How to get out?

Directory section 1: Go out in your own way 1. Try to accept it. Remember, your coming out process should be controlled by yourself. 3. Don't let others define your sexual orientation or gender identity. Before telling friends and relatives, find out how much the other party accepts this matter. 5. Confess to someone who respects your privacy. 6. If you think writing letters seems better and less terrible, you might as well write them. Part II: Tell a trustworthy friend 1 Choose a friend who supports you and can help you build your confidence. 2. Choose a relaxed and private environment to tell them. 3. Try to be honest, realistic and positive. Give your friends a chance to respond and ask questions. Let them know that you may need their support when you come out to others. 6. If you are too worried to tell your family, you can set up a support system. Part III: Confess to your parents 1 and try to predict their reaction. If your safety will be threatened, don't come out for the time being. Tell your trusted relatives and friends that you will come out to your parents. 4. Choose a time and place where parents feel calm and relaxed. Don't come out in an argument. 6. Tell your parents that you love them and don't want to cheat them. 7. If they are shocked or upset, you can show your understanding. Give parents some time to digest the news. 9. Recommending some study materials may alleviate their worries. 10, come out and show it to other relatives when you think it is appropriate. Part IV: Open 1 to your community and determine which parts of your life feel safe. 2. When making a decision, consider the bearing capacity of your community. 3. Study your local laws and employers' non-discrimination policies. 4. Consider coming out on social media. 5. Associate with people who are optimistic and willing to accept themselves. 6. Don't let negative reactions hurt your self-esteem. Coming out is a very personal process. It must be remembered that this process should be controlled by yourself. When you feel safe, go out to your friends, family and community in your own way. Even if the other person is open-minded and supports non-heterosexuality, it may still be daunting for them to come out. Try to relax. It is normal to be nervous. Hold on! No matter what others think of you coming out, the most important thing is self-love and self-esteem.

Part 1: Go your own way

1. Try to accept your sexual orientation or gender identity. If you accept yourself completely, it may be easier to confess to your friends or family. It's normal to feel confused. Don't feel that you have to get all the answers. Try to accept that your sexual orientation or gender identity is a part of yourself and know that you don't have to be ashamed of it. It is difficult to come out for yourself, but it is an important first step. It doesn't matter whether you tell yourself "I'm gay", "I'm bisexual", "I'm transgender" or "I doubt it now". I have no reason to feel guilty or ashamed. "

This may help to remind yourself that you are not the only one in this situation. Try reading books or online articles that describe others coming out. You can find many stories of coming out and other resources on the following website: ing-out.

Expert tips

Lauren Urban, LCSW

Lauren Urban, a licensed psychotherapist, is a psychotherapist in Brooklyn, new york, USA. She has more than 65,438+03 years of working experience, serving children, families, partners and individuals. She obtained a master's degree in social work from Hunter College in 2006, and devoted herself to helping clients improve their autonomy in order to change their situation and life.

Lauren Urban, LCSW

Registered psychotherapist

It's normal to worry about coming out. Lauren Urban, a psychotherapist and licensed clinical social worker, said: "Even in this era, people still don't know how to confess to their families, worry about how their families will respond, and feel anxious about what heterosexual society demands of them."

Remember, your coming out process should be controlled by yourself. Don't let anyone force you to come out. Don't let your friends or siblings force you to confess to your parents, and don't let your lover force you to come out in the company or school. It is up to you to decide who and when to confess, so you should implement the plan step by step at your own pace. You may have some friends who have been out for years, but that doesn't mean you have to follow their time limit. What suits them may not suit you.

Coming out will make you feel relieved and bring you closer to your friends and family who support you. However, this is risky. Don't think that coming out is your only choice, especially when you think coming out is dangerous.

3. Don't let others define your sexual orientation or gender identity. Label yourself as "gay" or "bisexual" if you think it is appropriate. Don't let others define your sexual orientation or gender identity if you are not sure or ready to label it. Remember, you may feel pressure from friends of the opposite sex and sexual minorities+(referring to lesbians, gays, bisexuals, transsexuals and people with unknown mental gender), so you are eager to label yourself. For example, suppose you tell your friends that you think you are bisexual, and then they say, "Well, I think you are actually gay, and you just think the name' bisexual' sounds more comfortable for the time being." No one knows yourself better than you. Even if your friends are right, they have no right to force you to label yourself one way or another.

Friends of sexual minorities may tell you that in order to be true to yourself, you must tell everyone in your life your specific sexual orientation or gender label. No one, whether homophobic or sexual minority+,has the right to impose others' sexual orientation or gender identity.

