important for the fate of the family and even the fate of the country. Therefore, the world has a virtuous woman, there is a virtuous wife; there is a virtuous wife, there is a virtuous mother, there is a virtuous mother, there is a virtuous son. In the men for the establishment of morality, merit, speech and history, in the background of the woman, the traditional culture, morality, play an immeasurable role in the continuation of the role. In this way, the wife is the husband's most relied upon ministers, but also the most dependent on the family in terms of food, clothing, housing and transportation, how can they not get the attention of the husband's family?

Wedding for this, women's education is important

Since the Duke of Zhou made the rituals and music, the traditional wedding has a complex program and deep connotation, through the customary changes over the generations slightly changed, most of them can not be separated from the core content of the three books and six rituals. It is precisely the name of the right to say, the union of men and women, the establishment of the name, is on the top of the rituals, on the bottom of the offspring of the major events, and therefore, "the faint rituals, the rites of passage" [5], the ancients thousands of years have maintained the basic rituals of traditional weddings.

Many parts of the wedding, can reflect the ancient people on the wife's importance and expectations. For example, nazai, ask the name, naji, nazheng, please period and other rituals, the male party should be held in the woman's family temple, in the witness of the ancestors to show each other's respect and caution; to welcome the bride on the day of the husband to symbolically drive the car for his wife, to be the wheels turn over three weeks and then by the driver, showing the husband and wife respect and affectionate; husband and wife with a melon dissected into two scoops to drink wine, known as "fm radio", indicating that the husband and wife are one and the same. fm radio", indicating that the husband and wife are one and the same, together and together.

Early in the morning of the second day after entering the husband's home, the bride also has to perform the female ritual. After she bathes and cleans herself, she solemnly pays homage to her in-laws and completes a series of sacrificial rites to show her humility and filial piety; after the rites are completed, the in-laws go down from the west step, and the new wife goes down from the east step (dongtai) used by the master to indicate that the new wife has taken over the heavy burden of housekeeping from now on. According to the Book of Rites, these rituals expect the wife to be "obedient", filial to her elders, and harmonious with her family, which is the guarantee of a prosperous family.

Ancient people have high expectations of their wives, female moral education is a mandatory course in the life of a woman. Ancient women from the age of ten, we must accept the same teacher, "Fu mother" education, learning to speak and behave in a gentle and supple manner, listen to the teachings of the elders, learning to raise silkworms and reeling, spinning and weaving, sewing and embroidery and other women's red skills, learning to prepare for what the rituals in the rituals of the sacrificial vessels, sacrificial food, and the rules of the arrangement. In the three months before the marriage, they also have to undergo intense "pre-marriage training", mastery of moral speech and face work, after the completion of the study, but also by way of offering to the ancestors, showing that the woman's virtue of suppleness has been equipped to be married to a woman.

In addition to teaching women's moral education, there are many books that regulate women's moral behavior and speech in history, represented by the biographies of women and the "female four books". Some people may think that this is another discrimination and confinement of women, but in fact, the ancients believed that the ideal relationship between husband and wife is "husband righteousness and woman obedience". According to Xunzi, a husband should be able to "achieve success without flowing, and to be present without discrimination", that is to say, he should try his best to achieve success without indulging in debauchery, and he should try his best to be close to his wife but keep a certain boundary. The husband has done the right thing, and the wife will naturally follow him, and become a gentle and considerate wife.

As to why the ancients have been emphasizing the virtue of women, but rarely mentioned the virtue of the husband, this is probably still out of the "male position outside" considerations, husband and wife, family affairs is not the main content of male life. As a matter of fact, is it not true that most of the ancient scriptures, histories and collections of books were devoted to advising and regulating men's speech, behavior and morality? A man who has the virtues of benevolence, righteousness, courtesy, wisdom, and faith is sure to be a good husband, a good son, and a good father.

So it seems that there are far fewer books on women's virtues. No wonder Empress Xu, who wrote "The Inner Training" (one of the four books on women), lamented that the world's "only woman has not been taught the whole book". Therefore, we should be more thankful for this kind of books, so that today's women can find the traditional women's morality.

Reading the words left behind by the sages, we will be surprised to find that, in traditional culture and morality, the husband and wife are the beginning of human relationships and the importance of governance, and the wife plays an irreplaceable role in the family. The wife plays an irreplaceable role in the family. It is the greatest blessing for every family to have a good wife. The traditional culture of women's attention and requirements, perhaps should also let today's women think y, their own responsibility and mission is very important.

Notes:

[1]Zhouyi-Preceding Gua Chuan: There is heaven and earth, and then there is everything; there is everything, and then there is a man and a woman; there is a man and a woman, and then there is a couple; there is a couple, and then there is a father and a son; there is a father and a son, and then there is a ruler and a minister; there is a ruler and a minister, and then there is a up and down; there is a down and up and then there is a mistake in the etiquette.

[2] Tuan of the I Ching: Family members, women are in the right place inside, men are in the right place outside, men and women are in the right place, and heaven and earth are in the right place. The family has a strict ruler, the parents are also called parents. The father, the son, the brother, the brother, the brother, the husband, the wife, and the woman, and the family is right; the family is right and the world is settled.

[3] "Baihu Tong - marriage": wife, Qi also, and the husband Qi body, from the son of heaven down to the common people of its righteousness. Husband, help also, help to humane people also; women, service also, service in the family, the people also.

[4] Zhou Yi - Department of Rhetoric: a Yin and a Yang is called the Road, following the goodness of the person, into the nature of the person.

[5] From "Rituals - Fainting Righteousness".