What are the main problems in the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law?

The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law refers to the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law in China schools, and many problems need to be paid attention to when getting along. The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law has been complicated since ancient times. With the impact of various foreign thoughts since the reform and opening up, the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law has been escalating. Relationship analysis 1, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is also an interpersonal relationship. 2. The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is a special and difficult interpersonal relationship. Because, first, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law exist in the same economic interest body, and there will be contradictions between economy and interests. Second, both sides want to control things by themselves, which will inevitably lead to contradictions. 3. To get along with mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, we must first adjust the mentality of both sides and focus on communication. There are two basic relationships between the causes of imbalance and special families: one is the relationship between husband and wife, and the other is the relationship between parents and children, which constitute the basis of family structure. Other relationships, such as brothers and sisters, sister-in-law, mother-in-law and grandchildren, are all derived from this. The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law has its particularity in family interpersonal relationship. It is neither a marriage relationship nor a blood relationship, but a special relationship formed by the above two relationships. Therefore, this interpersonal relationship has neither the stability of parent-child relationship nor the intimacy of marriage relationship. It is formed by the extension of parent-child relationship and husband-wife relationship. If handled well, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law each "love my house and my dog"-mother-in-law loves her daughter-in-law because she loves her son, and daughter-in-law loves her mother-in-law because she loves her husband, so the relationship between them will be harmonious. However, if it is not handled properly, there will be cracks between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, which is difficult to make up. Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law with different interests live in the same family. The same affiliation naturally leads to the same economic interests, and both sides naturally want their families to prosper. This is the same side of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law But at the same time, there are often differences, contradictions and even infighting in the management and control of family affairs. Our family has the tradition of "men are the masters outside and women are the masters inside". My mother-in-law has been in charge of the family for decades, giving power to her daughter-in-law, who plays the leading role in family affairs. It is often difficult for mother-in-law to adapt to this role change. "Although some mothers-in-law are over 60 years old, they still want to maintain their economic dominance in the family, or it is difficult to accept the fact that their daughter-in-law is in charge of the family's economic power; The daughter-in-law is often unwilling to give in, which will inevitably lead to contradictions. Even if the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law live in the same household, it is easy to have differences because of their different status, different angles of consideration and different needs. Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law who did not accept well originally lived in different families, each with its own life background and habits, while mother-in-law and daughter-in-law lived in one family and had a process of getting to know each other and adapting to each other gradually. If you can't adapt well and accept each other, there will be tension and contradiction. Intermediary imbalance In the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, the son plays a very important intermediary role. If the son plays a good intermediary role, the emotional connection between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law can be strengthened. On the contrary, it is easy to become the focus of contradictions, and there is a dilemma of "being attacked on both sides". Despite the deep affection between mother and son, it is inevitable that this relationship will become complicated after marriage. Because after all, husband and wife have more similarities in activities, plans, expenses and communication. On these issues, the consistency of husband and wife's views often exceeds that of mother and son. This is because the son and mother are separated by a generation and have psychological differences, which easily leads to the imbalance of the intermediary role of the son. If a mother doesn't understand, she will have the mentality of "marrying her daughter-in-law and forgetting her mother", mistakenly thinking that her son's feelings for himself were taken away by her daughter-in-law and she was angry with her daughter-in-law. Coordination method mutual respect and understanding both mother-in-law and daughter-in-law must first have a correct understanding of this interpersonal relationship. Both mother-in-law and daughter-in-law should recognize each other's independent personality and economic status, and their relationship is an equal interpersonal relationship, not a relationship in which one party must obey the domination and domination of the other. It is very important to realize this. If both parties or one party lacks a correct understanding of this relationship and thinks that the other party must or should obey and obey themselves, and thus regards this equal interpersonal relationship as a relationship of domination and obedience, it will inevitably be manifested in actions and attitudes. Lead to the imbalance between the