Where are the humorous and funny jokes?

More in space o, haha.

1, once waiting for the public **** car, driving past a BMW, next to a tall man on his side, said: "Look, just past that is IBM."

2, a friend of mine in the Unicom internship, one day, an old man approached, splitting the face to the line " Give me a mobile card, okay?" Then my friend did not raise his head to say: "Master, someone to smash the scene!"

3, colleagues to see customers, may be nervous, a mouth is: "Mr. Liu Hello, may I ask your name ah?" I'm not sure if you're a good person, but I'm a good person.

4, the former geography teacher is a man, especially violent, who talk or distracted up is a punch, but not to hit the girls, there is a new girl does not know, thought that equality between men and women, once she was in class stealing to see the cartoon, was found by the geography teacher, walked in front of her to come, there is no indication that the female students first scared of the face white, shouting: molestation ah. We geography teacher waterfall sweat.

5, my classmates said: I set aside too much laundry detergent. Another asked: what? Your brother-in-law too much?

6, a windy day, the bike fell in a row, only to hear a student side of the car said: who's Mercedes crushed my BMW?

7, I used to call my boyfriend's dormitory, the result is not he picked up, a little embarrassed, made up a name, said: "XX in?" Want to pretend to find the wrong person on the end of the ~ ~ the other party hesitated for a moment, said: you wait ah, I call you to go. I was dizzy! I was so scared that I hung up the phone. Later asked his boyfriend, he said they across the dormitory a boy called me to make up that name.

8, last time in foreign countries, in the street to see a pastry sold handsome, my friends and I buy while saying that he is like Elvis Presley, he heard us talking about him, asked us what we said, I thought for half a day: "kingofmiaomiao (meow)."

9, dormitory girlfriend and netizens on the phone on the end of the obviously very excited: Hey, I'm Wang Xiaoliang, you guess who I am? Fainted sorry ......

10, from a friend to learn a phrase: send you ten words - have his mother how far, roll his mother how far. I remember the first time he said this to a group of us, I saw all the people below the trigger finger count is not ten words ......, more cattle is that I took this sentence to n friends said, basically more than 90% of them will hesitate for a moment, the mouth of the silent reading or fingertips slightly moving, and then a face of a smile and said, shit, but also really is a ten-word. Tried and true, huh?

(so cold ah, now is winter eh, harm ah ....)

One day, the eggplant was walking down the street and suddenly sneezed a big sneeze. It wiped its nose and said angrily, "Damn it! Someone's taking group photos again!"

There were 30 frogs in a pool, and only one was wearing pants. （Why? (Because he's a scrubber!)

There was a pig who walked and walked and walked to England, and what did he become? ----Pig.

In class, the teacher raises his hand to memorize a text, and the pig, dog and cat all raise their hands, so who does the teacher call?

Butterflies, ants, spiders, and centipedes work together, but which one doesn't get paid? --The centipede, because you don't get paid for what you don't do.

The elephant in the zoo has the longest trunk, but who has the second longest? --The baby elephant.

Which fruit has the worst eyesight? --Mango.

Which two fruits have cell phones? --The carrot, the green, the green, the green.

If there is a car, the driver is a prince and the passenger is a princess, whose car is it? --if's

Gold, wood, water, fire and earth, whose legs are long? ---- hams

Eye snake and elephant date, after exchanging pleasantries, said, "come on, and lead such a big head of pig, you're welcome."

I think that if only I had a little more of the quality of humility, I'd be a perfect person.

One day, Mung Bean broke up with his girlfriend. He was very sad, so he kept crying and crying and crying and crying ...... The result ...... The mung bean sprouted.


Two jellyfish collided with each other on the beach, jellyfish A: "What the hell! You're swimming without eyes! Jellyfish B: "What are eyes?" Jellyfish A: "I don't know, last time when I collided with someone, he scolded me." Jellyfish B: "Oh! That's right!"

In elementary school nature class, the teacher told us that if we hit our knees lightly, we would get a knee-jerk reflex. When I got home, I took a hammer to my dad's knee, and he stood up and kicked me. Turns out the teacher was right!

If one day I become a hooligan, please remember to tell me I was once innocent.

The first lie in life is from writing essays in elementary school, while the truth is from writing love letters

The Brothers Grimm were very prescient when they wrote "Snow White", in which the man who saved Snow White and lived happily ever after with her was named "Prince Charming". Nowadays, women want to find the Prince Charming in their hearts, why? Because Prince Charming is abbreviated to BMW, or Z-series.

A man was about to jump off a building when his wife shouted, "Don't be impulsive, dear, we still have a long way to go!" The man listens and jumps with a whoosh. The police said, "You really shouldn't have threatened him like that!"

The poop and the pee are good brothers, one day the poop crossed the road and got hit by a car and died, the pee said: I want to poop so much...

