After the accident of the son, I realized that "the pits on the road of the child's life are all dug by the parents".

Article / Insight muye anchor / small building

Source / Insight (ID: J00123987)

First of all, to tell a side of the true story.

My neighbors are a couple who have been married for ten years and are having a hard time having children.

Perhaps because the child is not easy to come by, the family pampered him extraordinarily.

The most impressive thing is that one year, the neighbor brought his child to my house for a visit in the Spring Festival.

The little boy was sitting in the arms of the neighbor's aunt, holding a cell phone in his hand and concentrating on the game, and when he wanted to eat something, the aunt would pick it up and feed it to his mouth.

If he finds the food unappetizing, he yells, "It's awful."

Then he spits it right out onto the floor, and the neighbor aunt immediately gets a tissue to pick it up, and doesn't blame the child.

At that time, he was already 8 years old and in second grade.

In his own home, he was like a little emperor, the whole family surrounded him.

If anyone dares to reject him or move slowly, he raises his arms and glares, "I'll beat you to death."

When children say such things, parents usually guide and educate their children, but the neighbor's family never took it seriously, and just kept providing for their little emperor in this way.

Such a pampered child, life self-care ability is naturally very poor, so much so that he went to high school, the first time to live in the school, do not know how to beat the water, and do not know how to wash clothes.

Helplessly, the neighbors had to rent a room near the school to accompany the students.

After graduating from high school, he went to a college, and after graduating from college, he was idle and did not go out to work, so he stayed at home and chewed the old man.

Later, the neighbor's aunt got cancer and spent almost all of her savings on medical treatment.

The family can't afford to let him worry about his old age, so the boy is forced to go out to work.

When he came to the society, he met some people who were as unprofessional and lazy as he was, and he worked for less than a year, and then he had an accident.

Late one night, he and a few of his friends to play cab, see the driver in the hands of a lot of cash, a few people a moment of mischief, hands stabbed the driver, robbed the money to escape.

Of course, they were caught later.

I think of a quote from Rousseau:

"Do you know the way in which you can certainly make your child unfortunate? That is to be obedient to him."

A few days ago, "Brother Coat" Zhu Zhiwen was thrust into the limelight again.

This time, however, it wasn't because of his story with the village, but his son, Zhu Xiaowei.

Zhu Xiaowei's wife, Chen Yanan, revealed on air that she and Zhu Xiaowei had "temporarily separated".

The two only got married last year, so why the problems so soon?

The reason is that Zhu Xiaowei has not been working, and after marrying Chen Yanan, the two began to live broadcast with goods.

But Zhu Xiaowei has never been on the ball.

There is no presence in the live broadcast, the whole face is expressionless.

Even once, a simple line, he practiced at home for a day, in the live broadcast process still read wrong.

Chen Yanan asked him to learn some of the skills to carry goods, but he turned a deaf ear. Even when Chen Yanan's parents stepped in, Zhu Xiaowei remained unmoved.

Zhu had no choice but to bring his son home to educate him.

It is reasonable to say that Zhu Zhiwen is not bad, but also has the resources, Zhu Xiaowei's life could have gone smoothly, how would it be to the age of 20 years old is still completely a waste of time, even his wife can hardly tolerate it?

In fact, the reason why Zhu Xiaowei is today, early ambush.

Everything has to start after Zhu Zhiwen became famous.

After Zhu Zhiwen became famous and earned money, Zhu Xiaowei developed the idea of anorexia:

"School is annoying, don't want to go on."

Zhu Xiaowei's grades at school were in the toilet, only 15 or 20 points per exam.

Zhu Zhiwen took money to coax him to go to school.

But once he got the money, Zhu Xiaowei went to play games.

Later, Zhu Zhiwen hired two tutors, but they were both pissed off by Zhu Xiaowei.

So Zhu Xiaowei dropped out of school when he was 14.

After dropping out of school, Zhu Zhiwen didn't think to send his son out to learn a skill, so that he could support his family in the future.

Zhu Xiaowei stayed at home every day, either playing games or watching TV.

When it comes to meals, Zhu Xiaowei does not eat, Zhu Zhiwen and his wife will take some snacks for him to eat.

In other words, the child is not studying, addicted to the network all day, the family must be anxious crazy.

But Zhu Zhiwen seems to be very calm, said in an interview:

"Let him at home farming can also find a reasonable daughter-in-law, live through this life on the line."

He found what seemed like a very reasonable excuse for his son's degradation.

Anyway, he didn't expect him to go to a prestigious university and become an educated person, as long as he could farm at home.

Precisely because Zhu Zhiwen has been giving him a bottom, Zhu Xiaowei knows that even if he doesn't go to school, work, or try hard, he can still get by.

