Kneel for the lines of Liu Baorui's cross talk "Pearl Jade White Jade Soup"

This stand-up comedy is not this thing now. What about our business? Anyway, this is not far from now, only more than 600 years.

At the end of the Yuan Dynasty, there was a Zhu Yuanzhang who later became emperor, namely Zhu Hongwu. Zhu Yuanzhang assembled troops to prepare for the uprising. With the intention of overthrowing the Yuan Dynasty, he led Chang Yuchun and Hu Dahai to make a scene in Beijing Wulin. Outnumbered, defeated by Beijing, brothers separated. Now I only say that Zhu Yuanzhang escaped alone and ran for two or three hundred miles. He is cold, thirsty and hungry, and he really can't stay any longer. At first glance, there is a small ruined temple in front of you. Hey, have a rest in the temple! When I got here, I fainted when I looked at this horse. I don't even know. After a long time, two beggars came. The two beggars lived in a small ruined temple and asked for many dry cakes, leftover cakes, a pot of leftovers and vegetable soup. Go to the gate of this temple and have a look: yo! Why is there a man lying here Look at this man's appearance: long head, long chin, long chin, why does he look like a donkey? Come and feel the heat on you. Saving lives is very important! It was salvaged to the temple.

When I arrived at the temple, I found some branches and rotten firewood to warm the house, and then I rolled up my trouser legs for Zhu Yuanzhang to wait for him. It was a long time before Zhu Yuanzhang woke up slowly, but his mind was still very confused. He thought he was fighting Chang Yuchun and Hu Dahai in the Wulin. The confused one is called Chang Yuchun. "Hey, Chang Xiandi!" This is called Chang Xiandi, and the two beggars are stunned! The beggar said, "Yo? Hey? Strange! I don't know him. How does he know that my surname is Chang and I am my own brother? " Zhu Yuanzhang called again: "Ah, here we are!" The beggar also wondered, "Hey? He also knows my last name! " Look at this ingenuity.

"Ah, what's the matter with you?" "I am hungry!" Oh, this man is not sick. Heart said: this kind of hunger is not pleasant, because our brothers often deal with this kind of hunger. Nothing else. Please, saving lives is very important to us. "Very simple, he is hungry. Let's give him the soup left over from this pot. " "It must be hot!" "Yes!" I found three small bricks and a casserole, and the firewood was lit. "Even if you give him vegetable soup, he is not full!" "Never mind! I don't want any paste rice gaba here! " "Oh, yes!" Put it in the casserole! "hey!" It says, "well, I still have half a piece of rotten tofu here." Put it in the pot! There are some Chinese cabbage, thrown in the pot, and two rotten spinach. Come on together! After a while, it was hot and the casserole was brought over.

Where is Zhu Yuanzhang? Cold, thirsty and hungry, rotten tofu tasted, but I couldn't smell it, so I drank the leftover soup. Hey, it's the right thing to do. He was tired all the way and caught a cold, but he didn't know it. Now, as soon as this pot of hot vegetable soup falls, he will sweat profusely. He has recovered from his cold and is full of energy. Just ask these two people, "Oh, what's your name?" What does this beggar mean? Are you kidding? You don't even know your name after a long time. "Didn't you call me? Is the surname Chang called Chang Xiandi? " "Oh, right, right, right." Zhu Yuanzhang vaguely promised, "What's the name of this pot of soup you two made for me?" How angry they are when they beg for food! Heart said: mixed vegetable soup, which has a name?