First think of a number in your head, multiply it by two, add five, then subtract the number you thought of initially, multiply it by eight, subtract five, then close your eyes and you can't see anything, right?

A man was walking and fell down, he got up and kept walking and fell down again. So he said; if I had known, I just did not get up

The rain fell on the river and the river got goose bumps

What cartoon character is the most devoted? Answer: Mermaid (because she doesn't cheat)

Small A says to Small B: dig .... It's raining outside too! Did you see it

Small B was excited:Yeah, I saw it. Did you

One day, the three little pigs built three huts to hide from the big bad wolf.

The Big Bad Wolf had no trouble destroying the straw hut, the wooden hut, and the brick hut. The Three Little Pigs ran as hard as they could, but the Big Bad Wolf still caught up with them.

The Three Little Pigs said in despair, "You do as you please. We give up, do what you want.

At this point, the Big Bad Wolf* laughed and drooled and said: So tell me where is Little Red Riding Hood?

The diver's move was so difficult that he did a spinning triple take a front flip three and a half weeks take a back flip for a month.

Which animal has the blackest teeth?

Lyrics of Guo Meimei's "Not Afraid of Fear":?ehehehehe (ants with black teeth)

New Year's Eve, I dreamed of you. Gave you a New Year's greeting:Good New Year! A sneeze woke me up from my dream, I know it's you who misses me, so I immediately call to you and say red packet to bring!

-New Year is here, think of nothing to give you, and do not intend to give you too much, only to give you 50 million: ten million happy! I'm not going to give you too much, but I'll give you 50 million: Happy! I'm not going to give you much, but I'm going to give you 50 million: Happy! I'm not going to give you much, but I'll give you 50 million: Happiness! Don't ever forget me

-Wish you a new year, busy with your work, win money by playing poker, increase your bankbook infinitely, fill your pockets with dollars, beautiful women in front of your bed, full of energy, and your lover is fierce and sweet.

-"Pig" you peace "pig" you happy "pig" you happy, "pig" you I'm happy, I'm happy, I'm happy, I'm happy, I'm happy, I'm happy, I'm happy, I'm happy, I'm happy.

-Heroes across the horse Yang long go, beautiful shepherds sheep loaded with blessings, wine is not drunk, color is not fascinating people from the fan, wish you a new year: go out to make money to the hand, online fishing fish hooks, meals abalone fins to enjoy endless, every day, beautiful girls soak not finished!

-Happy New Year, I wish you: good health, all the best, happy family, happy life, successful career, full of jewelry, more life, more rich, rich and powerful, invincible, invincible!

-As the saying goes: a year's plan is in the spring. Tell you a new year to get rich secrets: regardless of the old chicken tender chicken, grasp the first opportunity; tube it ram ewe, hand in hand.

-Click the whole winter to see your face; copy your enthusiasm pasted in my heart; download your breath to save it for ever; delete all the gray viruses, to meet the brilliant New Year, the old and the new Spring Festival good!

-The new year is coming, may you receive gifts and red envelopes every day, win money at cards like a mountain, newcomers love you like beanbags, set off firecrackers all over the street, greet everyone you catch, and play mahjong without fear of the police knowing! The best of all worlds, I'm sure, is the fact that I've been there!

-New Year's Eve, I wish you to be: leisurely rat, vigorous ox, mighty tiger, obedient rabbit, noble dragon, auspicious snake, thousand miles of horse, docile sheep, clever monkey, diligent chicken, loyal dog, happy pig!

-A catty of melon seeds and two catty of jujube, I wish you good luck to come early; a catty of candy and two catty of banana, I wish you good luck will not run; a catty of peanuts and two catty of peaches, I wish you money rolling into the waistband!

-New Year's Eve, send four dishes and a soup: braised happy, steamed friendship, stir-fried wealth, boiled health, every day happy soup, and a bottle of Lanling aged good luck wine, and then send a bowl of forever worry-free rice, Happy New Year.

-It's New Year's Eve, and I've got a couplet for you! Upper couplet: for you to suffer, for you to be tired, for you to drop tears. Bottom line: for you to be obsessed, for you to be crazy, for you to be framed to hit the wall. The banner: Relationship Gang Gang. Wish you good luck in the New Year!

-The New Year is coming, for the sake of the earth's environment and resources, please reduce the purchase of traditional paper greeting cards, you can fill in the greeting on the large-denomination RMB with a pencil and send it to me! Thank you for your support for environmental protection! I wish you happiness and joy!

- Great Luck for the New Year! I wish you popularity beyond the Virgin Mary, wealth dare to be the mother of Bill Gates, heroic than Saddam, handsome to catch up with Beckham, international superman is you!