Being gay, bisexual or unidentified is just one aspect of your identity, just as we can't simply define a heterosexual by sexual orientation. You don't need to change yourself to adapt to anyone's standards or prejudices.

Expert tips

Alex Keller

Alex Keller, a community expert, is a transgender, and he has made positive contributions to the LBGT topics and articles of Wikipedia.

Alex Keller

community experts

Everyone's path is different. Alex Keller, a transgender, recalled: "I told my parents that I was bisexual, but I didn't mention my gender identity. At first, I tried to say,' Maybe I'm not bisexual', but then I realized that I'm not. "

Before telling friends and relatives, find out how much the other party accepts this matter. Try to make sure that your first confessor is open-minded, willing to accept this fact and support you. Try to talk about some issues in front of relatives and friends, such as same-sex marriage or homeless transgender teenagers, or mention sexual minorities+characters in movies or TV. You can say, "I saw a news about same-sex marriage. What do you think of this? "

Before coming out to a person, think about their acceptance of others. Have they publicly identified relatives and friends of the sexual minority+? Do they care, support and respect that relative? Do they make offensive jokes or make derogatory remarks?

If you have a trustworthy friend who is a sexual minority, then the other person may be the first person you tell. They have had the same experience and are unlikely to show a negative attitude towards your coming out.

5. Confess to someone who respects your privacy. The first person you tell should be absolutely reliable. When you come out to them, be sure to remind them not to tell anyone your secret. Before you come out to someone, ask yourself if they like to spread gossip. Have they ever betrayed your trust? Did they reveal other people's secrets to you?

6. If you think writing letters seems better and less terrible, you might as well write them. If it is terrible to confess to friends and relatives, or you are afraid of being tongue-tied, you can write them a letter. First, let them know that you trust them and want to tell them something important. Then tell them your sexual orientation and gender identity in simple and clear language. For example, you can write: "I've always wanted to tell you that I'm gay, but I'm a little scared." I feel that I have long recognized this fact in my heart, but I didn't really accept it until recently. "

Don't write to friends and relatives in school, workplace or crowded places.

You can let them read it in private, or give them the letter and let them read it in front of you. If you clearly write down what you want to say in your letter, you may be easier to communicate.

If you don't know how to confess to your parents, writing letters may be a good way.

Part 2: Tell a trusted friend

1. Choose a friend who supports you and can help you build confidence. Open-minded and understanding friends can support you and help you gain the courage to persevere. If your first coming out experience goes well, you will be less anxious when you tell others in the future. You may find it easier to tell your friends first than to tell your family first. But remember, you made the decision. If you are willing to tell your parents first, stick to your choice.

Remember, things won't go as you wish, and you can't control anyone's reaction. Don't be discouraged if the reaction of the person you profess is not as expected. Some people will be shocked or upset at first, but after taking some time to digest the news, they will become more tolerant.

2. Choose a relaxed and private environment to tell them. Although there is no ideal way to come out, undisturbed private time and place can reduce the difficulty of coming out. Don't talk about it when you or your friends are nervous, upset or busy. In this way, you can express your thoughts more easily, and your friends have a chance to think about what you say. For example, if your friend/kloc-is going to play basketball in 0/0 minutes, or is going to be late for work, don't say it.

You needn't go to so much trouble. Invite friends out to play and say that you want to tell them something.

3. Try to be honest, realistic and positive. Take a deep breath, relax and say, "I want to tell you something." I am gay. I tell you this because I trust you and know that you will support me. "If you haven't told anyone about it, let your friends know that this is your first time coming out. You chose to tell them because you believed they would support you. Although coming out is not a trivial matter, it is not necessary to be so serious. It seems to be a confession or telling a friend that he is terminally ill. You're just talking to someone you trust. This is a good thing to affirm your friendship, so you should try your best to be positive.

Give your friends a chance to respond and ask questions. Your friend may need a little time to digest what you say, so be patient. Wait a few minutes for the other person to react and let them know that they can ask any questions at will. Your friends may not ask any questions, or they have a hunch. Don't worry if the conversation gets a little awkward, or if they don't know what to say. Give your friend some time to accept the news.

Let them know that you may need their support when you come out to others. Knowing that you are no longer alone and that someone can rely on will make things less unbearable. Tell your friends the truth and tell them that you may need their support in the process of coming out. You can say, "I'm really relieved that you can accept this." I'm still worried about telling others. I hope you can encourage me once in a while. Knowing that I'm not alone really emboldens me to confess this to others. "

Unfortunately, when you come out to your friends and family, you may not get the expected support. If someone needs more time to digest what you say, or is unwilling to support you, don't lose heart. There are others who can give you the support you deserve.

