Which big G big J tell me a few jokes~

1Child and Cat

The child is sitting at home eating. The cat walks up to him and purrs. The kid throws a piece of meat to the cat and it eats it and purrs again.

The child threw another piece to the cat, which it ate, and still purred.

The child got angry and stood up and said loudly, "You sit in my seat and make me mia mia, and you give me meat!"

2 What's the "but"

The schoolboy was telling a story, "The cat saw the mouse and turned into a tiger, but when it saw the tiger, it

turned into a mouse ......

One of them asked him, "What does this "but" mean?

He thought for a moment and replied:

"It is an animal that is bigger than a cat, but smaller than a tiger."

3 The Bet

Two little friends were making a bet.

"I bet you don't have the guts to go into that dark house alone!"

"You say I don't have the guts? Then come with me and I'll go in and show you!"

4 Tying Her Shoes

On the street, a little girl walked up to an uncle in a police uniform, who looked her up and down

and asked carefully:

"Are you a policeman?"

"Yes."

"Mom says that no matter what the trouble is, if you ask for a police officer, you'll get help, is that

right?"

"Yes!"

"Well then," the little girl lifted one foot up, "please help me tie my shoe."

5 Baby in the Belly

A pregnant woman was walking along the road when a little girl approached her and asked, "Auntie, why is your

belly so big?"

"Because there's a baby in your belly!"

"Auntie, you are afraid of trouble, aren't you?"

"Huh? Why?"

"You think it's inconvenient to hold the baby, so you put him in your stomach."

1Notification

"What's wrong with you today? What are you doing fiddling with it all the time in the middle of the day?" Father said, from

Son's hand grabbed the notice, flipping through it. On it was an endorsement written by the teacher: "In class

Shooting a slingshot and putting bugs into a classmate's coat pocket ......Parents are invited to come in for a talk."

"You do all this in school, what kind of person will you grow up to be?" The father barked at his son

.

"Dad, this isn't my notice, I found it in your old suitcase."

2 Ways

A mother was teaching his 7-year-old son. She said to her son, "You're riding in a car with no seats

there are no seats left, and then an old woman wants to get in, what do you do?"

"I just yelled at her: get off, wait for the next one! No more seats, little man."

3 Not Afraid of Ghosts

One day, Xiao Yang took his child to Five Fingers Mountain to play. The child ran up all over the mountain. Xiao

Yang was afraid that the child would be in danger, so he scared him, saying, "Don't run around, beware that there are ghosts here who want to eat people."

The child immediately replied, "I'm not afraid of ghosts. You have forgotten that the uncles and aunts next door call you a gambling

ghost; my mother calls me a brat; my grandmother calls my grandfather a smoker; my mother calls you a lazy ghost; and you call my mother

mother a dead ghost. I deal with ghosts every day, what a ghost I'm afraid of!"

4Buy it next time

Dad: "If you can get more than 95 points in this exam, I'll buy you a violin. ...

A couple of bob "Dad, the exam papers are out and I got 96."

Dad: "Very good. Well, not bad ......"

Son: "Then give me the human violin! ...

Dad: "Money is tight this month, buy it next month."

Son: "This is the second exam, look at it."

Dad: "Ah! Only 59 points on the test? You ......"

Son: "Scores are tight this time, next time."

5 Why

Kid: "Dad, what's this smoking?"

Dad: "Remember, the smoking is the chimney."

Child: "Call, got it! Dad, then why isn't your nose called a chimney?"

Dad: "......"

Metamorphic chemistry "research

In a restaurant.

One customer, carrying a tray of dumplings, turns away from the sales window and says with a smile, "I do

love wontons!"

Another customer, holding a bowl of wontons, declared, "I'm a big fan of noodle leaves (pasta sheets)!"

The customers were fuming at this, when one of them, a quick-witted customer, solemnly explained, "They

are all very knowledgeable about food molting chemistry."

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"Hygienic" kitchen

< p>After the meal, a customer called the restaurant owner over. "Congratulations, sir, you have a very hygienic kitchen here!" "Thank you, sir ...... I do my best. But, may I ask, how can you boast about the hygiene of my kitchen when you have never visited it?" "Oh, it's very simple; everything I've just eaten here smells of soap."

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"Foster's store"

A: "What's your profession?" B: "I run a 'foreign goods store'." A: "Why don't you sell Chinese goods?" B: "I'm not selling foreign goods, all national goods, only because business is bad, can not make money, down to raise a few fellows, so called 'foster partner store'."