The poet Yu Ge once said:

"You can give your child everything, except for the experience of life, happiness, anger, sadness, success and frustration, you can not give your child."

A focus on materially enriching the child and indulging without a bottom line will only end up raising a giant baby.

Whether it's the story of the neighbor's family above or Zhu Xiaowei's story, in the end you will find:

The pits on the way of a child's life are actually dug by the parents.

The frustrations and difficulties that a child needs to go through in the process of growing up, the parents have taken on for the child.

As a result, the path you take for your child will eventually become the deep pit that your child falls into.

There's a saying that goes, "A child is a child, and a spoiled child is a spoiled child."

Spoiled, is a knife hanging over the child's head.

And the real visionary parents are a bit desperate.

Dong Mingzhu, a strong woman we are familiar with, is a desperate and visionary mother.

I'll talk about two small details, perhaps you'll understand after reading this.

One is the son from elementary school to university, Dong Mingzhu never used the car to transport him.

Once, Dong Mingzhu from work passed by her son's school, saw her son waiting at the bus stop, she went straight home.

After more than half an hour at home, her son came back on the bus with his backpack.

The other is that when her son was 11 years old, Dong sent him to a boarding school, so that he could get used to being separated from his family as early as possible and develop the ability to live independently.

She felt that this would develop her son's strong and self-reliant habits and character.

She also didn't let her son's wealth give him a sense of superiority over others.

She was always trying to avoid the inertia of getting something for nothing, not giving her son what he wanted, but getting him what he wanted by his own efforts.

If you want your child to be good in the future, then don't be kind, but be a desperate parent.

Actress Yuan Quan was selected at the age of 11 by the China Academy of Drama to leave her parents and go to Beijing alone to study.

When she arrived at the school, she often wrote letters to her parents about the difficulties she encountered in life, her bad moods, and would even say negative things.

It was clear that she was having trouble adapting to life on her own, and she was trying to provoke sympathy from her parents in this way.

But Yuan Quan's parents didn't compromise. They didn't let their daughter drop out of school and go home because they were heartbroken, but wrote back to her, telling her that:

"Being a parent understands you, and is heartbroken. Remember, do not be discouraged in the face of setbacks, keep a good mood, cheer up."

The cruelty of her parents finally accomplished her, and Yuan Quan became a very outstanding actress after graduation, and also got three of the most authoritative awards in the drama world - Plum Blossom Prize, Academy Award, and Golden Lion Award.

As the saying goes, "When parents love their children, they plan far and wide for them."

This kind of love is not controlling, not replacing, but letting go.

The only way to raise a successful child is to let go and let the child grow up on his own.

The independence of character and soul is the greatest strength for a child to walk in the world.

Before that, I read a timeline of a child's development:

There is a saying:

"Parents' influence on their children is subtle, and by the time we realize it, that influence has already penetrated into the bone marrow."

Parents who have the foresight to nurture their children's independence start when they are young.

A father in Shaoxing, Zhejiang, let his 6-year-old daughter go shopping for breakfast on her own in order to exercise his child.

The father, who couldn't rest assured, has been quietly following his daughter, silently guarding her throughout.

In the end, the little girl successfully bought breakfast, and returned home under the watchful eye of her father.

In Tongchuan, Shaanxi Province, a little girl jumped to school, and met acquaintances on the way to show that this is the first time he went to school alone, without his mother to accompany him.

What the girl didn't know was that her mom was right behind her.

Looking at her daughter's bravery, the mom behind her choked up a few times.

In Guiyang, Guizhou, a 9-year-old boy, holding a green thermos box, stood in the hot sun selling popsicles, hot and sweaty.

His parents don't expect him to make much money, they just want him to realize how hard it is to make money.

Mo Yan said a thought-provoking sentence:

"Excellent children are mostly the result of quality education, and problematic children are mostly the product of problematic families."

In this world, any good child is not a miracle out of nowhere, but a traceable cause and effect.

Its cause, in the family.

It's rooted in the parents.

A child's life is ultimately his own.

The best legacy for parents to leave to their children is not a house or a car, but the ability to educate their children and let them have a good life.

The People's Daily once published an article saying that educating children is the most important cause of a parent's life.

On the road to educating children, all the unprincipled favoritism of parents, no bottom line favoritism, no reason to indulge are pushing the children to the abyss.

There are some things that children must eat; there are some things that children must do on their own.

Give your child a little "inconvenience" to develop his problem-solving ability; give your child a little "inconvenience" to develop his ability to resist adversity; give your child a little "inconvenience" to develop his ability to resist adversity; give your child a little "inconvenience" to develop his ability to resist adversity. I hope you will raise a child who is independent and responsible, instead of digging too many pits for the child to grow up with.