Funny Sketch Script for Two

B: Lighten up, lighten up. Don't be so loud.

A: What's wrong?

B: (looking around) I'm afraid of being discovered by my acquaintances.

A: Why?

B: I'm looking for a place to move.

A: Oh, you're buying a new house. Then I congratulate you.

B: Don't say congratulations.

A: Why?

B: I'm not going to lie, I've been congratulated several times recently. I've been congratulated several times lately, and I've been shivering. When I shiver, I have to move.

A: What kind of logic is that.

B: I want to ask you about someone you know.

A: Who?

B: The Monkey King.

A: Monkey King?

B: Are you familiar with it?

A: Not familiar.

B: Who is familiar?

A: No one is familiar. That's a mythological character.

B: Come on man, who knows him well. I have something to ask him.

A: What is it?

B: I want to ask him to move my family to the Dragon Palace in the East China Sea through the back door.

A: Dragon Palace?

B: If the Dragon Palace is tight, the Southern Heavenly Gate will do.

A: South Heavenly Gate?

B: There is really no place, live on the moon is also no problem, as long as you can help me to do this, I will give him 10,000 yuan favor fee.

A: What a mess. Are you sick in the head or something?

B: Not all are forced.

A: Who forced you into this?

B: There were too many people.

A: Why?

B: Can't say.

A: You can't say. I think you're out of your mind. Who would have nothing better to do than to drive you crazy.

B: You don't believe me even if I tell you.

A: Then you say it, so that everyone can hear it, and also help you to come up with ideas and comments.

B: Just here?

A: Of course.

B: (looking around, and then at the stage) This ground can say?

A: What are you looking for?

B: I'm checking to see if I know anyone on stage.

A: Don't worry, there are only my acquaintances on the stage, not yours. I'm not sure if you're a good person, but I'm a good person.

B: What do I say?

A: Say it.

B: Lottery know?

A: Who does not know ah. I also often buy.

B: I bought one not long ago.

A: Which one?

B: The traditional sports lottery.

A: It's just seven random numbers from 0 to 9.

B: That's good.

A: Seven numbers in the right order is the grand prize.

B: Yes.

A: What numbers did you buy?

B: 1313766.

A: Just one number?

B: It was a coincidence that day. I just five dollars. I had three dollars for breakfast and two dollars for the number. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that.

A: And you won? （

B: I won.

A: How many prizes? (trembling)

B: Sorry. Special prize.

A: Five million dollars? (Shudder)

B: After paying personal income tax, there is still four million.

A: (shaking B's hand furiously) Congratulations.

B: Don't congratulate me, my hand will be arched and die if I continue to congratulate you.

A: You got so much money, how are you going to spend it?

B: My daughter-in-law said, to buy a new house, the latest decoration, furniture and appliances, all change light, sit on an airplane, shopping around, nothing to do, rubbing mahjong.

A: really will enjoy.

B: I added a sentence, all Qi, change a bride.

B: I'm not sure if you're going to be able to get it right.

A: What is the sound?

B: My daughter-in-law gave me a slap.

A: The...

B: My daughter-in-law slapped me!

B: Thinking quite well, did not sleep a night. The next morning, before dawn, there was a knock on the door.

A: Who is it?

B: I'll open the door, Huo! There were hundreds of people standing outside the door, and when I looked closely, I didn't recognize any of them.

A: That's the wrong door.

B: No, someone's talking.

A: Who is it.

B: (Tianjin dialect) Congratulations, big brother.

A: You are?

B: We are members of the City Lottery Elite Research Society. We heard you won the grand prize and came to congratulate you.

A: Let's go after the congratulations.

B: Big brother, you're not buddy enough.

A: What do you mean by "buddy"?

B: We heard that you won the special prize ah, especially happy, did not sleep a night.

A: others won the prize you happy what.

B: We've been discussing this all night, and we're going to elect you as the honorary chairman of our society.