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"King Zhuang" banquet

"I heard that your family opened a restaurant yesterday, how many tables were opened ah?" "Just open a table." "A table can also earn it fifty-sixty right?" "Earn? I lost more than 100 dollars!" "No shit, how could you lose money?" "You don't know, I'm King Zhuang of Chu hosting a banquet, inviting the Five Hegemons!"

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10 minutes and 30 years

At the window of the cashier's office. The payee pressed on, "I've been standing at your window for 10 minutes." The collector slowly replies, "I've been sitting behind the window for 30 years."

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The Cold Shrinkage of Buns

Customer: "You guys have 1-tael buns here. Why are they so small?" Salesman: "They were quite big when they first came out of the pot." Customer: "How come they are small now?" Salesman: "Don't you understand heat rise and cold contraction?"

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The Man in the Bun

A man was eating a bun in a restaurant, and as he ate, he suddenly shouted: "Oops, there's someone in this bun!" Customers heard, all gathered to see the strange, the waiter was very angry, said: "You are afraid of crazy it! Where is the person in the bun?" The man said, "You say there is no one in the bun, how do you fill it with someone's hair?"

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Buns with thick skin

Customer: "Boss, do you have a nearby drilling team?" Boss: "Why do you ask?" Customer: "I want to drill to see where the bunting is."

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Flavored Mouth

A chili pepper vendor saw a man with a Hunan accent approaching and yelled. "If you want to buy hot peppers, come quickly, no money if they are not hot!" Hunan guests bought a catty away. At this time, a Shanghai man came to buy, the peddler shouted again: "I this chili, not spicy at all, but also with a sweet flavor." The Shanghai guest was about to buy, suddenly saw the Hunan man came back and said: "You this chili is sweet, I do not want." The peddler argued: "This pepper is flavored pepper, love spicy eat spicy, like sweet eat sweet." A Cantonese passer-by heard this and said with a smile, "I don't want chili peppers, I want to buy your flavored mouth. The street a burst of laughter.

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No need to sterilize

Customer: "You this tableware is not always not sterilized either?" Clerk: "It's never loaded with drugs, what's sterilized!"

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Pairing

"Uncle, I want to buy a copy of "Children's Generation ." "Buy it to go with a different book." "What book is it paired with?" "A book 'Old Age World'."

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Haircuts

Barber: "What kind of haircut do you want? " Young man: "The haircut that will stand out the most." Barber: "That's fine! I'll shave your head."

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Vaccination

Customer: "I ordered the food, how come you haven't bring it?" Waiter: "Sir, please wait a little longer, the dishes have long been ready." Customer: "Why do you want me to wait when it's already done?" Waiter: "Because there are a few flies in the dish, wait for you to eat after the vaccination."

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Flavored Snacks

Customer: "You sell food on the street. You should add a dust cover." Salesman: "No need, I sell all the flavorful local snacks."

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Presenting a small meat

The diner smiled slightly: "When I order food, I don't seem to have ordered flies. I don't seem to have ordered the fly!" The waiter was subdued, "But that doesn't have to be an additional charge."

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Hanging signs

Bao Xiaoxiao does funny things and gets the nickname Mr. Funny. He was working as a fellow in a hotel. One morning, he went to hang a signboard, and when he was not careful, the signboard fell into two halves, and the owner was very angry and said, "How can you be so careless, damn it!" Mr. Funny, however, did not panic and said, "Master: you are going to open a branch soon, which is a very good omen! Congratulations!" And the master laughed.

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News from the sea

A man went to the market to buy a fish, and he picked up a fish from the stall and sniffed it. The fish seller was afraid that he might smell that his fish was not fresh, so he said angrily, "Sir, it's all right if you don't buy the fish, but what are you sniffing at?" He replied, "I am not sniffing, I am talking to the fish." "What are you talking to the fish about?" "I asked the fish if there was any news in the sea." "What did the fish answer you?" "The fish answered me that it didn't know the news from the sea because it had been out of the sea for a long time!"

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Good Radio

You once told me that with this radio I could get all the stations. " A man at an electronics store said grumblingly. "What? You can't tune in?" "I do, but always at the same time."

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Paying extra for electricity

Customer: "What, this room costs 20 bucks? The room is in such bad condition that I can't sleep at night. To pass the time, I had to get up and read." Innkeeper: "Ah, so you had to pay 50 cents for electricity!"

