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"My two husbands, exposing the most hidden woes, in marriage." ?

Article author:Liu Na

Article source:WeChat public number:Cihuai Book Club

The main character has very distinctive red and yellow features, with red dominating yellow.

1. Why did he develop such a character? (The beginning of the tragedy)

Born in a patriarchal family since childhood, and educated by parents in a harsh way, without recognition, encouragement, praise and commendation, the red character in the lively and cheerful, love to cry and love to laugh of nature was suppressed, while the nature of the auxiliary color yellow was polished more and more heavy, (9 and a half years old was beaten by the parents are heartbroken but just do not give in to weakness, do not admit fault), all the way. With their own gradual growth, the character aspect more and more strong and aggressive, and the heroine mistakenly believe that this character is the real themselves, so completely independent, excellent life is what they want

In the relationship, the real yellow character is strong, is to take the initiative, is to maintain prestige, and in order to reach the result, to achieve the purpose, red plus yellow character in strong The red plus yellow character is a step up in terms of being strong, and there is also the additional point of venting emotions, sometimes more critical than yellow, so the end result is that because of the strong character makes the heroine from the university to the work period of the relationship talked about are no end, the boys uniformly chose to break up with the heroine.

The heroine said at the end of this paragraph: too strong woman, will be in the heart of the exhaustion, become hideous, everyone is afraid. By this sentence can also be analyzed to know, the heroine is red plus yellow character, fake yellow and real red, real yellow character will not have too many feelings and feelings, and the bones of the face is very confident, self-centered, do not care about others' views and evaluation, and say one, do not allow others to question their own, this is the yellow is considered by others as the reason for the strong, but the yellow is not likely to think he is strong or even if it is But yellow may not think he is strong or even if others think he is strong, he will not care too much about this matter (smile), yellow valued things, valued the results, do not value the feelings and feelings and sensations, the bones of the face is calm.

But red plus yellow is not the same, the appearance is very strong, in fact, is a paper tiger, innate feeling cells are very developed, feeling ability is very strong, the inner is very delicate, sensitive, and the heroine from childhood to adulthood are growing in the harsh family environment, did not get too much recognition and attention from the family, in the feeling of feelings in this regard is more depressing, but the red plus yellow is very good at face-saving, especially concerned about the image of themselves in the eyes of others. Their own image in the minds of others, eager to get the recognition of others, so can only borrow the strong appearance to disguise their inner sensitivity, powerlessness and vulnerability, to cover their own need to be loved by others, pretending to be strong, the result backfired, forcing away their own several boyfriends, and they have become their own nasty look, feel hideous, which in fact, is also the red moody and be This is actually a manifestation of Red's moodiness and being vulnerable and unconfident and easily influenced after being hurt. The two personalities of red plus yellow and yellow have very different mindsets after encountering setbacks, and a comparison will show the truth.

2. The reasons for the beginning and end of the first marriage (falling into the abyss)?

In the experience of many relationship failures and in the belief that they are too strong in the state of mind, the heroine met her first husband, Hui, Hui began to show a very good character, although some lack of initiative, and because of the education and work of the reason was unanimously opposed to their parents, frankly speaking, this time, the parents are right, however, was criticized to suppress the education of repressed for many years of the heroine, to the parents of the pent up Many years of dissatisfaction, this time and have found a job, economic independence, not subject to parental control, coupled with people in love is blind, zoom in on the advantages of narrowing down the shortcomings, so, in the absence of long-term observation and get along under the premise of the urgent need to find emotional comfort and spiritual dependence on the heroine resolutely decided to marry with Hui nude, and this is the beginning of the tragedy.

The first husband of Hui's character: fake green real red.

At first glance, it seems that the lack of initiative (mild character, everything is the heroine said), no motivation (education is only college and work compared to the heroine is much worse), will say very good words but not pay the actual action, like a very green character, but to divorce, often a snotty tearful apologies, repentance, green is very calm, even if it is very sad, but also will not show particularly obvious. Will not show particularly obvious, will bear in silence, only the greedy red, hope that both do not have to put in the effort and can sit back and enjoy the success, so he put forward in the heroine to divorce will be so anxious, and the green does not have a particular desire, the boldness is also small, indulged in online gambling debt of more than 200,000 only can not control their own greed and playful desire of the red character can be done, the green is not quite dare to go to gambling on a large scale, the green is not too much. The first thing you need to do is to get a good deal of money to pay for the services you need.

Fai's character will become so, and his mother has a lot to do with it. The mother from a young age is too spoiled red character of the child, with the heroine harsh upbringing is just the complete opposite, he is soaked in the honey pot inside the growing up, so in the many years of spoiling and connivance, Fai developed a light say not practice, no motivation of the problem, unwilling to make a decision and unwilling to take responsibility also caused a lack of initiative, the whole person is good for nothing, incapable of doing, is a mama's baby man, giant baby. This can be seen from the beginning of the relationship when the specialty and general work can be seen a little shadow. Long-term spoiling and self-absorption caused the result of Hui today.

3. The beginning of the second marriage (happiness comes)

Finally, after countless times of sadness and disappointment and ineffective efforts, the heroine divorced, and took a child to fight alone (here can also be seen in the heroine's red plus yellow character, red motherly love, the deep feelings for the child, the fear of entrusting the child to her ex-husband will destroy the child's life, so the heroine decided to take the child, and the child's life, so the heroine decided to take the child, and the child's life, and the child's life. Take the child, to be responsible for the child, to do their best to give the child happiness. (The real yellow is very rational, yellow in order to their future, happiness, can not want anything, everything can be put down, the child this "baggage" left to the man, and then their own easy to leave). At this time, the heroine's state of mind is very sad, and re-take out and put on their own mask of a strong woman, and may even be ready to end up alone for life to raise a child (red is sensitive and fragile, the most emotionally important, no matter how much rationality is practiced, the bones are still sensual, in the feelings of the repeated injuries, some of the red character will be bitten by snakes and ten years afraid of the well rope of the state of mind in the loneliness and resentment) The first thing you need to do is to get rid of all the stuff that you've been doing.)

