How do people with dependent personality break through their dependent psychology?

First, people who rely on personality are fragile and sensitive. They are attached to a person, maybe their parents, maybe their husbands or wives, maybe a good friend or mentor ... They lack opinions, do what they are told, dare not offend others, dare not please others, and are always afraid of being abandoned and neglected. People who rely on personality are prone to "illness". Psychologically speaking, hypochondriasis means that they always feel sick when they go to the hospital, and they can't find anything wrong ... and so on. Therefore, to break through the dependence psychology, they must have their own ideas and the ability to think independently. As the dependent, they should not always make decisions for the dependent, but learn to make their own decisions. Seeing through "illness" is a means for dependent people to get care. Don't fall for the "plan" of Ta, make Ta more dependent, but learn to take care of yourself.

Second, people who rely on personality put their happiness in the hands of others. Once the dependent is not good enough for Ta, they will be very afraid and angry, but they are afraid of offending the dependent, so they will suppress these emotions and easily lead to depression. Therefore, if we want to break through the dependence psychology, we must let the dependent have the courage to express their anger, express their repressed emotions, discover their psychological energy and experience their own strength, and then they will change and become more independent.

Third, the dependent person may be extravagant in real life, but he is a "beggar" in mentality, with low self-esteem and lack of self-esteem. This enables the dependent to learn the ability to love themselves and others. For example, if a boy has low self-esteem and is slow to fall in love, but he likes this girl but has no courage to express it, then he must be encouraged to help him boldly pursue love, stimulate his pent-up love energy, recover his self-esteem, eliminate his inferiority complex and enhance his self-confidence.

Fourth, people with dependent personality are afraid of danger, avoid responsibility, are unwilling to work hard and rely on others, which becomes a burden to others and even suffocating. The dependent should help the dependent break through the dependence psychology, let Ta develop its own internal resources, and learn to be responsible for their own life emotions. Tell Ta gently and firmly: "nothing in this world can be relied on forever, only yourself is your own dependence." "

People who rely on personality have incomplete hearts, are prone to alcoholism and internet addiction. Loss of self, no self, and so on; Some students can't finish their studies and work for a long time, and they can't always find a suitable job. The relationship between husband and wife is unequal, and there will be psychological imbalance, and the other party will feel tired. So seriously, I suggest seeing a counselor. eight

Psychological explanation of dependence behavior

From the psychological point of view, this excessive dependence on others shows the characteristics of partial dependence personality disorder. We are here to discuss today, not to label them, but to share with you and popularize their behavior characteristics. The specific diagnostic criteria will be strictly defined in the American Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (hereinafter referred to as DSM). Please vary from person to person, and don't sit in the right place.

According to DSM, dependent personality disorder is a submissive and dependent behavior in early adulthood due to excessive need for other people's care. Such people often show fear of separation. In order to make a diagnosis, patients need to meet the following five (or more) behavioral standards:

1) Without too much advice and confirmation from others, it is difficult for you to make decisions in your daily life;

2) Need others to be responsible for all aspects of their lives;

3) Fear of losing support and recognition makes it difficult to express opposition to others.

4) It is difficult to start a project or finish a thing independently (often because of lack of self-confidence, not lack of motivation or energy);

5) In order to get others' care and support, please others so much that you do something that makes you unhappy for free.

6) Because I am worried that I will not take care of myself, I often feel unhappy or helpless when I am alone.

7) When an intimate relationship ends, I am eager to find another new relationship to get care and support.

8) Unrealistically indulge in the fear of being abandoned by others and have to take care of themselves.

Studies have shown that patients themselves will be troubled by this kind of dependence behavior, which includes both psychological and physical aspects. They will feel the pressure brought by their actions, often show emotional confusion, become negative or aggressive to others, and become powerless and anxious because they can't make life choices.

Seligman, a psychologist, added that these negative expectations may also generate other negative expectations of incompetence or unwillingness to take action, including inferiority, long-term failure, sadness and physical illness.

Reasons for dependent behavior:

So far, the specific reasons of dependence have not been fully explored, because people with dependent behavior characteristics often maintain a stable life under the influence of dependent objects, so they will not actively seek psychological or spiritual help. For example, a mother will get a job arranged by her mother because she listens to her instructions, a house bought by her mother, a marriage partner arranged by her mother and so on. Employment, economic pressure, marriage, which will cause real mental stress in life, have been diluted by dependence on mother.

