Seeking the lines of stand-up comic dialogue "Huang"

It's very hot in the dog days in June.

There is a Zhangjiawan in JD.COM.

The old couple are eating in the yard.

Here comes a fly, which is really annoying.

This fly took a grain of rice,

The old man angrily chased Sichuan.

My wife waited at home for three months,

The book didn't arrive, the letter didn't pass,

I hired a fortune teller to do the math,

Mr. Wang said, "If you break it according to divination, you will lose money and make you angry."

His divination is really clever. In fact, this six-year-old is smart not only for him, but also for me. What is the score? Let an old lady do the math.

"Sir, you give me a divination."

"What is it?"

"My old man has been gone for three months, and I haven't heard from him. Do you think it is dangerous? "

"Oh, what did he do?"

"Well, chasing flies!"

"Go after flies? ! What is it? "

"The fly took a grain of rice."

On this day, Lao Huang was at home. What is he doing at home? I'm worried about there. What is there to worry about? His wife's leg hurts again. It's going to rain again. After a while, he will bring firewood and things into the house, please! It's really annoying here. After such a long time, ah, Cui Ying, the eunuch's manager, came in.

"Can you calculate divination?"

Hearing this, the old huang said:

"Ah ... I ... I will ..."

"Is it invalid?"

This question is invalid, and the voice is quite loud. Seeing his style, Lao Huang said to himself, Where can I go for this divination? Simply tell the truth!

"My divination ... alas ... my divination ... alas ... is useless."

"hmm? Hey! I've been looking for it for a long time, but here it is! Okay, okay, oh, it's useless? Is it really invalid? "

"Alas ... I really can't!"

"Oh, come on, come on, come with me!"

"Where to go with you?"

"When I was in Beijing, the emperor's pearl was lost. You have to calculate! "

"The imperial edict has come from the holy land, and Huang Xuan Shi will go to the temple with it now!"

He was the first. Why? The emperor found Pearl that night and was very happy. He stayed up all night and came to sit in the temple early after playing in the harem. Go ahead, go to the imperial garden, hey! There is a jujube tree here. This jujube tree was brought back by Sambo, the eunuch of the Ming Dynasty, when he went to the Western Ocean. This kind of jujube is called "Zhuzao". It is round, big and red, but it is ripe.

Still alive now, the emperor looked at such dates and picked them and thought about them. Oh, by the way, I'll let Huang calculate what I have in my hand. If he is right again, and his divination is really good, then make him a court official, right!

Then, Huang announced that he would go to the temple first in order. Huang knelt here and saluted. Should he stand up and give up his seat? This time, I just asked him to stand up and didn't give him his seat.

"Stand flat."

Yellow cloth seed stood up, the emperor a clutch this fist:

"Huang, your divination is very spiritual, come on, let you calculate what is in my hand. If it's right, I'll make you an official of the DPRK. Is there something wrong? Let me ask you a charge of cheating you! Count it! "

Lao Huang thought, Oh, how can this be calculated? Ok ... Of course, he's scared, and he's scared in his heart, but he can't show it on his face yet. He has to perform without photos. I thought about it here, and he thought about it. What's he thinking?

I thought to myself: What's that in his hand? Oh ... this must be his pearl. I found this pearl, but I'm afraid of losing it again. I can't leave my hand. My hand is not Julie. I took this out in the morning, so don't ask, Pearl, right?

But if he wanted to say "the night pearl", it was wrong to kill him at that time. He's right:

"Long live ..."

He wants to say this sentence "You will enjoy your beloved night pearl in the morning", which is what he just said.

"Long live, early in the morning you ..."

The emperor said;

"Ah, yes, it was made in Qing Dynasty ..."

Hey! He's so smart!

Extended data:

Liu Baorui often performs stand-up crosstalk, which is both artistic and literary. After learning from his counterparts in southern folk art, his stand-up crosstalk absorbed the artistic skills of southern monologue and storytelling on the basis of inheriting the tradition, and also borrowed the performance techniques of movies and dramas. After long-term performance practice,

Gradually formed a "vivid" meticulous, solid porcelain, "treasure art" unique, implicit and harmonious, inclusive of emotions, smart and unique artistic style. Therefore, he is known as "stand-up king of comedy" and "cold comedian". Liu Baorui was also a pioneer in introducing the northern crosstalk art to audiences in Jiangnan, Hong Kong and Macao.

Liu Baorui is familiar with historical anecdotes and has rich social knowledge. He is good at describing the social environment and background of the times to set off people and events. Liu Baorui emphasized the combination of language, eyes and facial expressions on the stage, supplemented by gestures, and carefully designed the cadence of each line. Through long-term stage practice, he can be fluent but not harsh, simple and quick, and form a steady and elegant artistic style with delicate timbre.