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Brilliant use of lifebuoys

A swimmer: "Your factory made the life preservers enabled me to learn to swim very quickly." Factory manager: "Many compliments." Swimmer: "No need to be modest. The lifebuoys produced by your factory are out of breath at the sight of water, I had to swim desperately, and as a result, I learned to swim very quickly."

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Joking

There are some boys who, thinking they are grown-ups, go to the barber's shop to shave their faces One time a boy went into a barber shop and asked the barber to shave his face. The barber asked him to sit down, put soap on his face and left him alone. The boy got tired of waiting and cried out, "Hey, why do you keep me here all the time?" The barber replied, "I'm waiting for your beard to grow."

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Returnable

A salesman for a plastics factory, at a nationwide ordering meeting, introduced the following to the guests. He said, "The printed film ponchos produced by our factory are durable and innovative." With that, he took out a poncho and draped it over his body, and suddenly realized that the poncho was cracked on the shoulder. He smiled slightly and continued to say, "Do you see? Like this bad, we can return and exchange."

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Large mouth

Women customers: "Your bread is very small. It can be swallowed in one bite." Shopkeeper: "Can you swallow this bread in one bite? I'm afraid it's not the bread that's small."

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Wide Tight Belt

A: "I'm afraid this belt is big wide! " Clerk: "No, put it on tight." B: "This belt, big tight it?" Clerk: "Wear it on the wide."

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Buttermilk

A customer sighed as he pointed to the dish he had just bought: "Ugh, how come there are only a few slices of meat in this buttermilk?" Another customer picked up the conversation and said, "If the meat can't be slipped, can it be called stir-fry meat?"

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Buying a tape

At the audio-visual tape store. "Can you be sure that this tape is sung by Pavarotti? But, mind you, he doesn't speak German at all!" "Yes, that I know, but it's a translation."

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Buying butter

A little boy walks into a grocery store and says to the grocer: "Buy a pound of butter. Mommy says it has to be exactly the same as the stuff I bought yesterday." "Ah," said the grocer happily, "your mother really appreciates the butter I sell, that's great!" "Yes," said the boy, "mamma says that this butter will keep those who love to come to my house to eat from now on."

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Buying Meat

Customer: "I'll take nine taels. " Vendor: "9 two meat is not good accounting, you simply cut a catty." Customer: "In fact, the same, I want a catty every time, you also only give me 9 two."

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The Medicine Seller and Medicine A cripple shouted in the marketplace, "Come and buy medicine! I have here a panacea for every ill!" A man came forward and asked, "Does your medicine really cure all diseases?" The seller hurriedly replied, "Of course, the medicine can cure all diseases, please try it." The man said, "Can you cure lameness?" "It can be cured." "Then why don't you use your medicine to cure your lameness?"

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Fabulous associations

Customer: "Eating the Yuanxiao of your store reminds me of the name of a great poet in the Tang Dynasty." Waiter: "I can't believe that my store's snacks can make you have such a wonderful association, may I ask who this poet is?" Customer: "Li (Li) Bai."

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Easy to learn

Customer: "Excuse me, is the pipa good? I want to buy one." Salesman: "Easy to learn, it's the easiest, you can play it as soon as you play it. Buy one to go!"

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The Missing Golden Chicken

A customer went to a big restaurant for dinner, and bought a plate priced at $4.50 for "Golden chicken fried bamboo shoots", but the plate did not even see a small piece of chicken skin. The customer was very upset and walked to the manager with the dish and said, "Comrade, please borrow a magnifying glass." "What for?" The manager asked. The customer replied, "I want to look for the missing golden chicken in the bamboo forest."

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Discovering the secret

A man came to the deep-fried doughnut stand and said to the owner: "Yikes! How much oil do you need in a day to fry doughnuts!" The owner said, "There's no such thing as frying doughnuts without oil." "What a waste, what a pity." "It's a pity, but you still have to fry. How can you fry doughnuts without oil?" "My family has been selling doughnuts for several generations, and we never use oil to fry them." The master wanted to get his secret, so he invited him to dinner and entertained him. After the meal, he whispered to the master, "My family has been selling doughnuts for generations, and they are all sold by peddlers, so they don't need to be deep-fried." The host was dumbfounded.

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The Amateur

Customer: "After this TV was repaired, the screen how always shaking?" Repairman: "Then you're an amateur, that's a movie taken during an earthquake."

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Miles of Fragrance

Customer: "How! This perfume doesn't smell good at all?" Clerk: "Don't you know its name is 'Miles of Fragrance'? To be separated by 10,000 miles to be fragrant ah?"