According to the existing research, the reasons of dependence behavior are as follows:

Dependence behavior may be a kind of "learned helplessness" formed in family of origin.

"learned helplessness" is a psychological concept put forward by seligman. It can be explained as a sense of helplessness "learned after experiencing something". People in learned helplessness will show a negative attitude of escaping from the world when they have obvious ability to change.

Dependence behavior is often such a "learned helplessness". In other words, people will think that they can't control or have the ability to handle this matter because of the excessive intervention of others or making decisions directly on behalf of others; Then if you encounter similar situations in the future, even if you have the ability to complete them, you will naturally have a negative attitude and do nothing.

For example, Han Meimei, who just finished her first grade homework, carefully tidied up her schoolbag, and then her mother rearranged it more neatly, muttering, "I can't do this well, let me help you clean it up." Han Meimei's mother tidied up her schoolbag and verbally denied her, which made Han Meimei think that she could not finish tidying up her schoolbag, thus resulting in a negative thinking mode that she would not tidy up her schoolbag herself in the future and needed her mother's help.

Some scholars have suggested that authoritative or overprotective parenting will lead children to develop some characteristics of dependent personality. Such families generally have a strong desire to control their children and do not encourage their independence or emotional expression; Parents make too many arrangements for their children's daily life. Parents decide whether to eat fried dumplings or radish cakes, study liberal arts or science, get married quietly or clearly, so that children get used to it, learn that others need to make their own decisions in life, and think that they are incapable of making decisions and making judgments is incorrect.

The influence of social factors and cultural factors:

China has implemented the one-child policy since the 1980s. With the slogan of "one child is put on the ring, and the second child is sterilized", most families have welcomed their unique baby. Due to policy restrictions, families will inevitably put all their expectations and eyes on the only child at home. Parents make personalized growth plans and ask their children to "climb up step by step and fly forward on the highest leaves" along their own routes according to their own expectations. Excessive intervention in children's lives, create children's lives, let children adapt to a life without opinions and responsibilities, and naturally develop the habit of dependence.

Some scholars believe that Confucian culture also has a certain influence on the formation of dependence behavior. In the Confucian cultural circle, due to the influence of Confucian traditional filial piety, children are required to respect and obey their parents unconditionally, so before making any life choices, they need to seek their parents' opinions and even get their parents' approval. Although children may not agree with their parents' opinions, they can only compromise their own needs and passively accept them because of the requirements of filial piety culture. Therefore, the behavioral characteristics of dependence should be placed in a specific social and cultural background to get a more comprehensive understanding.

3. What should I do in the face of dependence?

Maybe there is such a "baby" around you, or you are the "baby" mentioned in this article.

As a friend, you may want to help TA, make it independent, independent, out of the control of parents, become a responsible person, become a CEO, marry Bai, and then embark on the peak of life, but you are always defeated by cognition such as "hating iron and not turning into steel" and "A Dou with no choice".

As a baby, why have you never uttered such a sigh as "the baby is suffering"? Maybe you were forced to accept the arrangement of your parents when you were born. You want to change the status quo, but you are caught in a dilemma by various realities. This is understandable.

Therefore, in the face of dependence, we first need "empathy".

People who care about "baby" and "baby" have their own positions. If both sides can put themselves in the other's shoes-let the "baby" feel the goodwill that friends need to help them become better, let friends realize the plight of the "baby", and don't criticize and anger this dependence behavior too much, it may make the "baby" have a more reasonable attitude towards dependence behavior.

Secondly, in order to overcome the dependent behavior, the "baby" must want to change.

Dr. Christopher pointed out that people with dependence traits "babies" usually don't take the initiative to seek help to change their behavior dependence traits; Because only when they encounter problems in their lives will they turn around and think about the behaviors and thinking patterns related to these characteristics; Paradoxically, such people, as mentioned above, virtually solve the problems that will really bring trouble in life because of the excessive intervention of others in their own lives. Therefore, in psychological practice, there are few cases in which dependent personality actively seeks help.