This one says, "Hey? If he wants to ask, we will give him a name. " "What's your name?" Just tell him it's called Pearl Jade White Jade Soup. "You don't talk nonsense! Where did you get the Pearl Jade White Jade Soup? " "Hey, of course." "Are you? Where are the pearls? " "Pearl, isn't that a pearl?" "What about this jade?" "Jade, cabbage, spinach leaves, isn't that jade?" "White jade soup, where is the jade?" "Oh, my half piece of rotten tofu doesn't count?" "Yes, yes. Our name is' Pearl Jade White Jade Soup'. " "Well, the name is quite good. Thank you both. Where am I going to fight? We will meet in 2008 and see you later. " With these words, he left the temple gate, got on his horse and left. A few years later, Zhu Yuanzhang really overthrew the Yuan Dynasty. In Nanking, Zhu Yuanzhang became the emperor, that is, Zhu Hongwu. What about him as emperor? When he became an emperor, he was no different from other emperors. Every day, I also eat delicacies, wear silks and satins, and marry three palaces and six hospitals. It is true that the son of heaven is bent on his own way and the officials are obedient. No matter what the emperor says, ministers have to do it. Even if the emperor says coal is white, no one dares to say it is black. Say black, disobey orders, kill! That's it. Whatever the emperor wants to give his minister, the minister will take it home and display it in the ancestral temple. Even if the emperor gave the minister a piece of toilet paper, the minister had to frame it in yellow for the ancestral hall as a gift for the royal family to win glory for their ancestors and show off their family history-wiping paper, that's all.

This Zhu Yuanzhang has been emperor for several years, and he is tired of eating, drinking and having fun. Suddenly for a few days, I felt uncomfortable, lazy and sour all over. What's that smell? A thought: hey? This taste is just like when I was trapped in a small broken temple. It's so sad. I remember. That year, he gave me a pot of "Pearl Jade White Jade Soup". After drinking, I feel refreshed and comfortable. Now I'm sad again. Just another bowl of "Pearl Jade White Jade Soup". Yes, alas, no, no one can do it? Hey, looking for these two people, one is Chang Xiandi, I remember. After a while, the municipal government posted a royal list and selected two people who can make "Pearl Jade White Jade Soup". One is called "Chang Xiandi" and I don't know his name.

In short, I said that the county where he had an accident was also posted on the royal list. Where is this list of emperors posted? Directly opposite the county government, there is a screen wall, which is pasted on it. As soon as this list of imperial envoys was posted, ordinary people didn't know what was going on, so they gathered around to look at it. I'm looking at it. Hey, hey, what a coincidence that these beggars pass by here. Two beggars saw a circle of people around here, and they didn't know what was going on. They came over and pulled the man: "Hey, thank you for driving. What are you looking at? " The two beggars looked back, "Go! Let's go What are you asking? What's the use of asking if you are sick? The emperor found two people who can cook' Pearl Jade White Jade Soup'. One is Chang Xiandi, and the other doesn't know his name. What are you two asking? Can you make' Pearl Jade White Jade Soup'? " Listen, two beggars, huh? It says "Hey! Brother, good! The guy who drank miscellaneous vegetable soup in the small ruined temple became the emperor! " It says, "Is that him?" "Of course it's him!" "Hey, he became the emperor? So we have to? Go! " "Yes, let's go, za? ? He is gone. " Are you going begging for food? The emperor is gone.

Tear the imperial list! "Card" tore up the imperial order. Look at the list of two people, that is, two business trips in the county government. The difference between the two is this: what, beggars tear up the imperial list? Wow, you are too bold. If you shake the chain, you will lock it. When the chain shook, the two beggars stared: "What are you doing? Huh? What's going on here? Is it locked to make' pearl jade white jade soup' for the emperor? " When everyone heard the difference, they said, "Hey, are you two' Master Tang'?" "Who call soup? That's bullshit！ We make soup. " "Two master do soup. Excuse me, our county yamen. " Let it go to the classroom and report to the county magistrate. How does magistrate of a county listen? Did you find a soup maker in my county? Wow! It's my turn to get promoted and get rich and change my gauze hat. All right! Command: "Go out and pick you up at once." Put on your new official clothes and go down to meet them. The county magistrate walked down the steps and looked across. He almost twisted his nose. Why? Opposite stood two beggars: a face of mud and rags, barefoot, with their hands behind their backs, watching the county magistrate come down, nodding and smiling at him. The county magistrate was angry. Just the two of you. We still have two bowls of noodles here. "How bold! Somebody, lock it with chains and escort it to Beijing. " Enter Nanjing city. What about Zhu Hongwu? He is very happy. Someone tore up the imperial order and the soup maker found out. Wow, that's great! Summon immediately. The county magistrate is escorting two beggars to Jinxitang. In the Ming and Qing Dynasties, Qipin County was a system: if you are not qualified to see the emperor, you must go to the ritual department first, kneel three times and knock nine times, and how to kowtow and talk. That is the only way. Is this county rich? I don't understand at all, and I didn't come to the department of rites. Go to Jinxitang and kneel here, leaving only fear. Nothing else, shake, shake, shake. But the county magistrate stole a look at the two beggars like this, and the county rich was puzzled. What do you mean by two beggars? See the emperor three kneeling nine knocking? Not kneeling, standing there smiling and nodding to the emperor. The magistrate looked at it: Ah, how dare these two meet people like this? Hey hey! Isn't the emperor angry?