-When I have money, I'll flush your toilet with Remy Martin, light your cigarettes with U.S. currency, give you a bubble bath with 999 roses, pick you up and drop you off at work with a Boeing airplane, and make you a maid with Pearl River Delta! Happy New Year!

-No matter how watery the sea is, how great the mountains are, how many legs the spiders have, how hot the chili peppers are, or how ghostly La D is, or how tiring the US is, you're the most beautiful in Chinese New Year! Happy Chinese New Year!

-There are two main purposes of this text message: one is to exercise the fingering, and the other is to contact feelings, I am very responsible to tell you that today is New Year's Eve, and the new year is coming soon, send a technical word: Happy Chinese New Year!

- Four fortunate things: New Year's Eve booked to the New Year's Eve dinner, go out to stop to the cab, string door to get the New Year's Eve money, the first day of the holiday to fifteen; I wish you a positive wealth, partial wealth, horizontal wealth, the source of wealth; affection, friendship, personal love, love as you wish!

-Because of the consideration that in a few days there will be a flood of blessing text messages clogging the network, the ideal and visionary and wisdom of the world's unrivaled universe of super-unbeatable genius in advance to wish: Gudekudekudekudekudekudekudekudekudekudekudekudekudekudekudekudekudekudekudekudekudekudekudekudekudekudekudekudekudekudekudekudekudekudekudekudekudekudekudekudekudekudekudeku!

-New Year's Eve is here, do you miss me? If you want me to press, press again, you want me that much? I said I want me to press. I'll press it again! I didn't realize you thought of me like that, so touched! Press it again! I was in tears.

- I asked Trouble, it doesn't love you at all, and said that it will ignore you forever, and asked me to tell you not to make a fool of yourself! Also, Health asked me to bring you a love letter: it's had a crush on you for a long time, and it will remain so for the rest of its life! Happy New Year! I bought two pounds of fashion at the specialty store, purchased three pounds of romance from the supermarket, made eight pounds of homemade happiness, and cut a ton of care from my heart to make a big gift for you in the Year of the Ox!

1. The teacher asked us to use the word "really" to make a sentence, my desk wrote: I did not take a bath for three months, the body really stinks.

2. An article about the teacher's appearance. The teacher has a melon face", but I wrote "the teacher has a claw face". Our language teacher almost went crazy.

4. The 100-meter race finally began, and the students ran out like a wild dog out of control.

5. One by one, the uncles of the People's Liberation Army crept forward, like a green green worm wriggling on the ground.

6. "I'm in the classroom due to illness ......" "My brother has a newly shaved head, like a little bald donkey in the Shaolin Temple ...... "

9. When I was in elementary school, it was very customary to write about good people in essays at that time. So there were always people writing about picking up money. So someone, in order to exaggerate their own merits, write in the park found 100 million yuan, all 10 yuan RMB, the thickness of a language book (fourth grade) so thick, the teacher read it out on the spot, that classmate is estimated to be a giant chill.

10. The old lady took out four 500 yuan RMB.

11. "I have a classmate, he is not tall or short, in more than 1 meter 76, 1 meter 78 or less ......" even junior high school classmate's work ......

< p>13. Elementary school teachers out of the semi-proposition essay: "my xxx" casually write people write things, the results of my classmates essay topic: my comrade Qiu Shao Yun.

17. Do you remember the "Tadpole looking for his mother" in elementary school? At that time, the teacher asked us to imitate this to write a composition about **** ...... a student is written: my mother's snow-white belly, bulging eyes ......

18. Previously peeped a girl essay, the most cold: If I later when the nurse, I will treat the patient like a lover. nurse, I will treat patients like lovers.

19. A sister's young nephew, with "brand-new" sentence, "a brand-new plant was born"...... (Zhao Benshan's credit)!

21. This student wrote: "Guoqiang (a male classmate of mine) sat on a stool with a big butt like a pumpkin in the ground, with a large portion of his underwear showing underneath his clothes." The teacher read it out in class and said that it was a vivid description, and that the student was beaten by the classmate after class. ......

22. In third grade, there was a time when other teachers were substituting. The first time I was in the third grade, I was asked to write a "corner of my home". So we wrote: A corner of my house is beautiful, round and bright, a toilet.

23．The tadpoles in the pond were sunbathing on a night when you couldn't see anything!

25. Famous lines from classmates: geese miemie (bleat) past in the sky; the round moon is like a curved bow.

27．When I was in elementary school, I heard people say that a wild donkey was the fastest runner, so I compared one of my classmates to a man who ran faster than a wild donkey. Later, the teacher said I should not write that way, I still wonder why not ah ......

28. I walked into a department store, ah, it seems that the standard of living of the people did improve, look at that farmer boss, left hand a refrigerator, right hand a TV, a small run.