According to Dr. Christopher's summary, effective psychotherapy methods for dependent behavior include:

1. Psychological consultation

One-to-one personalized psychological counseling ensures the privacy of the personal information of the case owner to the maximum extent, which is a treatment method to overcome dependence. The main goal of consultation is to help customers become more active and independent, and learn to establish healthy relationships with others. Visitors can try to play a more active role in decision-making and social skills under the set goals to reduce the dependence of the case owner on others. It is suggested that the number of consultations should be set before the start of the consultation relationship, so as to provide the clients with short-term treatment plans and avoid the clients' new passive dependence on the consultants.

2. Interpersonal therapy

Interpersonal therapy is also considered to be effective because people who rely on traits usually walk into the counseling room with interpersonal problems. Psychological counselors will help clients explore their long-term interaction patterns with others, and take this as a starting point to understand the reasons for the formation of dependence traits. The goal of this treatment method is to let the clients see the price they pay for their dependent behavior and help them cultivate a healthier interpersonal communication model. Skills such as determination training and learning to confirm one's feelings are often used to improve interpersonal behavior.

3. Group therapy

When customers have a strong motivation to change, then a more interactive consulting group will help improve their dependence behavior. If the parties have some shortcomings in decision-making, decision-making or negotiation, I believe a supportive "decision-making" group is more appropriate.

To break through the self-reliant personality, we should not only rely on ourselves, but also find someone who feels hot and cold for themselves. We should also have a breakthrough plan. I think so: find a person who is hot and cold to himself and play with this person for the first time. People who are hot and cold to you definitely don't want you to follow him every day, and they will definitely find a suitable opportunity to get rid of you. This is your chance. You should learn to leave. Then one day this person comes to play with you again. You can play with him and then stop playing with you. From then on, after this thing faded, it became a habit to see the world of mortals clearly, knowing that not everyone can accompany you to the end, and no one can't live without anyone. As long as you start to feel this way, maybe in the near future, you will gradually fade away from dependence and know that you have to rely on yourself, and you will understand.

Belonging to dependent personality, it needs perseverance to break through, and it is best to have a strong willingness to change.

Dependence caused by temporary events can be solved by general psychological counseling, that is, regardless, consciousness will repair itself.

The brain has its own rules. From primary school, personality habits are what they are, and logical consciousness will cater to the experience of the brain. The process of human growth is actually the process of brain self-discipline.

Changing the formed thinking consciousness is tantamount to making earth-shaking changes in the past and reshaping personality. So not everyone can do it, and we can consider it from the following aspects:

First, the will to change is very clear and strong, and the perseverance is very strong.

Second, make it clear which concepts, logics, consciousness, practices and behavioral languages are to be changed, and list them all.

Third, be clear about what you want to change and list it in detail.

Fourth, all the behaviors listed in article 2 in daily life should be changed to correct, form rules and punish themselves.

Fifth, carefully read the contents listed in the third list and repeat them every day.

Sixth, always believe in yourself, believe in your choice, and stick to it for three months or even longer.

Finally, you can break through and realize your new independent self.

People must rely on adults to grow up from birth, so everyone has the psychology of dependence, but it is different after adulthood. Some are more dependent, some are more independent, and some show more concern for others, which is the so-called warm man.

Break through your dependence and get yourself through first. First of all, you should know that others can't rely on you for a lifetime. I have a wife, children and elderly parents to take care of when I grow up. As long as you have a little sense of responsibility, you should naturally be responsible.

If you still can't find a sense of responsibility, it means that your parents are still in charge, and your wife or husband is still indulging his own behavior and needs spiritual and material weaning. Continue to indulge his behavior = hurt him/her.

Relying on everyone will lead to relying on one person's care, warmth and concern, but one day you will feel that the sky is falling and you are living in pain.

No matter what happens in life, don't rely too much on one's independence. Independent personality charm is beautiful and can help the other person appreciate it, but don't be too addicted to dependence.

You can try to change your thinking habits. For example, you used to want to find someone else whenever something happened. Now you can try to solve it yourself. Start with small things, gradually find pleasure in dealing with things and build self-confidence.

No matter what personality, as long as you can recognize your own problems and make up your mind to change, I think you can break through!

According to my own experience, being loved helps a lot.