6. If you are too worried to tell your family, you can set up a support system. Coming out to your friends can help you build your confidence. It is also very important that people who have their own trust can provide emotional support and practical support when they are not sure how their parents will react. If you are under 18, or you still depend on your parents financially, if you think they will stop supporting you because of coming out, you'd better postpone coming out.

If you feel that no matter what the outcome is, you must confess to your parents, make arrangements and tell your friends or relatives who support you that you may need to spend the night with them, just in case.

If you are not going to tell your parents, make sure your friends know that your family doesn't, and ask them to keep it a secret for you.

Part III: Confess to your parents

1, try to predict parents' reaction. They may all accept it or already know it, or everyone is calm during the conversation. These are the best cases. But it is risky for parents to come out. If they have been afraid of peer behavior in the past, the risk will be higher. If parents have had a positive view of people from sexual minorities, supported others to come out, and are usually more open-minded, then they are likely to support you.

Remember, although your parents may be willing to accept or have sexual minorities+friends, they may still react violently when you confess to them.

If your safety will be threatened, don't come out for the time being. Unfortunately, sometimes, you'd better not come out to your parents. If they express homophobic views and you are financially dependent on them, it may be in your best interest to tell them after you become independent. Ask yourself if they will stop funding you, stop paying your tuition, or kick you out of the house. Although it may be difficult to keep secrets in your heart, don't come out when your happiness may be threatened.

Tell your trusted relatives and friends that you will come out to your parents. Whether your parents' reaction is positive or negative, it is helpful to know that you have reliable friends. If you have come out to your friends or relatives, tell them when you plan to come out to your parents. No matter how your parents react, friends and relatives who support you will stand by you. If you decide to come out to your parents, but you are worried that they will be unhappy, ask your supportive relatives and friends if you can spend the night with them in case you and your parents get into trouble.

4. Choose a time and place where parents feel calm and relaxed. Choose a time when you and your parents are not stressed and will not be disturbed. In addition, if there is nothing important in your life, your coming out process may be smoother. For example, if a relative dies, or if your sister gets married the night before, don't go out to see your parents. Make sure the emotional atmosphere at home is stable. If your parents are arguing, or you have just been grounded, you should probably wait until things calm down.

Don't come out in an argument. When you quarrel with your parents, you will have the urge to come out, but don't use this as a weapon. If you say this just to get angry, it will be more difficult for them to accept your sexual orientation or gender identity.

6. Tell your parents that you love them and don't want to cheat them. First, let them know that you want the parent-child relationship between you to be honest and loving. Tell them that you want them to be a part of your life and that their love and support are very important to you. Take a deep breath and stay calm. You may worry that your parents won't accept it, but they may also surprise you and thank you for your honesty. Try to be positive and optimistic, and tell them "I'm gay" or "I'm bisexual" in practical and simple language.

7. If they are shocked or upset, you can show your understanding. Even if parents have a high degree of acceptance of this matter, you may be surprised to hear your confession. They may worry that your life will become more difficult in the future, or that you can't get married and have children. Their fears may or may not be justified, but in any case, you should understand their emotions and don't take them to heart. Try saying, "I know this is hard to accept, and you have the right to react violently to it." But it's a part of me, and I'm satisfied. This is not a bad thing, so please don't get angry or blame yourself. This has nothing to do with you or the way you raised me. "

Assure them that you are happy and healthy. No matter what sexual orientation or gender identity you have, everyone will face challenges in life.

Remind them that, on the whole, people are increasingly accepting non-mainstream lifestyles. If your country or local government has anti-discrimination laws or same-sex marriage laws, tell your parents this fact.

Expert tips

Alex Keller

Alex Keller, a community expert, is a transgender, and he has made positive contributions to the LBGT topics and articles of Wikipedia.

Alex Keller

community experts

Try to understand that your family may need to adapt to great changes. Alex Keller, a community expert, added: "For me, coming out means changing my name, changing my personal pronouns and taking hormones, so things will be a little difficult for a while. My family took some time to adapt, but I think anyone needs time to adapt. "

Give parents some time to digest the news. Some parents already know, and will immediately express their support. But some parents need months or years to accept the news. Unfortunately, some parents can't accept it. Try to be patient. They may ask some questions and be prepared to answer them one by one. Make sure you feel safe while waiting for them to understand your information. The atmosphere may become a little tense and uneasy, but as long as you are safe, you can continue to live at home.

When giving parents time to digest this information, rely on your friends. When you are in conflict with your parents, spending more time with your supporters can help you tide over the difficulties.

9. Recommending some study materials may alleviate their worries. Even if parents are unwilling to receive education at first, they may change their minds later. Try not to say terms they don't understand at first. Provide some information for parents of sexual minorities. For example, they are advised to visit the website of PFLAG in www.pflag.org.