The emperor was not annoyed. At first glance, it's really the one who made soup for him in the small ruined temple. I am very happy! I'm so happy. As soon as I saw this dress, I secretly blamed the county magistrate and said, why is this county magistrate so useless? Why don't you change the two of them into clothes and come to see me? You are really a tattered man. Let the civil and military ministers and relatives of the country see that the emperor knows beggars. Where can I put my face? I quickly took the words to find my way and stood up. Your Majesty, how often do we see people stand up? Stand up at the moment, "oh! Haha, two Ai Qing, why did you come to see me dressed like this? " Why are you pretending to be like this?

He doesn't understand beggars. "no! Are we always like this? " Hearing this, the emperor, all right! I said this sentence in the spoken part. He always does. "Now we are mixed together, do you understand? We are bound by chains. " This is locked. The emperor used the topic to scare and scold the county magistrate: "stupid thing, bold!" " Why did you lock up the person who made me Pearl Jade White Jade Soup? Huh? Damn it! Come on, push it out and kill him! "That's it. The magistrate knelt there, boy, kowtowing like a chicken and running to a piece of rice, shivering like a scorpion that didn't eat anything. Trembling in my hands. When the two beggars saw the magistrate, they were all happy! Two beggars took a look: "Oh, hey, this is interesting, don't kill it!" "This is a thing! Ah, hooray! For the sake of both of us, spare his life, because I'm going to make you' Pearl Jade White Jade Soup'. There are not enough people, and there is still a little buddy who buys ingredients. " Hearing this, the emperor said, "Great! Get up! Buy ingredients! " The county magistrate has become a boy. Set aside three hundred and twenty pieces of silver in the warehouse, set up an imperial dining hall for three days, and make two hundred copies of "Pearl Jade White Jade Soup". Why do you do so much? Your Majesty, we need a grand banquet. That is to say-I can't eat delicious food alone, so everyone has to try it. When the three men arrived at the Imperial Chef, the county magistrate knelt down to the beggars. "Thank you for saving my life!" ""Don't thank me! " "Let you buy things?" "Yes, it was ordered by two grandfathers!" "You buy ah, buy this one hundred jins of spinach, two hundred jins of cabbage, understand? 300 pieces of tofu, 400 Jin of brown rice, two barrels of vegetables, and four spoonfuls of water. Let's go "What will the magistrate do when he hears this?" Grandpa, how do you buy this? ""Don't talk nonsense, buy whatever you want. Without it, the soup would not be to the emperor's taste. Ask you! " "Oh, yes! Buy it. "

I bought it back in half a day. "Grandpa, everything is bought. You said these two barrels of miscellaneous grains were not available. Because we can't use the outside either, we have to use the dining room. In our chef, the master said, one barrel of miscellaneous vegetables a day, two barrels are not. " Hearing this, the two beggars said, "Oh? That won't do. I'm afraid a bucket is not enough for the emperor to drink. You ask again! " "Don't ask, no!" "no?" "No, the chef said there were several barrels, because they were not from the same day and could not be used a few days ago." Hearing this, the two beggars said, "Oh, the first few days? Hey, that's good! Then the emperor is delicious enough to eat! Take this! It takes the first few days for both barrels! " "Hey hey!"

