What if the concept of parenting at home is inconsistent?

Everyone in the family grew up in different times and educational backgrounds, and everyone may have different interpretations and private logic about the same thing in daily life. It is normal that everything in parenting philosophy is inconsistent.

The biggest difference is that because it involves a life that can't make a decision for yourself for the time being, this life is very important to everyone in the family, so the disagreement of everyone's ideas is easy to be amplified. And it is particularly easy to rise to the power struggle between adults. It seems that as long as it is related to children, there needs to be a right or wrong, and only winning or losing can prove your concept is correct. Calm down and think about it, this is just one thing that makes us have different opinions. From this perspective, we consider how to deal with the inconsistency. Will it be more normal?

I want children to grow up healthily, and the road to parenting among family members is more harmonious. I have summarized the following three angles:

1, seek common ground while reserving differences, and do a good job of division of labor.

No matter how different the ideas of family members are, they all have something to recommend. Everyone can sit down and discuss each other's time and what they are good at, and divide the work of parenting. For example, my father is responsible for half an hour of math homework counseling after work every day (every week), and my mother is responsible for Chinese and English; Grandma is responsible for food logistics, mother is responsible for lifestyle guidance and so on. If family members have to take care of a child at the same time, this way can avoid conflicts to the maximum extent.

What I want to remind you here is that since the division of labor has been drawn, don't look at each other. There is a saying that you can do it, you come, hello, you go! So is parenting education. There are always parents who complain that the elderly don't take good care of their children, but we should think that the time and energy paid by the elderly can make parents work without worry. From this perspective alone, we should take a positive view of the behavior of the elderly. If we can't pay like each other, please shut your mouth and respect each other's work and pay.

2, avoid blame, family meeting. After reading the last suggestion, parents will say that they are bored. Of course not. What matters here is the way and timing of speaking. From a psychological point of view, people's instinctive reaction, if we start to accuse "what you are doing is wrong, what should you do?" Sometimes, the accused will take instinctive resistance, close the information receiving system, and start the confrontation and rebuttal mode at the same time. Such communication is invalid. Moreover, public criticism will not only help children's education, but also increase their anxiety.

You can hold family meetings regularly and explain your views at family meetings. The process of family gathering needs to start with the ceremony of thanking each member of the family, which can help establish a good communication atmosphere in the follow-up process and also allow everyone to take this opportunity to express their daily efforts. Moreover, from the perspective of speaking art, we should first affirm each other's efforts and good aspects, and then express different ideas and opinions, so that the other party can listen carefully and actively.

3, continuous learning, imperceptibly. This step is the most important for our parents. The child's upbringing determines his future personality growth, so we can't just rely on our own inherent ideas or rely entirely on the life experience of the previous generation. As parents, we need to constantly learn parenting knowledge and understand the characteristics of children's physical life at each stage, so as to better understand their behavior characteristics and help us reduce unnecessary anxiety. When we are less anxious, the way we treat our children is more rational, and their growth will gradually get better.

As other members of the family, when they see good results displayed, they are easily recognized and persuaded unconsciously. For example, the way of eating, if the mother takes a step-by-step approach, aiming at cultivating children to eat independently, guiding children to eat, not forcing children not to force them to feed hard, not chasing children to feed constantly, then children will know that eating is their own business at a certain age, and eating more and eating less will tell him that it is easy for them to grow physically and mentally. Raising children is by no means a few years ago. We keep learning and improving. When children show their good side, others will naturally be influenced and recognized.

The above angles are for your reference. When we spend time worrying about and changing others, it is better to take the simplest first step, that is, to clear our own thoughts and try to change from ourselves.

Parent-child lecturer in psychology, growing up with you. Wechat official account ID:qzjslh