Chaoshan traditional sketch fortune-telling video

Fortune teller A: There are four kinds of stupid people in the world-people who can't commit suicide by hanging themselves in love, people who take medicine without illness or disaster, people who don't yell at me when they see this handsome guy, and people who don't laugh when they see this sketch. Would you stop laughing if you want to hear me say that? ! Sick, heart disease. To tell the truth, my major is fortune telling. Now that I have seen it, I have opened such a psychological clinic in Wanjiamei, so that I can make money with confidence and give full play to my specialty of cheating. Hey ... man, how can you be so smart? Ha, come and live!

Please come in!

Ouch ... Doctor, are you in a psychological clinic?

Yes, yes, please sit down.

Doctor, why do you think this man is so tired?

Why do you say that?

B: Brother, sit down and listen. I'll speak slowly! My name is bachelor, and my nickname is stinky tofu. A girlfriend is as fierce as a tiger, scraping my skin to the bone, dancing in front of me with a kitchen knife and throwing me with a broom. Look at me coldly. Yes, it pains me. I'm worse than a widow now. Now I don't even know if I'm a man or a woman.

You look as thin as a dog. Have you suffered a lot? Come here, let me see your face.

B: look at the face.

Our clinic has face-to-face service.

B: it's quite hanging.

Small eyes, single eyelid, golden aquiline nose. Why does this mouth look like a navel? ! Well, brother, I found all the shortcomings of human facial features, all in your face. The workers in the factory will not agree if they are not abused.

Do you think it's my fault? But then again, I'm really out of breath with her these days. I have to taste the pain of domestic violence from time to time, so I have nowhere to hide. Dude, I have to go to the bathroom now. I think at this rate, I'm playing on the floor next to the cesspit ~

What do you mean?

B: it's not far from shit.

You won't shit in the corner!

B: Shit in the corner? What do you mean?

Answer: hair ~ feces ~ paint the wall!

Dare I? I know. You don't know the details: at that time, she blocked me economically, became independent politically, devastated me mentally and tortured me physically. What I can't stand most is that she abandoned me in life.

A: abandon you? I must have taken a fancy to another man. What a pity! But this is also a common phenomenon, so you should relax. Let me send you a pair of couplets! The first part is: as long as life is passable. Bottom line: even if the head is a little green. Horizontal batch: Ninja Turtles! Then I have to ask, how did you two get together?

B: Speaking of which, I have to mention another woman, my first love …

A: First love?

B: Yes.

A: Gee, what you said evoked my budding love, and I also remembered my first love ~

Doctors also have stories?

Answer: don't interrupt, I feel it, it's a bright moonlight night; West Li Xili ... Moon, stop laughing at me for being silly; Hua ... spoony people are not fools; Gourd ... Honey, where are you? Yeah, yeah ... I have to find her. oh ...

B: Oh … Ah … Doctor, see a doctor!

A: Excuse me. Where were we just now?

B: Speaking of my first lover, she said that she would wait for me in my next life.

How can I say this?

B: When I confessed to her, she said to me very gently and tactfully, "You want to be my boyfriend, wait for the next life!" You said this was somebody else's first love. How is that possible? !

A: That's even more important-first love, first love, just for exercise. Even if there is deception, the prospect is infinite.

You are right, big brother. Since my first love left me, another woman has appeared in my life, which is my current girlfriend. I think she was gentle and kind ~ in my mind, she is also a goddess! There is only one thing you can't do. My brother said that her quality is too poor!

A: the quality is very poor. How bad is it?

B: It's hard to say. My brothers once wrote her a pair of couplets to describe his qualities. Listen, this part is: look behind, worry about hordes.

Wow, isn't that great? What about the next link?

B: turn around quickly and scare away all the princes.

A: Then she has grown up like this. What do you want from her?

B: It is said that a lovelorn man is fragile, so I get along with her in such a muddle. Since I was with her, I got up earlier than the chicken, ate worse than the pig and worked more than the donkey every day! Don't say anything, big brother, it's all tears ~

A: I have to blow some calves quickly and start cheating.

B: Huh?

Hey ... that's inhuman ~ to tell the truth, if this disease is not treated, it will be abolished.

Really?

A: Then I can still lie to you. You are so lucky to meet me today.

You want to save me?

A: Just ask some uncontroversial questions. Do you know who I am?

B: Who is it?

Sit still and listen carefully. I think I broke the hearts of thousands of women in Qian Qian from the beginning. Even now, I am being hunted by countless female killers. I have a famous saying: if you are handsome, you will be punished and chopped into pieces ~

B: Senior ... Senior ... You must save me!

A: That's easy to say. In view of your situation, I will provide you with two packages to deal with your girlfriend: one is a horror package; One is the peace package, you can choose it yourself ~

B: The horror package is terrible. I am timid, please tell me something peaceful.

Peace package, right? Well, this involves intellectual property rights.

I see ... Intellectual property ... Do you think this is ok?

A: OK! Look at your sincerity. Let me tell you something. The peace package uses the simplest language-break up!

B: Break up? This is basically impossible. You don't know the details. I still have 2000 bankbooks there! I lost everything when I broke up, so I lost everything. Isn't that over?

A: Being a escort for a cat is not like a mouse. You want money, but you're dead! This makes me very embarrassed.

Doctor, I'm in a dilemma, too

A: Just 50 yuan.

B: There are still some changes! Can you not?

You don't think I dare accept it, do you? I'm telling you, this horror bag is very dangerous and needs perseverance and courage!

B: Perseverance and courage?

A: Is your present position equivalent to housekeeping?

B: Almost.

Don't you have the right to decide anything important?

What's the big deal? I have no right to be a trifle ~

A: Then be fierce.

B: fierce? You don't know, where there is resistance, there is oppression!

A: Sit down ... Tell you what ~ Drink! The wine is thick and vulgar! If you drink too much, you will know nothing after drinking.

B: Is that all right?

Listen to me! After drinking, while the wine is strong, find a corner and hide: I don't believe it, I can't kill her ~

Is this fatal?

I also know that. I mainly put lipstick on the old lady to scare her-give her some color to see see.

B: Is that all right?

A: A dog will bite its own ass, that's for sure.

This pager ... My girlfriend paged me. I will call her back ...

My lunch box and mobile phone are charged in the dormitory. Lend me your mobile phone.

A: Comrade patient, I have to pay for your small clinic, and I have to pay for my mobile phone ~ Call quickly! Hey, wait a minute, let me explain something to you!

Well, go ahead.

A: First, be ruthless. Second, be patient. If you can't bear it, you don't have to bear it anymore! Be sure to yell at her, shout it out!

B: Yes! Hey ~ what's the matter? Dear ~ No, I have no problem with you. The signal was bad just now. Oh, how delicious it is to invite four colleagues to dinner. Ask me to go, too Hey ~ ~ pay the money ~ ~ how much? 880, ah, nothing ~ I have nothing against you. I mean, it's very economical to invite four students to dinner as long as they are in 880 yuan! Ok, I'll go right away! Uh, 88

Doctor, I must pay my girlfriend at once. We had a good chat today. I'll come back later to listen to you!

A: Hey, being a man is such a coward, and this beautiful girl is too powerful. You say this is now: men are feminine and women are savage. However, if it weren't for this kind of person, I wouldn't make so much money. Ok, call my wife quickly and cook some good dishes for me tonight. Oh, my God, something's wrong. The boy must have taken it. Stop ...

..... This is also my Chinese New Year sketch. Just right. I'll take it!