A: Honorary Chairman?

B: We're going to spread the word about your progress?

A: How?

B: We are going to open a powerful lottery winners experience exchange meeting in the city's largest stadium. We're going to ask Zhao Benshan, my oldest brother, to host this meeting.

A: Zhao Benshan?

B: Originally we wanted to ask his brother to host?

A: Who is his brother?

B: Zhao Zhongxiang.

A: He's a great guy to have on your side.

B: Later, he went to Animal World to officiate at the elephant's wedding. The cost of the event there is high.

A: Nonsense.

B: In addition to Zhao Benshan, there is his lover.

A: His lover?

B: You are really uneducated, Song Dandan ah. It's the one who took off his vest and turned into a snake.

A: You have culture. What a mess.

B: After Song Dandan turned into a snake, it was you who spoke.

A: I still speak.

B; Of course. You're going to talk to all of us at the meeting about how you learned how to win the award.

A: I was blinded.

B: You can't say blindfolded. There is something to be learned here.

A: I'm not sure what I'm talking about,

B: I'm not sure what I'm talking about.

B: You're done talking, and there's our Standing Committee greeting.

A: Standing Committee?

B: Yeah, we're a regular organization at the municipal level. When we were founded, the city council issued a letter. We have a standing committee, a board of directors, a chairperson, an honorary chairperson, and a secretariat for specific tasks. I'm the secretary general of that secretariat.

A: Huo! It's really formal.

B: After the congratulatory speech, the next is the members' thoughts and experiences about your award.

A: Where did they get their thoughts and feelings about me winning the award?

B: That's what you don't understand. They want to talk about the eighteen reasons why you can win the lottery with this number.

A: Eighteen reasons?

B: It's a selection after internal communication, we originally prepared thirty-six.

A: There are so many.

B: And then the next step is to give you a certificate ceremony.

A: Certificate?

B: Honorary chairman.

A: I forgot about that.

B: How can you forget it? We can't forget it if you forget it. This is the climax of this meeting. It is also the theme of this meeting.

A: Then award it.

B: I have to give you a shout before awarding the certificate.

A: Go ahead.

B: Originally, we wanted to ask someone who had won the Grand Prize to award you this certificate.

A: What happened?

B: On second thought, you're still the first.

A; you have no one in that Society who has won the prize.

B: Aren't we still trying.

A: After awarding the certificate should be finished.

B: No, it's not.

A: It's not over.

B: There are still performances

A: Performances?

B: We're going to have Liu Huan, who sings "The Song of the Good Man," which is my favorite, and Han Hong, who sings "Tibetan Plateau," which I also love. At the end of the program is Jinggangshan, "Only You in My Eyes".

A: I've got eyes on me.

B: After the show on the meal, do not want to what good, get some turtle casually eat forget.

A: Eat turtle or just eat.

B: The meal into the last topic.

A: Eating still have to work ah. This attitude did not say.

B: With you to settle accounts ah.

A: With me?

B: This money is not all have to you out of it.

A: Ah! It's all about me paying for it.

B: Look at this person. Got four million, out of a million to, on holding an honorary chairman home, cheap.

A: A million to buy a broken certificate is still cheap.

B: Didn't you buy a lottery ticket? Used in our Society is also used in the right way. There is not a saying that, taken from the people, used in the people it. (The above B are in Tianjin dialect)

A: This is all next to it.

B: You say this is what happened.

A: What do you do?

B: What to do? I can't afford to avoid it? I move.

A: Not bad, that's a good idea. Where did you live?

B: The new village in the south of the city, the first floor.

A: Where are you going to move to?

B: I moved from the southernmost part of the city, to the northernmost part.

A: There are no new villages in the north.

B: How dare you live in a new village.

A: Then where do you live?

B: I'll tell you, you'll never guess.

A: Tell me.

B: Remember that water tower from the old days?