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Smile service

A: "Why does the salesman wear a photo on his chest? photo?" B: "To carry out smile service ah!" A: "What does this have to do with wearing a photo?" B: "You do not see that photo of people are smiling!"

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Why the swollen face

A saw a vendor with a swollen face and nose, picking a stretcher quickly walked by, so he asked B is what was the matter. B said, "This is a peach seller. He had sworn to his customers that "the peaches I sell are of the most expensive variety and are all very sweet. If it's not sweet, you can throw it in my face."

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The Atheist

Customer: "Miss, on your wall you have this saying. Customer is God, but your service attitude is not like this, isn't it inconsistent with your words and deeds?" Waiter: "That is the manager posted, I am an atheist, do not believe in God."

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Sparse porridge

"This porridge is so thin! There's no flavor at all, and it costs 20 cents a bowl, it's so pitiful." "You do not know that things are rare is expensive, 20 cents a big bowl, but also cheap you."

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Camera actions

Son: "Dad, there is a customer who asks if the shirts we sell shrink?" Father: "Did the shirt he picked fit?" Son: "No, it's a little big." Father: "Then tell him that the shirt shrinks."

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The New Penn Hotel

"Why is this one called the New Penn Hotel? " "Because everyone who eats here is a first-timer." "Do you dare to be so sure?" "Dare, because people who have eaten here never come back!"

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Fixing a TV

In the TV repair department. "Sir, I beg your pardon, your television is too late to be repaired today." "What am I going to do tonight then?" "Give you two sleeping pills!"

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Modifications

Store owner: "This is the most popular style these days. If it doesn't suit you, feel free to modify it." Customer: "I'm sorry! Please revise the price list!"

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A little difference

There is a side store that always puts up a sign on weekends that reads: "Weekend inventory, stop business for a day." The surrounding residents are extremely dissatisfied with this. One day, the salesman put this piece of sign to the door a hang, then a few people a piece of chatting up the big day. At that moment, there was a loud knock on the door. The salesmen were furious, opened the door, to the door yelled: "Why, did not see the sign, today off!" "Closed?" The knockers were not to be outdone, "Look at the sign you put up." The salesman looked toward the sign and froze. Originally, I do not know who changed a punctuation on the sign, the bulletin became this: "Weekend inventory stop, open for the day."

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Two for the price of one

Customer: "This radio has been repaired twice. It's been repaired twice now, but it's still on the air." Repairman: "What's wrong with this, it's both music and recitation, two birds with one stone, you'll be the soundtrack to the prose!"

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Already identified

Customer: "How did your food spoiled?" Store owner: "How can it be? Epidemic prevention station has been identified. If you don't believe me, you can call and ask the station." Customer: "Hello, Epidemic Prevention Station? The meat at the Lilai Hotel smells, and they're still selling it." Epidemic prevention station: "We just identified yesterday, tasted in person, color, aroma, taste, probably you have a cold!

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The Meritocracy

A store recruited salesmen, the manager personally examined. Manager : "If a customer wants to buy 1 kilogram of snacks, how many grams should he be given?" Candidate: "945 grams." Manager: "Good answer, you are accepted."

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Finding a hair clipper

Customer: "I get a haircut and you charge me 5 dollars, I have almost no hair on my head ah! The charge is a lot of money." Barber: "Not much, not much, I charge you money not because of the hair cut, but because looking for hair to cut, spent a lot of my time ah!"

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Just the right amount of fire

Salesman: "Why did you move the cookware to the counter? counter?" Chef: "I think your fire is just right for stir-frying!"

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Evidence

Woman: "This shrimp, is it fresh? " Old man selling fish: "Fresh! Look, isn't it alive?" Woman: "But you're alive too!"

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Belongs to Meat

"8 kinds of foodstuffs price hike, how I go to the the shower went up in price too?" "You belong to meat."

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Freshest

Eater: "Why is this bowl of food full of mud ?" Waiter: "It's the freshest dish, just pulled out of the mud." ------------------ YOUTH Organize

1:Zhang Sanfeng taking medicine

Mr. Zhang Sanfeng suffered from a bad cold the day before yesterday, and after seeing the doctor, the doctor handed him a prescription for a good medicine:

"Please take this prescription with you. Take it once every morning for three days."

Mr. Zhang Sanfeng returned home and carefully cut the prescription into three.

Every morning he took one on time.

It was said that he felt much better today, only his stomach was a little upset.