29. The content of my classmate is probably: one time I was sick, he tutored me rain or shine. It was pouring rain and thunder that day, and I thought he wasn't coming, but he came in the rain ...... The next day he died of a high fever, and I will always miss this good friend.

30. There is a reading question on the elementary school language examination paper to the effect that a mother suffered for her child and finally died. After reading, the students were asked to say a few words to their mothers on the Qingming Festival a year later. An elementary school student wrote: "I wish my mom a happy Ching Ming Festival, blessed as the East Sea, longevity than South Mountain!" .

1 coworkers asked me: Clinton's wife is Chirac?

2 Once I borrowed money from someone, I was going to say "when I withdraw the money to return you"

said "when I have the money to take you"

Sweat

3 classmate called Yu Jingbo, a day to write, the dormitory Doorman at the door of the dormitory shouted: dry cold skin, dry cold skin letter!

4 Our language teacher: please turn the book to 120 dollars

The whole class is dizzy, after the teacher was nicknamed "financial fan" Oh

5 Once a friend at home to watch the DVD, the CD-ROM quality is not good. The friend said: "How so many Marx ah." It took a long time to realize that he was talking about Masek!

6 A buddy got married and gave him a red envelope. Buddy politely said no

I said: that's not good, once a year, you must take.

7 junior high school role-playing reading "White-haired Girl"

A boy (Yang Bailao): pulled two pounds of red head rope, give me Xi'er tied up ......

Teacher: and not wrapped mummy ...

8 偶打饭的时候，执执执的指指着菜花 said: come a portion of potatoes.

The mom asked: cauliflower?

The woman asked again: Is it potatoes or cauliflower?

It's not a potato... Uh, cauliflower?

What's more depressing is that the owner of the store actually understood ......

10 In college, there was a girl named Liu Yun in our class. Once, a student from another class sent her a letter. On the envelope of her "Yun" word in the lower part of the "cloud" above a cross, because the writing is too scribbled, cross into a point. As a result, the student took the letter and called out in our hallway, "Liu Mang, who is called Liu Mang, there is a letter for you." All the people in the building came out to see Liu Mang. As a result, the girl called Liu Yun was helplessly called a hooligan for four years.

11 There was a time when the house was haunted by rats, and my mom bought rat medicine to maintain family peace, but a rat was not drugged down. One day early in the morning, my mom got up and looked at the door in the nook of the rat medicine, muttering to herself, "This medicine how no one ate ah? ~~~The whole family fainted.

12 English teacher to teach grammar, before the end of the class asked everyone: "I have finished, everyone still understand it?" We answered in unison: "No more!"

13 Raise your glass to invite the moon, lower your head to think of your hometown.

14 Once in the heat of the day to play mahjong, a sudden blackout, had to buy a candle to continue to fight. After half an hour, it is too hot to bear, a person said: "or open the electric fan, hot." Another person interface: "can not open, open the candle will be blown out."

15 As the saying goes: kill and set fire to a man, and pay his debts.

16 The teacher in physics class talked about radioactive elements and said: radioactive elements are dangerous, you humans must stay away from it!

17 Eat grapes on the spit grape skin

18 In the company received a phone call, is a clothing company marketing, and kept saying that to a certain large companies have done uniform clothing and so on. I caught the other side of the speech gap, mouth: "Our company uniform is not dressed!"

The other party said quietly for a few seconds, "I'm sorry" and hung up.

19 Our university teacher: I want to find a man and a woman three students ......

The class began to look around, looking for Li Yuchun.

20 Evening self-study back to the dormitory, the road met a sky fairy mm, so tailed

have been trying to accost, but have no courage to go forward, until the sky fairy mm is about to walk into the girls' building

Teeth clenched, stride forward, and loudly asked the mm: students, may I ask you are a woman?

Later ...... later I enjoyed the Tian Xian mm two years of blank stares

21 Deng Theory class, the teacher impassioned surging: how many heroes and children, entangled in the underground ......

22 The graduation work of the students is to use the big The student's graduation work was made of a large red cloth in the shape of a phoenix sewn onto a black robe-like garment.

The teacher at the defense asked why the phoenix should be red and not another color?

The student was so excited that he blurted out: because the phoenix burns with fire! (presumably to say the fire reborn). 3 seconds later, to see the defense of the students laughed wildly, I laughed at the stomach twisted!

23 Junior high school teacher called the memorization of Mulan resignation (the teacher is more BT), nervous

... A brother heard sister to come, sharpening the knife to father and mother (pig and sheep) .......

The whole class laughed out loud, and I also laughed at myself, but I forgot all about it, so I'm glad the teacher didn't penalize me!

24 Help LP buy WSJ, the results to the store look half a day do not know what to buy, so just take a packet and ask the owner: "Boss, this is good to use?" The owner (a man) looked at me blankly for 5 seconds and said, "I haven't used this one either!"