I was short of hands, so I borrowed two chefs from the royal chef and made some miscellaneous dishes. Three people are standing here. "Grandpa, tell me, what should we do?" "What are you doing? What about you? " Let the chef in the kitchen say, "Go stew the rice first! Oh, come back, can the stew hold? " "Let you say, can the chef of the royal chef still stew rice?" "Nonsense! Can you stew meat? Where will you cook the rice of' Zhuyu Baiyutang'? " "That won't happen!" "still! I don't listen, I tell you, this kind of soup rice, first of all, when this kind of rice is braised, it is not washed! No washing! Pour it into the pot and stew it! Don't have dried rice on it after cutting! I want the paste rice gaba at the bottom. Go! " "Hey, yes!" This is gone. "Grandpa, what am I doing?" "You, take this cabbage with spinach!" "yes." The county magistrate can't hold it any longer. "Grandpa, what am I doing?" "Well, you this guy, eyes didn't work, what are you doing? It was broken by that tofu. " "Hey, tofu diced. Is this a slice? " "Don't cut! Grab it! Grab it and put it in that brush guy's bucket. You can't put that bucket in the shade, you must take it to dry in the sun, you know? " "Still bask in? How long does it take? " "No matter when, it is soaked in the sun."

Three people listened. What is this? It said, "We will do what he told us, and we will wait." That stewed rice, this grabbed tofu. As for the difficulty of cutting vegetables, cabbage has taken 80% to 90%, and it is necessary to have a tender and white cabbage heart; Don't say that spinach is rotten. There is a small Huang Dou next to Ye Er. Let's choose this tender spinach. I chose a little. I took a bucket of water. I was about to wash it when the beggar saw me. Two beggars looked like this: "You are full! Why do you wash this unwanted thing? " "What don't you want? I am not cabbage heart, tender spinach! " "Nonsense, cabbage heart, tender spinach? What to do! Pearl jade white jade soup' is redundant. " "What do you say?" "Only cabbage and rotten spinach, that pile." "Then I'll wash this?" "Don't wash it." "If you don't wash it, I'll cut it like this?" "Don't cut! Go to the pot! " "Ah?" "What do you do? What do you do?" "Good, good! "All the tofu is broken, and the bucket is dried in the sun. What month will you be? In mid-July, how hot was that day? It's going to bubble soon Half a day's work, all played a chemical role, straight, sour, smelly! Sour and smelly. All the dry rice and vegetables have been cooked. Three people stood there staring blankly at this pile of things: rice gabardine, cabbage, rotten spinach, two buckets of vegetables, and the brush guy soaking tofu.

The county magistrate can't hold it any longer. "Two grandfathers, shall we make soup for the emperor instead of soup? What should we do? " The two beggars were very happy. "Hum, what are you busy with? Are you busy making soup for the emperor? Hey! " With the hand a finger this guy who brushes tofu bubble this bucket, "look, isn't it? 100% and 80% of' Pearl Jade White Jade Soup' are finished. Just wait for the royal banquet to start, pour it into the pot and heat it, and then serve. As soon as the emperor drinks it, we will wait for the reward. " Hearing this, the magistrate said, "Do you want a reward? It's good to keep your head still. Do you still want a reward? " The other said,' You can't say that either. Let's have a try. "Take a spoon, scoop some soup and put it in your mouth." Well, that's interesting! The man said, "You can't just taste the soup. You have to try tofu. "Take some broken tofu from the bottom of the bucket and fan it into your mouth." Come on! Delicious, delicious! "What's the taste of this game? Three people are afraid.

The third day, wow! The inner court of the palace is decorated with colorful lanterns, which are gorgeous and luxurious. Boy, there was a big banquet at the fifth watch, and all the officials arrived at the third watch. Why did you go so early? He can't help going early. He doesn't go to the morning meeting so early every day. Why did he go early today? Hey, hey, the emperor gave a banquet. Everyone is going to taste this "pearl jade white jade soup". I haven't drunk this thing! They all went.

The civil and military officials have already gone, and the emperor has not left yet. What are they doing? Boast and flatter each other. "Brother Nian, have you ever drunk Pearl Jade White Jade Soup?" "No, have you been drinking?" "Me neither. Although I haven't drunk it, I heard from my dad that he heard it from Xu Dacheng. According to Premier Xu Da, this "Pearl Jade White Jade Soup" is serious! It is said that there are pearl seafood, phoenix liver and dragon marrow in it, which are really rare treasures in the world. It takes a long time to steam to make this soup. Today, our generation owes a lot to the emperor, and we have personally realized it. Alas, the ancestors were not shallow. " You said it was bad luck. He didn't smell boiled water and stinky tofu. Flatter each other.