two sides. Mutual respect between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law requires both sides to discuss things with the whole family, such as economic expenses and matters involving the whole family, and cultivate a democratic family style; Personal affairs should not interfere with each other, and individuals should enjoy "autonomy". "As a daughter-in-law, you should respect your mother-in-law, because her mother-in-law is old and experienced as a housekeeper; A mother-in-law should not always put on airs in front of her daughter-in-law, but should see her strengths and respect her opinions. In other words, the two sides should cooperate and respect each other. After living together for many years, it is inevitable that some uncoordinated things will happen. At this time, it is even more necessary for both sides to understand each other. The so-called "understanding" is to consider the problem from the other side's standpoint. The principles of "put yourself in the other's shoes" and "don't do to others what you don't want others to do to you" advocated by our ancestors in dealing with interpersonal relationships all contain the idea of understanding, which is the "golden rule" in dealing with interpersonal relationships and is completely applicable to dealing with the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. To develop a good relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, both sides need to learn to understand and be considerate of each other. For example, when going to the garden on Sunday, the daughter-in-law should not only go with her husband and children, but also leave her in-laws at home so that her mother-in-law will not feel lonely. On the contrary, the daughter-in-law takes care of her husband more and her mother-in-law less, and her mother-in-law should be considerate. If both mother-in-law and daughter-in-law can put themselves in each other's shoes and understand each other when they get along, the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law will not be great, but will develop as close as parent-child relationship. Avoid quarreling when there are differences and contradictions between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, both sides should keep a cool head. Even if one party loses his temper, the other party should restrain his emotional reaction and wait until the other party's mood is calm before discussing and dealing with the existing problems. Psychology tells us that negative and strong emotions can easily make people lose their rationality and lead to the escalation of conflicts; There is also "inertia" in quarreling, that is, once there is a "war" over a trivial matter, there will be frequent quarrels in the future, and over time, prejudice will grow bigger and bigger. Therefore, when one party's emotional reaction is fierce, the other party should remain calm and silent, or look for opportunities to get out and avoid, and then exchange views and deal with problems after the situation subsides. In addition, both mother-in-law and daughter-in-law have opinions on weekdays, and it is forbidden to talk with neighbors, colleagues or friends. There is a folk proverb in our country: "The more you donate, the less you donate, and the more you take. ".I'm talking about the bad influence of" messaging "in interpersonal relationships. If the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are not in harmony, telling relatives and neighbors will spread beyond recognition, which will only aggravate the contradiction. As a mother-in-law, you should take a warning. As a daughter-in-law, we should have a good relationship with our mother-in-law. In addition to material filial piety, we should also pay attention to emotional communication with our mother-in-law and eliminate psychological barriers. Only timely psychological communication can shorten the psychological distance between the two sides. Therefore, a daughter-in-law should always ask her mother-in-law how she is warm and cold on weekdays. Whenever the elderly are unwell, they need careful care and psychological comfort. Play the intermediary role of the son As mentioned above, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is a new family interpersonal relationship formed by the extension of parent-child relationship and husband-wife relationship. The son plays the role of "intermediary" in the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. As the intermediary point of the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, he knows the personality characteristics of both sides best. Therefore, sons play a very important intermediary role in dealing with the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. This function is mainly manifested in: ① sons can help mother-in-law and daughter-in-law communicate psychologically. The so-called "communication" is the psychological and emotional return between people. Through the communication between sons, it is easier for wives to eliminate psychological barriers and enhance their feelings. For example, if there are any good things about her mother-in-law at home on weekdays, her son can invite his wife to come forward more, and her mother can buy something for her birthday and ask her to come forward and give it to the elderly. These strategies are conducive to emotional communication between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. (2) When the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are in conflict, the son can play the role of counseling. Because the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law lack the kindness between mother and son. There is no sense of closeness between husband and wife, so it is often difficult to bridge the gap. Through the interaction of sons, psychological barriers can be eliminated and mother-in-law and daughter-in-law can be reconciled. Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law get along. Four secrets of getting along: treat her directly and honestly as your mother (daughter), say whatever you have, and never put it in your stomach. Secret 2: Respect each other No matter what differences you encounter, the first thing that comes to mind is to respect each other, so all contradictions are not contradictions. Secret 3: Be tolerant, not picky, understand each other, be more tolerant, and don't look at each other critically, then all contradictions can be solved. Tip 4: Put yourself in others' shoes. People's hearts are all meat. How can you treat her badly with such a good mother-in-law? Six methods 1. In a family that understands love, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law does not need to be deliberately good. In fact, the family environment has a great influence on the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Although the daughter-in-law is someone else's daughter, she should naturally become a family because of her son. In the eyes of parents-in-law, they should be no different from their daughters and sons. Parents love their sons, sons love their parents, and daughters-in-law should also enjoy the same treatment. In fact, in a good family, mutual love is always reflected in equality, respect, consideration and tolerance. Daughter-in-law married to such a family, if she wants to integrate into this family, she can only use emotion. Otherwise it will destroy the ecology of the whole family. Naturally, not only the mother-in-law can tolerate it, but even her husband may not buy it. In a loving family, sincerity, fairness and affection are enough. Therefore, it is really a blessing for a woman to marry a good husband's family. 2. The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law that can be dominated by elders is often peaceful. Elders dominate the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, which means that mother-in-law has a high status and identity, and can bite the hand that feeds her. Mother-in-law may have an absolute advantage in social status, economic status and interpersonal relationship. And the daughter-in-law has to respect her parents-in-law everywhere and be careful everywhere. If the daughter-in-law is secretly unfilial, the mother-in-law may criticize directly, even if she is not satisfied, she must be convinced. In this dominant relationship, the daughter-in-law naturally has a good example and standard. In this case, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is not necessarily as close as that of a child, but she is also self-sufficient and peaceful. 3, the same temperament will often create the best relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law in the world. For mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, it is easy to get together if they are congenial or want to have a good relationship with each other, just like fate. Especially because the two sides love the same person and become closer. The two sides may go out shopping together, * * * attend some parties or health clubs and other activities, and both of them stay together and take the initiative to think of each other. Such a relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law will exist, although it is not too much. Why do you want to put forward this relationship model is to show that the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law with the same temperament is the best. How to achieve the same temperament is also a problem worthy of consideration when mother-in-law and daughter-in-law get along. Temperament is of course innate, but it is also acquired, because nature cannot be changed, but love can be cultivated. 4. Being stingy is the main reason why mother-in-law and daughter-in-law get along. Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law get along, and they are originally a family. They are afraid that you will think that the other party is an outsider, so you will suspect, accuse or curse at random. Don't treat each other as relatives, but enemies, even enemies, which will alienate them psychologically and lack tolerance and understanding in behavior. When the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is not good, we may find that both mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are at fault. In fact, when we get along with others, we are easy to suffer indignities, often because our endurance is very small, and naturally it is easy to make a big fuss about small things, or even find something to smoke, which makes us unbearable. A healthy relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law often requires more tolerance from both sides, and both sides can tolerate people and things. There are many contradictions between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, and sons often shoulder the heavy responsibility of coordination. The son is the bond between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Therefore, if the son's emotional intelligence is high, it will definitely play an important role in the handling of the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. In fact, fairness is important, but emotion is more important. If the son doesn't understand this, it will often make the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law more tense. In fact, a family's tutor can be seen from his son to a great extent. In the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, the son should not only treat others fairly, but also be affectionate and righteous. The key lies in his own intelligence and self-cultivation, especially his own special role. 6. The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is often hopeless. Generally speaking, the family relationship itself is often abnormal in a family with a bad relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. This kind of family is not calm, because with a powerful one, it will naturally upgrade. Some families, even though their mother-in-law and daughter-in-law have separated, still insist on treating each other as enemies. It's okay. If something goes wrong, throwing bricks at each other, throwing dirty water and cursing the street will make the distance restless. The son of this family is naturally not much better, either a loser, eccentric or defective. In the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, if you kiss each other, you will either add fuel to the fire or sit quietly. You will be very happy to watch the drama, and you will be very relieved to kill either one.