2:Zhang Sanfeng chat room picking up MM clip

Zhang Sanfeng: MM, you're as pretty as a flower.

MM: Thank you.

Zhang Sanfeng: MM, you are as gentle as the moon.

MM: Thank you.

Zhang Sanfeng: MM, you are as pure as holy water.

MM: Thank you.

Zhang Sanfeng: MM, can you marry me?

MM: You are as nagging as my husband!

Zhang Sanfeng: #$^$%&%^*^&(&*)*(_#%%^^

3:The reason why Sanfeng was late

Sanfeng was late for work one day, and when the manager asked him why he was late, he said, "This morning when I was brushing my teeth, I got in a hurry and

squeezed out more than 40 meters of toothpaste. toothpaste out in a section more than 40 centimeters long, and when I slowly retracted it again, it took more than an hour!"

4: Sanfeng live

Mr. Sanfeng has long wanted to taste the taste of living in a big hotel, he saved up enough money, into the hotel to do the formalities, according to the waiter pointed out the route to the

Intervigoratedly to go.

But after a while, he turned around and got angry: "I don't want to stay, what kind of house is that? I'm not paying good money for a room with a big cupboard and a folding chair!"

The attendant smiled and said, "You're mistaken, sir. That's the elevator."

5:Sanfeng's First Internet Access

Mr. Sanfeng bought a computer, carried it home and set it up one by one according to the instructions for accessing the Internet, and then excitedly moused over to the Internet!

The password is wrong! The computer is not a good choice for the future, but it is a good choice for the future. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that, but I'm going to be able to do it," he said.

The service lady asks, "Did you put a P before you entered your username?"

Mr. Sanfeng then realized that there is such a rule,

When you want to surf the Internet, you have to fart before your name.

6:Mr. Zhang Sanfeng buys shoes

Mr. Zhang Sanfeng bought a new pair of shoes but didn't wear them. A week later I asked him, "Why don't you

wear those shoes yet?" "I can wear them tomorrow. The salesman told me when I bought the shoes that for the first

week the shoes would pinch a little."

Mr. Zhang Sanfeng plans to wear his new shoes into the chat room tomorrow to pick up MMs, hoping his shoes will fit.

7:Sanfeng Dating Encounter

Over the weekend Mr. Sanfeng asked MM out to dinner...

Mr. San Feng:What do you want to eat...

MM: Whatever...

San Feng: Then go eat steak...

MM:Not good... It's too fishy to eat that...

San Feng:Then go eat vegetarian food...

MM:No good... Eating that is too monotonous...

San Feng:Then eat meat dry rice good...

MM:Not good... Eating that is too unemotional...

San Feng: then go eat Japanese food...

MM:Not good... It's too expensive to eat that...

San Feng:Then go eat McDonald's good...

MM:No... It's too nutritious to eat that...

Later... San Feng could not stand it anymore... He asked loudly:

Otherwise, what do you want to eat?

Only to see MM a little embarrassed...

And a bit shyly said: "Whatever!!!"

8:Sanfeng cut the hard disk

Day 1:

Sanfeng: Dancing MM ah! My computer just Format well, help me with it!

Dance MM: You have a lot of space on your hard disk, well ...... it would be better to split it into two or three pieces, do you have any tools?

Sanfeng: Of Course I do!

Dance MM: I'm not available now, you do it yourself

The next day:

San Feng's computer desk is full of kitchen knives, fruit knives, watermelon knives ......

The hard disk is in shreds, the poor San Feng did it himself

9: Zhang San Feng borrowed a donkey

The hard disk is in shreds, the poor San Feng did it himself

San Feng borrowed a donkey

San Feng borrowed a donkey

Sanfeng's relatives in the countryside wanted to borrow a donkey from Sanfeng to pull a mill, so they asked someone to send Sanfeng a letter to borrow a donkey. Mr. Sanfeng was accompanying the guest and, fearing that the guest would know that he was illiterate, pretended to read the letter. As he read it, he nodded his head uncontrollably, and then looked up and said to the visitor, "I see, I'll just go myself in a little while."

10:Zhang Sanfeng Teaches His Son

Zhang Sanfeng had just come home from a bus ride with his little five-year-old son... "Mom" said his son to his mom, "When I was on the bus just now, my dad told me to get up and give my seat to a very beautiful aunt. Mom said, "Dad was right, it teaches you manners. Men should give up their seats for women." The son said, "But I'm sitting on Daddy's lap!"