Two beggars came out to have a look: yo-ho! It's all here. There are still many people, and the emperor has not come yet. The emperor is coming soon. Get ready quickly.

"Knock, knock" ran to the canteen. "ah! The royal banquet is about to begin. Hurry up and heat up! " "Hot pot? Sir, what should I put down first? " "Whatever! Come. " "Crack", Chinese cabbage and spinach leaves go in first. "Come on, paste rice, mix vegetables, brush guys and soak tofu!" Bang! It's all folded! "Quick fire, quick fire!" In a few minutes, the soup will be cooked! Isn't the soup boiled? No one can stay in that room! Sour! Smoked brains. Three people have slipped out. After a while, two beggars also went out-neither of them could stand it. "Oh, what happened? Let me see, the emperor is out! Hey, Sheng! End! " Shout "Sheng" and "End"! Wow, more than 20 little eunuchs lined up in a long snake array, and everyone was holding a red plate painted with golden red paint, with such a large and small bowl of dragons lit in the official kiln. What's in the bowl? This is "Pearl Jade Soup".

The little eunuch brought the soup up. A hundred civil and military officials, royalty and national interests, saw the little eunuch bring soup, and everyone was whispering. "Brother, the inner court of the palace where there are no rules! Look, the little eunuch brought the soup. Look how polite they are. They can't even look directly at the soup. Don't you think so? Are they all sideways and frowning? " How about this little eunuch bringing soup up? He is afraid to look people in the face. He can't stand the smell. Isn't it?

Bring the soup. Of course, the first bowl will be given to the emperor first. Put it on the emperor's desk. The emperor seems a little uncomfortable when he smells it. Heart said: Why does this soup taste like this? I didn't like it when I was drinking in the small temple. Why does it smell like this now? One leng. Look at the civil and military officials, in-laws and the country, frowning one by one, staring blankly at this bowl of soup, and hiding straight away. What is the emperor thinking here? Heart said: is this soup really delicious, is it delicious, but there is something wrong? Ah, I am the emperor. I said this soup is good. How can you not drink the soup made by someone? Then I must drink it. I'm not the only one who drinks it today, but everyone will drink it. I found someone to cook soup! Of course I want to drink.

The civil and military officials were speechless. It was like that at first, but it's not like that now. That means: not to mention the emperor, even we can't drink this soup. You see, these two soup makers have to chop them into pieces. That's what I think in my heart.

The emperor was angry when he saw their twisted faces. The emperor looked at it. Heart said; All right! Will you be happy with me? Can't you bear such a crime? What are you hiding from? What are you doing? Waiting for me? Wait for me. All right, come on! Today we are together. "The small bowl was picked up and stood up:" Ladies and gentlemen, Aiqing, drink' Pearl Cui Fei Tang Bai Yu' with me. " After that, I picked up the small bowl, held my breath, and knocked down the small bowl of soup. Put the empty bowl there and sit down.

The civil and military officials were frightened at first sight. "Brother, the emperor drank. What should we do? " "Then what should I do? Let's pour it together! " I put this bowl of soup on my nose and almost threw up. What shall we do? Don't send it to your mouth, but send it far away. I've sent it far away, but I still have to find something in my mouth. "Brother Nian, please!" It says, "Nonsense! I ask you not to drink! Don't talk nonsense, drink together! " Anyway, after holding my breath, I finally poured this small bowl of soup and left the empty bowl there for a while.

The emperor was very happy to see all the officials drinking! I stood up and asked, "Ladies and gentlemen, I asked someone to make this Pearl Jade White Jade Soup, and you all drank it. Well, how does it taste? " Hearing this, the civil and military officials all stood up and held out their fingers, and their two thumbs provoked them, but they did not speak. Why don't you say something? He still has a bite in his mouth. The emperor saw it and understood it! The emperor said, "Hey, everyone, when everyone is quiet and puts up a finger, even you have understood what you mean-two more bowls for each!" "