10, come out and show it to other relatives when you think it is appropriate. When you come out to your parents, let them know that you intend to come out to other family members in your own way. If you don't want other relatives to know right away, please ask your parents to respect your privacy and keep it secret for you. Remember, when and how to come out to the people around you depends on your choice. Of course, if you think parents telling other family members can relieve your stress, that's good. You are in control, so you should choose the way you are most satisfied with.

Part 4: Open to your own community.

1. Determine which parts of your life are safe. You may just want to tell your close friends and family that you won't come out to work or go to school for a while. Coming out for a few people doesn't mean you have to come out for others. If you don't feel safe coming out at work or school, you don't have to come out. Some friends from heterosexual or sexual minorities may suggest that you disclose your sexual orientation or gender identity to people around you. Remind them that you know what is best for you.

2. When making a decision, consider the bearing capacity of your community. Some communities have higher acceptance of sexual minority+,while others are more resistant, so you should evaluate the local atmosphere. If you live in a tolerant community, it may not be a big deal for your neighbors, colleagues or classmates to come out. If you often meet homophobes or people who reject transgender people, you may have to put safety first and stay out of it for the time being. If homophobia and bullying are common at school or at work, or sexual minority+is prohibited by law in your country, you don't have to come out and it's not your responsibility to change society. People really need to learn how to treat others with dignity and respect, but that doesn't mean you need to risk your own safety.

3. Study your local laws and employers' non-discrimination policies. Make sure you are not discriminated against before coming out in the workplace. If there is no non-discrimination policy or legal protection, your employer may fire you for coming out. In addition, the environmental atmosphere in the workplace should be evaluated. Do colleagues make excessive jokes? How close are you and your colleagues? If there are open sexual minorities among colleagues, you can ask their opinions.

If you feel that you must disclose your sexual orientation and gender identity in the workplace, you don't have to pull colleagues aside one by one and come out to them alone. Don't make a big announcement or make a long speech. You just need to wait until the company activities, bring your partner or date.

4. Consider coming out on social media. For some people, coming out on social media is much easier than confessing to dozens or hundreds of people one by one. You can post a status to talk about it, change your "interest" settings, or let people see clues from the photos you tag and post. Although how and when to come out depends entirely on your choice, they will appreciate it if you can tell your friends and relatives one-on-one before posting this news on social media.

5. Associate with people who are optimistic and willing to accept themselves. You don't have to cut off all your heterosexual friends as soon as you come out. However, you can try to spend some time with friends from sexual minorities. Talking to people who have dealt with similar challenges is a good way to build self-confidence and adaptability. If you don't have many friends of sexual minorities+,see if there are local organizations or other channels to contact members of sexual minorities+community. Your work unit or school may have leagues or clubs.

6. Don't let negative reactions hurt your self-esteem. Even if you live in an open and inclusive community, you will inevitably meet some ignorant people. If someone makes hateful remarks, don't waste time or energy arguing with them. Don't let them hurt your self-esteem You can't control other people's behaviors, thoughts or remarks, but you can control your own reactions. No matter what others say, you should love and respect yourself.

When you are angry or depressed, vent your emotions to your supportive friends.

If someone is really misled and really thinks about you, they may accept rational communication. You can try to tell them how you feel and the problems you face.

Tip Remember, you have no obligation to come out to anyone until you feel safe and healthy. There is no right or wrong to come out, go your own way, go your own way.

Finding a supportive therapist can help you get through the coming out stage, or deal with the negative reactions of relatives and friends. Let your parents accompany you to see a therapist and let them know more about this.

If you are worried about your lisp or tongue-tied, try to write down what you want to say or practice in front of the mirror. Do it without being seen or heard.

If you want to come out on social media, try to do something recognizable, such as changing the background of your avatar to a rainbow.

See if there are people from sexual minorities you know who come out to meet relatives and friends and ask them for advice.

If someone gives you a hard time because of your sexual orientation or gender identity, remember that you have done nothing wrong. You can't choose not to be gay, bisexual, transgender and LGBT, but you can choose not to be homophobic.

Warning: When deciding who will come out, you must put your own safety first. If you think your safety is threatened, contact your relatives and friends who support you and stay with them. If the situation is critical, call the emergency department.

Don't give up hope in the face of unbearable hatred and abuse. If you don't support your friends or relatives, please call the local sexual minority+hotline or suicide hotline. In China, you can call the "Hope 24" hotline 400 16 19995.

If you are attacked or threatened at work or school, please seek help from counselors, support teachers, the employer's human resources department or authorities.

Relevant international hotlines can be found at the following website: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html. 。