A: I know, before the city is very small, the water is pumped to the tower, and then put into the pipe, is the tap water. Now it's abandoned.

B: I live up there now.

A: Can people live up there? I'm afraid it's more than 20 meters high.

B: The exact height is twenty-eight point five meters. It's not bad, living up there, the whole city is in my eyes. I finally understand why the Japs build bunkers?

A: Why?

A: Stand tall and see far.

A: Isn't that nonsense?

B: There's more.

A: What?

B: There's only one way up and down, and I can see whoever wants to come up.

A: Who wants to go up.

B: You can't imagine.

A: You really want to go up?

B: Yes.

A: This time it's--?

B: I was about to go to bed with my daughter-in-law the other day when I heard a tannoy shouting my name down there?

A: What do you need a tannoy for?

B: The way up and down is a rusty iron ladder, and I bought ten locks to lock the door. I can't hear you without a tweeter if you want to talk to me.

A: As for that.

B: Not afraid of people.

A: good guy, really have you. Shouted what?

B: (Shaanxi dialect) An Hong, I love you! An Hong, I love you!

A: Is this shouting at you? Isn't this a movie line?

B: My name is also An Hong.

A: Who is shouting at you this time? It's not Zhang Yimou.

B: It's from the City Beggar's Retreat Council.

A: beggars?

B: Not bad! You think ah, I live so high, he can find, in addition to the beggar who has this skill.

A: really. Beggars are everywhere ah. They you do what?

B: want to ask me to be the master of the Beggars' Association.

A: This time there is no need to pay money.

B: They said, we are poor, we are used to suffering, we want not much, just 100,000 dollars. Even if you have pity on us.

A: Poor poor to be 100,000 ah!

B: I think, no way, I still have to move.

A: Moved again. Where did you move to this time?

B: I moved to the suburbs north of the city. I moved to a suburb north of the city, where I lived in a farmhouse with a straw roof and no water or electricity. There was no water, no electricity, and all the guttering in front of the door.

A: Longshu ditch.

B: It's no better than Longshougou.

A: It's quiet now.

B: I guess so. I moved here. No one would have thought I'd have four million dollars.

A: It's not like I'm looking for a crime.

B: My daughter-in-law quit.

A: What did she say?

B: You deadbeat?

A: Deadbeat?

B: That's my daughter-in-law's term of endearment.

A: And a term of endearment.

B: Deadbeat, I thought you won the grand prize, our family can be happy for a few days of good life, buy a new set of house, change the furniture, with brand new appliances. And then take a plane, to the new horse Hong Kong Thailand to travel a trip, now it's good, the new horse Hong Kong Thailand did not go into, run to here and the stink of the ditch as a neighbor. The plane did not sit into, water tower on the contrary sat, but also good, the water tower is quite high, can see the clouds from the front floated past, even if it is to sit on the plane.

A: This is a problem for you.

B: I can't help it.

A: Persuade it.

B: She also said.

A: What?

B: She said, I have thought about it, it's all because you won the lottery number is not good.

A: What does that have to do with the number?

B: That's what I asked.

A: What did she say?

B: She said, look at you, 1313766, sung in short form it's do-mi-do-mi-si-lala.

A: There's nothing wrong with that.

B: She said, the harmony is: bad luck bad luck dead la.

A: It's not a bad idea!

B: I can not help. I'll go to bed first.

A: Go to sleep.

B: I fell asleep and had a dream.

A: What kind of dream?

B: I dreamed that I lived on the moon.

A: I was neighbors with Chang'e and Wu Gang.

B: I thought to myself, now no one will bother me.

A: Not bad.

B: There was a knock on the door.

A: Who is it?

B: When I opened the door, it was Wu Gang.

A: Came to see you.

B: What's the matter?

A: What did Wu Gang say?

B: Wu Gang said, I am the secretary general of the Moon Lottery Research Association. Entrusted by our chairman Chang'e, came to communicate with you.