Fortunately, the heroine met Yang, who is a man of blue character (here Yang has only the advantages of the narrative, did not talk about the shortcomings and faults, there is no way to judge his true color, let's just take him as a blue character, and use the blue to analyze him.) Yang is 3 years younger than the heroine, the heroine just before the beginning of him as a younger brother to look at, but Yang although silent, not very good at saying pleasing words, but is a man with practical action to express love, which is also in line with the characteristics of the blue character, the blue does not value those fancy tricky skills, blue is very deep and very stable character, blue hope to be able to more practical action to express his feelings! The blue wants to be able to express his feelings more with practical actions, the mouth said above the blue think too superficial. And blue is also feeling feeling cells are very developed, blue also have delicate sensitive feelings, and red is different, blue more pursuit of perfection, will pay more attention to the details, blue Yang in the process of living with the heroine day and night, and gradually realized the heroine's hard work, aggrieved, uncomfortable and lonely, fell in love with the heroine, the heroine began to feel that they can not be matched, but the blue character of the person is very persistent, blue! Yang is more serious, careful care of the heroine, the heroine's hard camouflage was dissolved by him little by little, the heroine finally recognize themselves, the original red character of their own is also a desire for affection, desire to be loved, cherished and cared for. In Gansu, their feelings were recognized by Yang's parents, Yang's father said that she is not easy, the heroine's heart defenses finally collapsed, tears rustling down. She finally receives the understanding and recognition that she had not longed for from her parents! (This shows how important understanding and recognition are to the red character! Yang took the heroine home can also be seen in the blue character to do things organized and rigorous, but also see the blue for the respect of relatives and elders, for the observance of moral norms) Later, the two people finally came to fruition, walked into the marriage hall, hand in hand *** through the difficult times, began to live happily ever after.

Thoughts and feelings:

1. Parental education determines whether the child's childhood, adolescence and even youth are happy

In our traditional culture, filial piety under the stick is a lot of people in small places **** knowledge, one because the parents themselves are educated to grow up, and now they are like a law to their children. The first reason is that the parents themselves were brought up this way, and now they are applying it to their children. Secondly, the family is poor and has to do a lot of work every day, so they don't have time to take their children seriously. Or three because the parents of the character is not enough, lazy to spend time and energy and money to learn how to educate the child or simply do not realize that the education of the child this thing still need to learn, so simple and rough treatment of the child, means that the child is treated as a machine, do not take into account the child's feelings of feelings, only need to obey orders on the one hand.

But the fact is that the treatment of different character of the child is the need to use different methods, is the need to tailor the teaching of the child. For the thick skin, thick skin, since childhood, not afraid of the sky and the earth are not afraid to obey the rules do not respect adults, like the wild growth of weeds like children, this child is very strong inside, very confident, at this time, the adult education should be strict, to prevent him from going on a crooked path. But for the other kind of children who are not so strong inside, they are like flowers and seedlings inside the greenhouse, only after the gardener's careful and continuous cultivation and care can grow into a tree that can withstand the wind and rain, and the strict storm training for the seedlings will destroy them. It is actually irresponsible of parents to educate their children in a simple, rough, one-size-fits-all method that emphasizes only on performance but not on feelings and psychology. The result of such education is a little light is rebellious, a little heavy father and son turned face to face, completely cut off, old and dead shall not see each other, real life, such a tragedy is not rare? Do parents must think about their own education is reasonable. The reason why the first time the heroine of the article with rebellious emotions impulsive marriage led to the future of the misfortune, her parents have to be responsible for a great deal.

2. If only we could understand the color of character earlier

What is my character? What are my strengths and faults? What have I been pursuing all my life? How can I build on my strengths and avoid my weaknesses, how can I maximize my strengths, and how can I correct my faults without too much pain?

Our life, first of all, is to know yourself, if you can not really know yourself, understand yourself, then to the time of death, maybe we just woke up, this life is not what I want to live, this is not what I want to pursue things, but this time it is too late.

Just like the heroine in the article, although she also pursues success in her studies and work, having a precious relationship is what she wants most. The woman who stumbled in her 30s finally reaped the happiness she wanted, but she had already suffered a lot in front of her, and only she herself had a deep understanding of the taste of warmth and coldness. If she could understand the color of her personality, know that her red nature is easy to easily trust others, know that the shortcomings of the red character lies in the light of the words, she will carefully consider the first marriage, will be willing to spend more time to understand each other what kind of a person, perhaps will not fall into the abyss. And in the case of the fight with her parents, if she had realized that it was her own emotionalism that was controlling her, maybe she would have given herself some time to calm down and wouldn't have made the decision on such an impulse. If she could realize that she is emotionally dependent and easily deceived. If only ...... Unfortunately, there are no ifs in life.

Through the heroine's sincere sharing, I hope that each of us can come to learn the color of character, a deep understanding of their own strengths and weaknesses, to understand that they are likely to suffer in what places, in advance to do a good job of preventing, do not repeat the heroine's mistakes, do not pay a painful price after the wake up, the heroine lucky to meet a good man, but each of us will have such good luck? But will we all be so lucky? Happiness is something we have to strive for through our own hard work and study! I hope that each of us can bring ourselves a better and happier life by learning about personality color!

Li Fangchao

June 24, 2020